Everyday Life With The Smashers
by BigCityCola1975
Summary: Ever wondered what the smashers get up to behind closed doors? Well read this thing and you'll find out! Join the five main characters in a plot that is absolutely rife with humor, stupidity, nonsense, and more importantly, Yaoi! (Just kidding... or am I?)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Like they do with all other tournaments of grand amazement much like this one, the Smashers waited outside of the gates that would allow them to enter the world of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. The gates were constructed out of some kind of white gold and shone brightly with the rays of the sun reflecting off of them. Most of the entries into this competition waited patiently for the gates to open and some others, less so. A few of the fighters had started fighting a little early, those fighters being Bowser and Ganondorf who still hadn't resolved their issues from Subspace Emissary. It seems Bowser was still a little bit sore over the whole betrayal thing.

From the distant world that could be seen from the gates descended two unruly figures, both were hands that appeared to be wearing gloves, one was a right hand and the other was a left.

"ATTENTION ALL SMASHERS!" began the right hand. "FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE RETURNING MEMBERS OF OUR SMASH BROS. TOURNAMENTS, IT IS LOVELY TO SEE YOU ALL AGAIN. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NEW HERE LIKE Ms. Isabelle AND Ridley—"

" Y!" yelled a female's voice from amongst the crowd.

"PIPE DOWN SAMUS!" commanded Master Hand. "ANYWAYS, WELCOME TO OUR LITTLE SMASH BROS. FAMILY! THE ONLY FAMILY IN WHICH YOU GET TO BEAT UP YOUR COUSINS! WE WILL BE HOUSING YOU A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY THIS TIME ROUND—"

"NOOOO!" yelled the other hand as it began to roll around the floor exerting tears from somewhere unknown. "I DON'T LIKE CHANGE!"

"CRAZY! SHUT UP! I'M SPEAKING!" commanded Master Hand as he whacked his brother. "ahem—INSTEAD OF ONE BIG MANSION WHERE YOU EACH GET YOUR OWN ROOMS AND ALL HAVE TO SHARE ONE BATHROOM LIKE LAST TOURNAMENT—"

"YEAH! THAT SUCKED!" yelled a blond male with a ponytail. "BOWSER AND WARIO KEPT STINKING THE WHOLE PLACE OUT!"

"OH MY GOD! LINK! SHUT UP!" yelled the hand as he pointed his finger at the Hylian and shot a ball of energy at him. "YOU WILL ALL BE DIVIDED INTO GROUPS OF FIVE AND WILL LIVE IN A LOVELY LITTLE MINI-MANSION THAT HAS FIVE ROOMS, TWO BATHROOMS, A KITCHEN AND A COMMUNAL LIVING SPACE… SUFFICE IT TO SAY THAT WE GOT A BUDGET RISE THIS YEAR-ROUND SO WE WERE ABLE TO BUY MORE HOUSING PLACES!"

Distorted chatter and excitement could be heard from the crowd which soon turned to disgust as Wario had farted and all of the other smashers had distanced themselves from him to avoid the stink.

"ew, OMG that is fucking disgusting—I mean, BETTER OUT THAN IN? ACTUALLY NO IT ISN'T!"

"Hey bro! gimme some money so I can go play the slot machines!" begged Crazy Hand.

"Not now, Crazy, I'm busy!" responded Master Hand.

"Pweeeeaaaaaase!?"

Master Hand sighed and threw a bag of spirit points at his younger brother, the latter of whom darted off quickly to an area that seemed to contain nothing, but nevertheless, he went there.

"Hey! Master Hand!" yelled a short man wearing a green shorts with boxing gloves of the same colour.

"What is it Mac?" responded the Hand.

"Can we come in now or what?"

"in a moment! My brother took the keys to the gate!"

Master hand then dashed off, following the same direction as his brother had yelling 'CRAZY! WAIT!' the entire time. Little Mac then looked to his right and saw that Snake was staring intensely at his abs.

"Dude! Do you mind!?" asked Mac in a tone that suggested Snake's actions had offended him.

"They're just so… ripped… like, do you grate cheese on that thing?!" responded Snake.

"Well I once used them to grind some meat!"

Snake smirked.

Master hand came rushing back clutching a large, gold key in between his index finger and his thumb. He inserted his key into the key hole in the gate and twisted it allowing the large gates to open and the smashers to pass through it.

As all of the Smashers passed Master Hand by, he yelled, "WHATEVER NUMBER APPEARS ON YOUR WRIST IS THE NUMBER OF THE HOUSE YOU'VE BEEN ASSIGNED!"

Now knowing this, most of the smashers looked at their wrist to find a number between 1 and 16 written in clear black letters.

After aimless trekking around this large open space, some of the smashers had found the 'Smash Suburbs' which will be where they call home for the time being. The mini-mansions were identical in structure and all appeared to be constructed from the same material, wood and bricks. The only distinguishable differences from each of them were the different numbers painted on the letter boxes and the colours of the external walls and rooves, none of which were the same.

A tall woman with short black hair, glasses, black lipstick and black clothes stood at the entrance to the garden of house number seven which had baby blue walls and a navy-blue roof which was very aesthetically pleasing.

"So this must be house number seven!" she said to herself out loud. "I wonder who my house mates will be…"

This woman had a very strong, British accent and sounded well educated and sophisticated. Surely her house mates would be similar in speech… right?

She approached the door and twisted the knob revealing two fairly short angels, one with white wings and one with black, both looked to be an exact mirror image of one another.

"Pittoo! You cannot have my luffa just because you forgot yours!" told the angel with white wings.

"Come on Pit! The nearest store is like 100 miles from here because the hands forgot to build shops that are closer to the new site! I am not flying all that way and I'm pretty sure that there isn't a public transport system!"

"Not my problem!" yelled the angel. "If you weren't busy being a little shit emo! You wouldn't have forgot your luffa!"

"Where's all of your selfless, righteous moral crap that you're usually preaching when Palutena is around—"

"Hello?" asked the woman in black.

"Yeah?" replied the angels in unison.

"I believe this is where I've been told to live, house number seven?"

"Yup!" yelled the angel in black.

"Hi! I'm Pit and this is Pittoo, my twin—"

"HOW MANY TIMES?!" interjected the dark angel. "MY NAME IS NOT PITTOO! IT'S DARK PIT!"

"WELL IT'S WHAT WE ALL CALL YOU SO SUCK IT UP!"

"oh… well… I'm Bayonetta! It is very nice to meet you too!" replied Bayonetta. "I think I recognise the two of you from the last tournament, were you in it?"

"Yeah!" yelled Dark Pit. "I was invited then… unlike this loser who was added in Brawl…"

"Oh! I'm sorry! Am I supposed to be ashamed of being the face of 'Kid Icarus'?"

"Bitch! Please!" moaned the dark angel. "The only reason you got into smash is cause you're an angel… they didn't have any angels, so they added you! It's called diversity!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" yelled Pit as he lunged across the room and grabbed Dark Pit by the neck and took him to the floor smacking his head in the process. The two began to wrestle on the ground, Bayonetta turned around and face palmed.

She then heard a knock at the door and turned to see a tall dirty-blonde wearing a red outfit and was clutching some kind of red sword.

"Hello? Have I got the right house?" asked the blonde in a cockney British accent, like a 'Londoner'.

"Number seven?" asked the umber witch.

"Yes, I believe so!" he said looking at his wrist to confirm it. "Yes! Number seven!"

The blonde then came further in and extended his hand for a handshake. "I'm Shulk!"

"Nice to meet you! I'm Bayonetta!" she said accepting his handshake.

Shulk then looked over to the two angels having a wrestling match with a puzzled expression on his face.

Pit's face then perked up after noticing the handsome blonde standing in the hallway and he loosened his grip on his clone's neck. Pit then awkwardly stood up and extended his hand.

"Hi! I'm Pit! This is Pitt—"

"YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE!" yelled Dark Pit as he pulled out his bow and threatened to shoot his twin.

"Alright! I'm sorry!" pouted Pit. "This is Dark Pit, my Twin."

"It's very nice to meet you! I'm Shulk!" responded the blonde as he accepted the handshake.

The four then stood and extended pleasantries with each other as a smaller blonde stood by the door and looked inwards.

"Hi" said the blonde quietly.

"Hello!" they all returned the greeting.

"I'm Lucas! Is this house seven?" he asked.

"Yup! Come in!" cried Pit.

The short blonde entered the room and exchanged a pleasant greeting with the four adults before him. They each told him their names and they all spent the morning getting better acquainted.

In house four, there had already been some… shall we say, drama?

Mewtwo, Lucario, Red and his Pokémon; Squirtle, Ivysaur and Charizard were having a 'disagreement'.

"I am the only legendary Pokémon here, so it is only right that I assume the role as leader!" told Mewtwo.

"And I am the only human here so I should be leader!" argued Red.

"GRAAW! (I'm stronger… and heavier… than the rest of you so I should be leader)" growled Charizard.

"IVY, IVYSAUR! (I am the only female, and this requires a female's touch!)" retorted Ivysaur.

"SQUIRT! SQUIRT! (you're all wrong! It should be me cause I'm the cutest!)" interjected Squirtle.

"Yeah! Cause you're the youngest!" added Lucario. "You're practically a baby!"

"SQUIRT! SQUIRTLE! (You're just jealous, _Grandpa_!)"

"You little Squirt!"

"Squirtle Squirt! (Well it is in the name!)" the little turtle responded as he put on a pair of shades which Mewtwo immediately bitch slapped off his face.

"MARTH-KUN!" yelled a red-haired swordsman. "ARE YOU HERE-DESU?"

"Minna here!" responded Marth who was a dark-blue haired swordsman who was dressed in blue robes and had a sword strapped to his waist. "Roy? Are we sharing the same house… house 10?"

"Yes-u! Oh! I'm so ureshii!" yelled Roy in response.

The red head then dashed into the house and started to hug Marth, the two of them started to jump up and down when another swordsman knocked on the door.

"Hello? I'm Ike and I like Chicken!" called a dark-haired swordsman with a red cape, blue shirt and beige trousers. "Oh! I know you two… Marth and Roy, right?"

"Right-kun!" responded Roy.

Ike's heart started to beat at a million beats per minute as he eyed up the red head.

Ike blushed and blurted "do you like Jazz?" as he started to lean against the wall next to him.

"Jazz-u? No, Marth-kun? You like jazz?" said Roy in his bizarre Japanese accent.

"What's jazz-u?" asked Marth.

Ike started to approach Roy slowly and proposed that they go get a milkshake. Roy then leaned in and whispered "My heart belongs to Marth-kun, I'm afraid…"

Marth seemed to be getting a little bit starry eyed over Ike's glorious muscles. Marth started to drool a little.

There was definitely something more happening here, but I'll make you wait because I'm evil…

In house seven, the newly acquainted housemates were showing off their taunts which is always fun.

Pit went first and stood in the centre of the living room and began his taunt.

**"****COME ON!"**

Dark Pit, Shulk, Lucas and Bayonetta clapped lightly for the not so unique taunt and Shulk insisted on going next.

**"****NOW IT'S SHULK TIME!"**

This one was more unique, so the others genuinely clapped out of awe for this taunt, Pit and Dark Pit grew a little bit envious as their taunts were a little bit basic. Dark Pit got up to taunt next.

**"****WATCH OUT!"**

Lucas was the only one who was clapping as he was being sympathetic to the dark angel's basic taunt, although his were no better as his didn't actually require him to speak. It was now Bayonetta's turn.

**"****IF YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO TALK TO A LADY, ASK YOUR MUM!"**

"YOU'RE A LADY?!" yelled Lucas. "GEE! I GUESS BECAUSE I ALMOST MISTOOK YOU FOR A MAN, THAT MUST NOT BE TRUE!"

"Okay, that was just rude—"

"I'D LOVE TO ASK MY MOM TO TEACH ME HOW TO TALK TO LADIES, I'D LOVE FOR HER TO DO A LOT OF THINGS LIKE WASH MY CLOTHES AND MAKE ME OMELETTES, BUT SHE CAN'T BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD!"

Lucas then stormed off up the stairs to his room, slamming the door behind him.

"O-oh!" mumbled Bayonetta. "Pit? You knew Lucas in Brawl… did he talk about his mum a lot?"

"Um… I didn't really talk to him much… I just knew him as that blonde kid that was dating Ness…"

"Who is Ness?" asked Bayonetta curiously.

"Another Smasher!" added Dark Pit. "They broke up right before Smash 4 because Lucas was cut… then added again as DLC and Ness is still hung up about it…"

"How do you know about all of that?" asked Shulk.

"Simple… I was new so everyone dished about all the beef cause I was a 3rd party perspective… now that I think about it, I got most of my beef from Palutena…"

"Wait? Palutena _dished?_" asked Pit with a look of shock.

"Uh! Yeah ya dumbass! Are you not aware that she's friends with all the populars?" responded Dark Pit.

"Who are the populars?" asked Shulk. "Just in case I want to get my daily fix of beef…"

"Err… Zelda, Palutena, Lucina, Robin, Corrin and Peach… Oh! And I think Daisy now that she's joined!" told Dark Pit.

"Really, not Samus?" asked Pit.

"Nope… too tomboy!"

"Hmmm" hummed Bayonetta as she contemplated a thought that had entered her mind.

Bayonetta then stealthily left the group and went upstairs to talk with Lucas in his bedroom, she had an idea and wanted to test it out.

Lucas was lying in his bed clutching a pillow over his face and was making whimpering sounds suggesting that he was crying.

Bayonetta knocked on the door and opened it.

"Hello? Can I come in?" she asked whilst holding her breath, fearing that Lucas would blow up at her.

"What do you want?!" asked Lucas aggressively.

"I just wanted to chat with you…" she responded as she sat down.

"Oh really, not come to taunt some more?"

"No… you see, I know what it's like to lose—"

"Oh, I'm sorry, did your mom die when you were young?!" snapped Lucas.

"Actually, she did…"

"Oh… Oh… I'm really sorry!" he responded.

"It's alright… I'm just wondering… did you ever have a mother figure?" asked Bayonetta curiously.

"N… no"

"Well… if you need to learn how to talk to a lady—"

"I swear to god, I will gut you!"

"Just ask me…"

"huh?" responded Lucas confusedly.

"Honey… I'd like to adopt you so I can take care of you and keep you safe—"

Lucas then wrapped his arms around the woman in black and whispered 'mommy' causing Bayonetta to return his hug and wrap her arms around him.

"Just so we're clear?" Lucas asked to clarify. "Do I have to call you mom, or will you just be my mom and I can still call you Bayonetta?"

"No, you don't have to call me mum, but I will be your mum in all other ways… just one thing!"

"What?"

"Stay out of hot topic! I do not need others to tell me that I have failed as a mother because my kid hangs out in Hot Topic!"

"Oh…" responded Lucas disappointedly.

"I'm just joking, you may do as you wish, that is if you want to go to hot topic?"

"Is that an offer?"

"Well no, but I'm sure Dark Pit would like to take you, that seems like his kind of place…" told Bayonetta.

Lucas and Bayonetta giggled and spent the rest of their pleasant evening talking in depth and the other 3 'stooges' gossiped about things from the previous smash games.

In house 10, the three swordsmen were getting acquainted with the new housemate that had rocked up at the door, it was a woman with white hair that was tied up in pigtails and was wearing a black outfit that had a sword around the waist… (yes! That's right, ANOTHER SWORD WEILDER!)

"Well!" began the woman. "I'm Robin!"

The woman then extended a hand to the swordsmen who all grabbed it at once.

"You didn't bring any bags with you?" asked Ike curiously.

"Oh right! I almost forgot!" said Robin as she turned her head to face out the door and yelled, "LUCINA! I GOT THE RIGHT HOUSE, HURRY UP AND BRING MY SHIT IN!"

"C-Coming Mother!" replied a young swordswoman carrying two large boxes in her hands, a duffel bag around her shoulder and a suitcase that she had connected to her waist using a piece of rope that was pulling it along by the handle.

"Lovely!" said Robin as she took out her sword and cut Lucina free of the rope.

"Are both of you staying here?!" asked Marth as he observed the absurd luggage that Robin had bought. "There's a lot of stuff here-desu!"

"Oh! No!" told Lucina. "This is all Mom's stuff, my things are still on the bus—"

Just as Lucina had finished her sentence, the bus began to pull away from the driveway, so Lucina dashed after it to save her belongings and especially her collection of Anime.

"Well if Lucina isn't staying here, who's our final housemate?" questioned Roy.

A dark shadow then filled the doorway and as the light hit it, it was revealed to be Rosalina and her Luma.

"Ah! Lovely!" cried Robin. "Another Lady to spill the tea with!"

"I don't believe in tea…" responded the mysterious woman in blue.

Rosalina then floated across the floor and introduced herself to the other three swordsmen.

"Hi! I'm Ike and I like chicken!" added Ike as he tried to make himself seem cooler.

"I don't believe in chicken…" told Rosalina, her Luma then backed her up by making some weird little noise.

"Marth-kun and I are from Japan-desu!" exclaimed Roy excitedly.

"Japan only exists in the minds of Yaoi-crazed teenagers…" said the space woman.

The four sword wielders looked at each other with dumbfounded expressions on their faces as Rosalina floated over to the kitchen and examined it closely.

"Okay, is it just me or is she a little off?" asked Ike.

"Ugh! She's so off… like, how can you not believe in things that are real like Tea and Chicken?" added Robin.

"What about Japan-desu?" asked Marth curiously.

"What about Japan?" retorted Robin. "She hit the nail on the head with that one!"

Roy and Marth gulped at one another allowing each other to see their unusually large Adam's apples.

The floating woman with a living star-thing came back to her new housemates.

"okay… Rosalina, what do you believe in?" asked Ike curiously.

"Hmmm…. Let's see…." She began. "I believe in Unicorns, race cars, Eminem, moth memes and the colour blue!"

"err…." Mumbled the foursome.

"And I also believe that mass murder is the only real way to solve your problems…"

"Wait? WHAT?!" exclaimed Marth.

"… Nothing…. Tee hee…" she responded innocently. "Would you happen to know where the restroom is?"

"Just down the hall!" pointed Roy. "Oh! We ran out of toilet paper-desu!"

"It's fine… I don't believe in toilet paper…" told the space woman as she glided to the restroom and closed the door behind her.

"The how does she wipe her—"

"She DOESN'T!" clarified Robin.

"EEEEW!" yelled Roy as he covered his eyes.

Their new roommate would surely take a lot of getting used to…

Lucas and Bayonetta joined up with the group in their living quarters to partake in an evening of getting to know each other.

"So Shulk?" asked Pit. "What kind of powers do you have?"

"Powers… hmmm…" he mumbled. "Well I have my Monardo arts and my Monardo, and I can see a glimpse into the future at a time… I also became a god once!"

"Wait? For real?!" gasped the angel.

"Yeah!" replied the dirty blonde. "Only to create a world without gods, though!"

Pit looked at the strangely handsome brit and then back at his twin in a way that said, 'can you believe this?'

Bayonetta smirked and looked to Lucas.

"What about you Lucas?" she asked curiously. "What powers do you have?"

"Well… I have PK Fire, PK Freeze, PK Thunder, PSI Magnet, PK Star storm and I can use telepathy…" told Lucas with a beaming smile on his face. "And you?" he asked Pit and his twin.

"We don't really have powers, more like techniques and weapons…" blurted Pit. "I have my bow of light, my shields, my gauntlet and the manual power of flight… Oh! I almost forgot! I also have the power to destroy the fourth wall!"

"And I basically have the same…" told Dark Pit. "Except, my techniques are dark… obviously."

"What about you, Bayonetta?" asked Shulk.

"Oh! I can't tell you…" she answered.

"Why not?"

"Because… it's a battlefield surprise… and if you knew, I may have to kill you…"

"What? Are you connected to the FBI or something?" yelled Dark Pit.

Bayonetta giggled while putting a hand over her mouth, "Something like that…"

_"__ATTENTION ALL SMASHERS! THERE WILL BE A TOURNAMENT ORIENTATION IN 15 MINUTES WHICH WILL BE HELD IN THE COMMUNITY CENTRE THAT IS NEXT TO THE MALL! ALL SMASHERS MUST ATTEND!"_

"Orientation?" questioned Shulk. "For what? We're all old hands at this, are we n—"

"YES! YES! YES! YES! FINALLY SOMETHING BREAKS MY WAY!" screamed Dark Pit excitedly.

"Oh for the gods sake, what?" asked Pit.

"WE HAVE A MALL! I HAVE A PLACE TO HANG OUT!" replied the dark angel. "Oh! I hope there's a Hot Topic, otherwise, what am I even supposed to do? Hang out in Mac Donald's like a millennial… No thank you!"

"Pittoo! You are a millennial!" retorted Pit.

"Nuh-uh!" responded Dark Pit.

"Ya-Huh!" said the angel.

"Time is getting on, I'd think we'd best be off!" interjected Bayonetta.

"Yeah! But the community centre is at least a twenty-minute walk from here, how are we supposed to get there in time?" asked Shulk.

"Let me handle that!" said Lucas as he stepped onto the grass in the garden.

He then put his fingers to his lips and whistled and within seconds, a Mr Saturn coffee table had arrived.

"I'm not sure if we'll all fit but we can try!" he said optimistically.

Shulk and Pit reluctantly climbed onto the coffee table with Shulk sitting in between Pit's meaty thighs as they couldn't sit the other way around because of Pit's sensitive wings. Dark Pit scoffed and said he'd rather fly there so that is what he did, Bayonetta and Lucas sat together at the front and allowed the coffee table to take them the entire journey towards the community centre.

The community centre was poorly named as it seemed to be more like a small arena with an ovular stage that was surrounded with 85 chairs that seemed to be in a half-moon crescent shape that when looked upon with a birds-eye view, was a complete circle.

Each chair was a steel frame that had a soft and plump black cushion that was slightly furry, and the seats soon filled up as more and more of the Smashers arrived and took their seats. There were a few vacant seats amongst the crowd that had been reserved for late arrivals, one of the seats had the name 'Piranha Plant' and another had 'Joker' and there were others with sheets of paper on them, but Nintendo is yet to tell us who they will be… #NINTENFORSMASH

Lucas was sitting on the 3rd row along side Dark Pit and Bayonetta and were watching the stage closely.

The oval stage had three guitar stands with one acoustic and two electric guitars stood upon them, there was also a drum kit, a grand piano as well as an electric keyboard and some brass instruments. There was also a large assortment of microphones at the corner of the stage with one microphone and it's stand being positioned in the centre of the stage.

The drums started to play on their own and produced a steady and suspense building drum roll as Master Hand descended from the roof on some kind of basket that was attached to the ceiling with some bright yellow chains.

"THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING!" he began, floating behind the microphone stand with a spot light shined on him. "IT IS MY GREAT HONOUR AND PRIVILAGE TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE SUPER SMASH BROS. ULTIMATE TOURNAMENT IS OFFICIALLY LIVE! DON'T WORRY FOR NOW AS THERE WON'T BE ANY ACTUAL FIGHTS FOR QUITE A WHILE, YOU MAY FEEL FREE TO SPAR WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND RIVALS FOR THE TIME BEING BUT THERE WILL BE NO TOURNAMENTS IN THE MEAN TIME."

Some of the smashers began to moan as they couldn't hit any of their friends for a while and took it upon themselves to start booing Master Hand.

"OKAY! SETTLE DOWN!" he yelled. "LOOK, I DON'T MAKE THE RULES, I JUST ENFORCE THEM!"

"THEN WHO-A MAKES THE RULES-A?" yelled Mario from his seat in the front row.

"NINTENDO, NEED I SAY ANYTHING ELSE?"

The troubles of the rowdy bunch were soon silenced by the knowledge that the higher power known as Nintendo (whom every smasher prays to like a deity) is responsible for the delay in the tournament and awaited Master Hand's next announcement.

"I'M JUST GOING TO WARN YOU THAT SPARRING WITH YOUR FRIENDS WITHOUT CONSIDERATION OF HOW MUCH DAMAGE YOU ARE DOING COULD RESULT IN DEATH!"

The entire crowd gasped at the notion that their actions of meaningless slaughter could have…

…

…

S!

"NAH! YOU CAN PRETTY MUCH KILL WHOEVER YOU WANT!" said the hand with a giggly tone.

A sigh of relief was breathed in unison of the entire Smash. Ultimate roster.

"UNTIL WE ACTUALLY BEGIN THE TOURNAMENT…" said Master Hand. "THERE ARE MANY THINGS FOR YOU TO OCCUPY YOURSELVES WITH, WE HAVE A COUPLE OF RETURNING FAVOURITES LIKE THE ARCADE, THE CAFÉ, THE CINEMA AND THE BEAUTY SALON AS WELL AS OUR NEWLY CONSTRUCTED SHOPPING MALL WITH A HOT TOPIC—"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Dark Pit from his seat. "HOT TOPIC!"

"BE QUIET, PIT!"

"I'm Dark Pit!"

"WHATEVER!" responded the hand. "ANYWAYS, WE ALSO HAVE A NEW BAR AND THE PARK WITH A SKATE PARK AND A BOWLING ALLEY AND THE ROLLER-SKATING RINK AND THE SWIMMING POOL AND THE MARIO KART CIRCUIT WE IMPORTED FROM THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM… without permission!"

Distorted chatter of excitement could be heard from the roster at the thought of indulging in the new facilities the hands have to offer, when they said that this tournament would be the ultimate tournament, they weren't kidding.

The orientation proceeded well into the early morning and finished at 02:34 AM leaving all of the smashers tired and weary. Luckily, as this was some kind of alternate dimension, there were no random people running around causing street crime. At this ungodly hour, the only threat to the smashers was if the Duck Hunt Dog started to bark loudly but he had fallen asleep at the community centre amidst the chaos of the orientation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The next morning, many of the smashers had slept in until late as they were so tired from the night before, not Lucas though. He had woken up early and wanted to enjoy some of the facilities of the tournament before many of the crowds did so he hit the town from the crack of dawn.

After a short walk from the Smash Suburbs, Lucas found himself in a shopping district of a high street that started with the café on one side and the entrance to the mall on the other. He proceeded down the street and noticed that not everything was fully built as some of the buildings were surrounded in a blue tarp with a construction sign on it. The building he was near had a sign in front of it that read '_Spa, coming soon…' _

Lucas stared at the mall, curious to enter the Hot Topic in the mall but decided to wait until he had a crew to return with, so no-one messed with him. Instead, he went into the café and bought a croissant and five different types of lattes, a vanilla latte for himself, a caramel latte for Shulk, a plain latte for Bayonetta and two chocolate lattes for the angels. Lucas clutched four of the lattes in one hand and the croissant and the last latte with the other and struggled to open the door as he left the café causing the bell to ring as he left.

He was so engrossed in not spilling the lattes that he almost missed his house. He then entered the blue building and placed the lattes on the kitchen counter which each had the name of the person it was for written on it in black sharpie.

The blonde boy then ran upstairs to retrieve an item from his suitcase, this item being a pair of golden cymbals that he was going to smash together while standing on the landing.

Lucas smacked the golden disks together making a loud crash and clang sound that rung throughout the house and woke the sleeping housemates. Dark Pit opened the door to his room letting out a slight groan as he did so, Bayonetta appeared from her room and was doing her makeup, Shulk left his room without getting dressed and was wearing nothing but his tight, black boxers that sat around his muscular waist. Pit then emerged and squealed when he saw Shulk wearing near enough nothing, Pit was then flushed with colour in his cheeks and became flustered and sweated a couple of drops. Even though all of this ogling was painfully obvious, Pit tried to play it off cool.

"Uh! What the fuck was so important that you had to wake us all up!?" moaned Dark Pit.

"I don't know why you're complaining…" told Bayonetta. "I was midway through watching a semi-erotic dream of yours which made me squeal like a little girl, talk about something juicy!" she told as she bit her lip a little.

"Y-You can watch our dreams?!" asked Pit rather alarmedly.

"You needn't worry Pit." Reassured Bayonetta. "I've already viewed the full contents of your dream… and I have to say… it's nothing to be ashamed of."

Pit's eyes widened. "What do you mean, ashamed of?"

"That you think a certain someone is… shall we say, cute?"

"Do not say another word!" he commanded.

Bayonetta winked at the angel and put her index finger across her lip to show she was going to stay quiet.

"I bought you all coffees!" said Lucas innocently as he pointed to the kitchen counter.

Dark Pit then zoomed down the stairs and picked up his cup, screaming 'COFFEE!' as he did so. A couple of seconds of gulping sounds and poof, his chocolate latte had disappeared.

The other smashers followed suit and descended from the stairs and picked up their cups and took a sip of their coffees letting an 'mmmm' escape their lips.

The house from across the street was house number six and the exterior walls were painted white with a red roof. A small figure who was staring at house number seven from the communal living space's window looked somewhat saddened by his view.

The figure was of a short boy with jet black hair, a red baseball cap with a blue and yellow striped tee shirt with blue shorts and red shoes.

"Whatcha doin', Ness?" asked a small round pink marshmallow.

"Oh! Nothing, Kirby" grinned the black-haired boy. "Just remembering all the good times…"

"Ahh!" responded Kirby. "Still hung up on Lucas?"

"How do you know about that?!" replied Ness in a shocked tone.

"Oh! I know everything!" said the puff ball.

"H-How?"

"Easy!" told Kirby. "I spy on everyone because they think I'm stupid!"

"Oh… p-promise you won't tell anyone!" begged Ness.

"I won't… but, its pretty obvious so everyone already has their suspicions!"

Kirby then smiled and started to wobble away.

"If you'll excuse me, I have to teach Link how to drive, buh-bye!" said the puff ball as he stepped out the door.

Ness rested his cheek on his hand as he stared out his window, processing what Kirby said.

Kirby was sitting in the passenger seat of a little car that Link was driving.

"Okay… so I press the pedal on the right to go forward and the one on the left to stop and go backwards" clarified Link.

"Yup!" smiled Kirby.

Link then put his foot on the right pedal and pressed down making the car rev a little.

"It's not working!" cried Link.

"You didn't take the brake off and why aren't you using the sticks to reach the pedals like I showed you."

"Well… I thought I didn't need to cause my legs are long enough!"

"If I'm gonna teach you, I'ma teach you the right way!" replied the marshmallow.

Link sighed and picked up the sticks and lowered the break. He applied a little pressure to the right pedal making the car move at 3 mph.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" screamed Link as he plodded along in the car.

Suddenly, Mario, Yoshi and Luigi raced past in their cars from the Mario Kart. Games and Mario yelled 'LOSER' at Link who was still plodding along.

"Nah-uh!" exclaimed Kirby. "I'm not having this!"

Kirby then took out his hammer and smacked Link with it and sent him flying out the right window. Kirby then grabbed hold of the wheel and two rocket boosters appeared from the rear end of the car and propelled Kirby along at 500mph and he soon tackled Mario, Luigi and Yoshi off of the road causing them to fly through the air.

Ness stared at the blue house replaying one particular memory in his mind.

_"__Ness… there's something I have to tell you…" said Lucas nervously._

_"__I have something to tell you too!" replied Ness excitedly._

_Ness then got down on one knee and showed off an expensive looking ring._

_"__I'm breaking up with you…" told the blonde coldly._

_In that one moment, Ness's heart shattered into a million pieces._

_"__W-W-W-W-Why?!" trembled Ness._

_"__Because I'm getting cut from Smash 4… I don't know if I'll be allowed back in anytime soon…" replied the boy from nowhere._

_"__B-But.. you were only just added… what about our future?!"_

_"__We won't be able to see each other ever again…. I'm so sorry!"_

_"__What're you sorry for?" wept Ness._

_"__I let you fall in love with me…"_

_Lucas then turned around and faced a bus that was going to take him back to his world._

_"__Goodbye Ness…"_

_Lucas then dashed off and boarded the bus which then left rather quickly._

_"__Goodbye… Lucas…" mumbled Ness._

Ness sighed and kept staring at house number seven wondering about the one he once loved and how he'd be getting on in this new tournament… maybe there would be hope for them yet (MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THERE AIN'T NO HOPE FOR THEM… I'D BE SORRY IF I HADN'T ALREADY WRITTEN A NESSCAS FAN FIC SO DEAL WITH IT!)

Ike was in his kitchen making some southern fried chicken sandwiches. Both of the sandwiches were roughly a foot long and were filled with three chicken fillets that rested on a bed of lettuce, grated cheese and mayonnaise.

He then plopped himself on the sofa, turned the TV on and tucked in to his sandwiches as Rosalina entered the room wearing a unicorn onesie.

"Good morning Ike…" she began.

"Morning!" he mumbled with a mouth full of sandwich.

"Do we happen to have any lucky charms?"

"What like four leaf clovers?" questioned Ike.

"No, the cereal!" she responded.

"I don't know, check the cupboard…"

"I don't believe in cupboards!" she told. "but I will go to the grocery store…"

"But we might have some!"

"Irrelevant… Cupboards are a fiction that was created by the wood industry!"

Ike didn't really know what to say so he took another bite of his sandwich and fixated his eyes on the TV screen.

Rosalina then left out of the front door to get some Lucky Charms.

Robin came down the stairs after observing the strange interaction between the space woman and the hero king.

"Okay, that was every shade of weird…" Robin said looking at the gluttonous warrior.

"You don't say!" said Ike after swallowing his sandwich.

The unusually handsome sloth stood up as an idea popped into his head.

"you know, she's not here right now, we should go check out her room!" exclaimed Ike.

"Oh! I don't know…" said Robin. "What if we find something a little alarming?"

"At least we'll know what kind of person is living with us…" said Ike as he stepped towards the stair case. "We'll be better off knowing… trust me!"

"wow… okay, this is surprisingly well thought out for you…" replied Robin as she too approached the stairs.

The duo then excitedly ran up the stairs to Rosalina's room which was the first door on the right.

Ike nervously turned the door knob and pushed it open.

The room was decorated in mostly blue contents; Blue bed sheets with darker blue stars, blue pillows, blue carpets and light blue walls and a lighter blue ceiling. There was also a collection of unicorn plushies that were all placed gently on the bed. On the walls, there were three posters of Eminem and an assortment of printed out Moth Memes, some of which were rather funny.

"Huh…" sighed Robin. "Doesn't seem like there's anything particularly damning in here…"

"Hmm.." mumbled Ike. "I think you're right…"

Ike then caught a glimpse of a slightly open drawer containing something that was glowing a slight white light. He pulled the handle and opened the drawer revealing a collection of strange looking weapons that were surrounded by white LED lights causing them to seem like they were glowing.

"What's all this?" said Ike as he examined some of the weapons. "Is this a scythe?"

"And look at this!" said Robin as she pointed to a cloak that was hung up on a peg on the wall. "It's got blood on it!"

"You don't think—"

They then heard the door slam as it was closed, and the duo quickly returned the room to the way it was and left it closing the door behind them. As they got to the last step, their eyes met with Rosalina's who stared at them intensely.

"Hmm…" hummed Rosalina. "descending from the stairs at the same time can only mean one thing!" giggled the space woman cryptically.

"And what's that?" questioned Ike nervously.

"Hmm… shall we call it… the dirty deed?" Rosalina giggled.

"I'M MARRIED!" cried Robin.

"AND I'M GAY!" yelled Ike.

"So?" asked Rosalina. "That's never stopped anyone before…"

Robin and Ike both gulped nervously.

Peach, Zelda, Lucina, Palutena and Daisy, the residents of house 3, were having a lovely afternoon tea party in their back garden.

"Oh! Peach!" cried Palutena. "This peach-iced-tea is just as divine as my powers!"

"Peaches are my specialty!" giggled Peach.

"Hehehe…" giggled Lucina. "Peaches look like butts!"

Zelda smacked the back of Lucina's head, "So unlady-like!"

"What!?" protested the swordswoman. "They do!"

"I wonder what it's like to have actual powers!" postulated Daisy. "Zelda, you're a witch or something, what's it like?"

"I'M NOT A WITCH!" cried Zelda.

"Then what are you?" questioned Peach's clone.

"I'm a princess… with powers… like a witch… But, I'm not a witch!"

"Then what makes you different from a witch?" asked Peach.

"Hmmm…" hummed Zelda. "I guess because I don't have a big nose or fly around on a broom stick, so you know…"

"but you still have powers like one?" clarified Lucina.

"I guess so…" answered Zelda.

"That reminds me!" said Daisy. "I was just wondering, what are you the goddess of again?"

"I'm the goddess of light!" smiled Palutena as she used her powers to telekinetically levitate the cup of iced tea to her lips.

Lucina then lifted a cup rather heavy-handedly and snapped the handle off causing the cup to smash on the ground and spilled iced-tea everywhere.

"Aww…" she mumbled.

"Hold on!" told Palutena as she swiped her hand and made the mess disappear and fixed Lucina's delicate china cup.

"Thank you!" cried Lucina appreciatingly as she lifted the cup and gently slurped the tea.

"So Lucina!" began Peach. "How goes the hunt for a husband?"

"Well since we've come to smash…" told Lucina. "The only people on Tinder nearby are Link, Little Mac, Simon, Fox, Ganondorf, Mario, male Wii Fit Trainer and Red and none of them really tickle my fancy…"

"WAIT? MARIO'S ON TINDER!?" cried Peach. "THAT CHEATING BASTARD!"

"What do you mean?!" questioned Palutena.

"THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME HE'S CHEATED EITHER?!"

"Who'd he cheat with the first time?" asked Zelda.

"The first time was with that Bitch, Pauline!"

"Err—Peach!" interjected Zelda.

"Yeah?" replied Peach.

"You know it's not cheating if it happened before you got together, right?"

"I-it's not?"

"yeah…" said Zelda. "it's only cheating if he does things with another woman while he's with you!"

"O-oh…" she mumbled. "then I think I owe him an apology…"

"Besides… what do you care, you broke up with him months ago!" said Lucina as she sipped her tea.

"Yeah… but, I can still be a bitter ex if I want to!" cried Peach in protest.

Zelda poured out another cup of peach-iced-tea and downed it and then rested her cheek in her hands.

"What's the matter, Zelda?" asked Palutena.

"*sigh* it's nothing… it's just… look!" moaned Zelda as she pulled out her sparkly, glitter coated iPhone and showed Palutena the notifications…

_Snapchat: New Snap from Link of Hyrule…_

_WhatsApp: 32 new messages from Link of Hyrule_

_Facebook: Link of Hyrule sent you 13 photos_

_Link of Hyrule shared your post_

_Link of Hyrule likes your post_

_Link of Hyrule likes 37 of your photos_

_Facebook Messenger: 112 new messages from Link of Hyrule_

_Instagram: Link of Hyrule likes 231 of your posts_

"Oh… he's still obsessed with you then?" clarified Palutena.

"Yeah…" she sighed. "That was just in the last ten minutes as well!"

"w-wow!" cried Lucina. "Tinder must be a rebound thing, then!"

"I'm only asking this as a friend, but…" pleaded Zelda. "will you maybe take Link on a date?"

"EW!" Remarked Lucina. "He's handsome but he also has that desperate thing going on and it's a HUGE turn off, sorry!"

"ugh! Looks like I'm going back to the whole 'ignore him and he'll go away' thing!" cried Zelda.

"Maybe he's so into you cause of your new do!" said Daisy.

Zelda then flipped her new fringe, "I guess I do look good!"

The group of girls then giggled and drank some more tea and enjoyed the pleasant sunlight of the afternoon…

After spending the rest of their night arguing over who should be the leader of house 4, the residents had a little, shall we call it, brawl leaving Mewtwo victorious over the others.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha!" laughed the legendary Pokémon. "Naturally, my overwhelming power emerges victorious!"

Mewtwo was standing atop a pile of the other's bodies that were all beaten and weary. Lucario was at the bottom with Red on top of him and Ivysaur on top of him. Charizard was on top of the lady grass Pokémon and Squirtle was at the summit with Mewtwo's foot resting on his shell.

"S-Squirt! (Okay! Fine, you can be leader!)" argued the turtle Pokémon. "Squirt-Squ! (Can you please get your foot off of me!)"

As Squirtle commanded, Mewtwo removed his foot allowing the blue turtle to stand up.

"I-Ivy! (Alright! Can you get this sleepy fat-ass off me please!)" begged Ivysaur who was being crushed under Charizard's weight.

Mewtwo and Squirtle started pushing the large unconscious dragon, but he wouldn't budge as he was too heavy.

"okay… huff… What do we do?!" exclaimed Mewtwo as he huffed in exasperation.

"Squir-Squirt! (I could use my water gun to wake him up)?!" proposed the turtle.

"Muah-ha-ha-ha! How deliciously sadistic!" cried Mewtwo. "Yes! Do that!"

Squirtle inhaled and filled his cheeks with water (because that makes sense!) and then shot a little spout of water at Charizard's face.

"Graw-Graw! (Ew! What's that for?!)" growled Charizard.

"I-Ivy Ivysaur! (GET THE FUCK OFF ME!)" yelled Ivysaur.

"GRAW! (Well excuse my Fat-Ass!)" Retorted Charizard as he flapped his wings and climbed off of Ivysaur revealing the two crushed bodies beneath Ivysaur.

"He-he-he-he!" giggled Mewtwo sadistically. "They both look like babies!"

"UGH!" groaned Lucario as he wriggled and got up by shoving Red off of him. "Looks like we'll be doing what you say then, Mewtwo…"

"Ya damn right!" responded the legendary Pokémon.

"NO GRANDMA!" mumbled Red. "I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A BATH! I'M CLEAN!"

"Squirt? (What's he on about?)" asked Squirtle.

"GRAW (I bet he's dreaming!)" added Charizard.

"Squirtle" asked Mewtwo. "Would you?"

"Squirt! (yeah sure!)" responded the turtle Pokémon.

Squirtle once again filled his cheeks with water and squirted a spout at Red's face, waking him up.

Red picked up his crushed hat and put it on his head again after wiping the water off his face and pretending like he didn't vocalise his dream.

"Why are you all looking at me like that?" questioned Red.

Lucario turned around to consult with the other Pokémon.

"I think we should be nice about this…" whispered the sphinx Pokémon. "Let's save him the embarrassment—"

"HA-HA-HA-HA" taunted Mewtwo. "YOU TALKED ABOUT YOUR GRANDMA WHILE YOU WERE UNCONCSIOUS!"

"NOOOOO!" cried Red. "NOT MY GRANDMA!"

"well… so much for saving him the embarrassment…" mumbled Lucario.

"Squirt! (that escalated quickly!)" added the turtle Pokémon.

"IVYSAUR! (Hmmph! I don't care, I'm meeting Jigglypuff at the beauty salon in about ten minutes!)" said the… errm… grass dinosaur? Thing?

"GRAW! (There is no amount of work they could do to fix that mess!)" said Charizard as he pointed to Ivysaur's face.

"IVY-IVY! (I'M ONLY HAVING MY NAILS PAINTED AND MY FLOWER WATERED YOU BITCH!)" Responded Ivysaur angrily.

"Graw, GRAWL! (Still won't make you look pretty!)" retorted the fire dragon.

"IVY-IVYSAUR! (Bitch, Please! I could easily pull any male Venasaur!)"

"Wait? You'd want an older mate?" questioned Mewtwo.

"Ivy! (Ugh, yeah! Ever heard of a sugar daddy?!)"

"SQUIRTLE! (I'M TOO YOUNG FOR THIS CONVERSATION!)" yelled Squirtle as he jumped out of the window breaking it in the process.

"Great! Now I have to replace that!" cried Lucario.

"Ha! Loser!" yelled Red.

"Don't know why you're taking the piss!" responded the sphinx. "You're the one who has to pay for it!"

"NOOOOO! MY MONEY!" Cried Red in obvious despair.

"IVY-IVYSAUR! (BYE BITCHES!)" Yelled Ivysaur as she opened the door with one of her vines and left to meet Jigglypuff.

Pit was blasting out some Justin Bieber music from the massive speakers that he bought from home as he danced across the floor with the vacuum cleaner and cleaned the carpets while wearing a pink, frilly apron and had a bandana tied around his head replacing the wreath that is usually there.

"**BABY! BABY! BABY! OOOOOOOOOOH!**" scream-sung Pit as he moved the vacuum cleaner back and forth.

"UGH!" cried Dark Pit. "TURN THAT SHIT OFF!"

"NOOO!" responded the angel. "I LIKE THIS MUSIC!"

"IT. IS. A. PILE. OF. HORSE. SHIT!" retorted Dark Pit.

"What? Because it isn't MCR?!" questioned Pit.

"UH! YEAH!" said the dark angel. "AND I ALSO HAPPEN TO LIKE FALLOUT BOY."

"… emo…"

Dark Pit then shot up from the couch and pulled out a knife and held it up to Pit's throat.

"What you'd just say to me?" growled Dark Pit.

"E M O!" responded the angel.

Dark Pit put down the knife and pulled out his Gauntlet and smashed Pit through the patio door and he flew into the distance.

"I NEVER LEARNT HOW TO READ!" yelled the angel as he disappeared.

"he… he-he-he… HE-HE-HE – *Cough, Cough*" laughed the dark Angel sadistically as he cleared his throat. "I swear it's in every fan fic that I can't laugh evilly!"

Lucas was in the front garden sitting in a lawn chair with a pint of orange juice to his left and a half-eaten omelette that was on a small plate. He was reading a spicy book titled 'Mother 3: player's guide' and was giggling and repeatedly saying, "Nope, that's wrong!"

Ness slowly approached the small blonde from his house across the road.

"Hey Lucas!" said the raven-haired boy. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Oh hey Ness!" replied Lucas. "Just reading an inaccurate book!"

"So… you're not DLC anymore—"

"Ness. I'm gonna stop you there!" interjected Lucas.

"…"

"We can't get back together!"

"THAT WASN'T WHAT I WAS GOING TO ASK!" cried Ness.

"Oh yeah? What _were _you going to ask?" asked Lucas slyly.

"Err… um… uh!"

"Exactly!"

"Well… Why Not!" pleaded Ness.

"Because there's always gonna be a risk that I'll be cut again!"

"You don't know that!"

"Don't take it personally!" commanded Lucas. "I'm not gonna start a relationship with anyone for now so you don't need to be jealous or anything!"

Ness turned around to hide the tears welling up in his eyes and whispered 'okay' and ran back to his house to have a quiet cry.

Lucas sighed knowing that he had crushed Ness's hope for a relationship and then looked behind him to see that Bayonetta was standing outside of the doorway with her arms folded.

"So Lucas?" she began. "What was that all about?"

"Oh… that was Ness—"

"OH! THAT'S WHO NESS IS!"

"P-pardon?" Lucas questioned.

"Nothing continue…" said the umber witch.

"He just tried to get back together with me…." Mumbled the blonde.

"You needn't worry!" said Bayonetta reassuringly. "Relationships are like flowers!"

"How so?"

"They're beautiful and vibrant to begin with, and then they wilt and die… it's just nature's way!"

"Huh!" exclaimed the blonde. "That helps, thank you…"

"oh! It's nothing!" Bayonetta smiled. "He'll see that soon enough…"

They then heard the sound of a window smashing and looked to see Pit come hurdling out of the patio door yelling 'I NEVER LEARNT HOW TO READ!' as he disappeared into the distance.

"Oh! BUGGER!" cried Bayonetta frustratedly. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go and deal with that… see you later!"

"See ya!" replied Lucas.

Lucas then looked over to the white and red house across from his and thought, 'yeah, he'll realise it soon!'

Ness came in through the front door and slammed it hard, he then went into the kitchen, opened the freezer and pulled out a tub of Ben and Jerry's brownie ice-cream and picked up the biggest spoon he could find and stormed up the stairs to his room.

He then sat on his bed and began shovelling the ice cream into his mouth and letting it melt before swallowing it.

As he sat there, he couldn't stop staring at the photo he had taken with Lucas the day they met.

"I'ma get him back!" he thought.

He was wrong…

The beauty salon was owned by Isabelle and she had help from the other smashers.

Ivysaur and Jigglypuff opened the door and was greeted by the smiling face of Corrin.

"Hello lovelies!" she greeted.

"Helo!" said Jigglypuff.

"IVY! (Pleasant greetings!)" replied Ivysaur.

"ISABELLE! WE HAVE CUSTOMERS!" screamed Corrin excitedly.

A small walking dog appeared from around the corner of the room wearing a little dress, had half a face of make-up done and had her hair tied up in rollers.

"HELLO!" said the dog as she shook both of the Pokémon's hands… or nubs. "Don't mind me, I was just trying out some of the products!"

Corrin then turned on the computer and checked the available slots.

"Well seeing as you're our first customers… ever, we can fit you in round about now to July… does any of that work for you?" asked the shop assistant.

"Nau!" cried Jigglypuff.

"And what are we doin' for you ladies today?" asked Isabelle.

"IVY! (I'd like my nails painted and my flower dressed please!)" answered Ivysaur.

"An I wunt hare stile!" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay then…" said Isabelle as she scribbled on her clip board that she bought from the town hall in her hometown. "So everything? Okay!"

Isabelle then pulled Ivysaur away to the back room to begin the beauty transformation.

"CORRIN!" screamed Isabelle. "TAKE CARE OF THE PUFF BALL!"

"No.. don't leave me with the illiterate one!" begged Corrin.

"Just don't speak to her!" giggled Isabelle.

"Hay!" waved Jigglypuff. "aym Jugglaypoof!"

Corrin sighed.

Isabelle forcefully sat Ivysaur down in a chair and began painting her nails a bright red. Isabelle then pulled out some mascara and applied it to Ivysaur's eyes and then painted some black eye shadow around the back of them.

"Ivy! (I only wanted my nails painted!)" exclaimed Ivysaur concernedly.

"Yup!" replied Isabelle. "But I didn't"

Isabelle pulled out some body paint and began painting every single one of Ivysaur's dark spots pink and then painted the rest of her body white. Isabelle looked at the top of Ivysaur's body and began to dress it with many smaller, bloomed flowers, there were multi-coloured roses, tulips, peonies, pansies and daisies.

"One more finishing touch…" said Isabelle as she pulled out a tube of red lipstick and slapped it across Ivysaur's lips.

Isabelle then placed a bouquet in Ivysaur's mouth.

"Bea-utiful!" said Isabelle as she marvelled about her creation.

"Okay then… _Jugglaypoof_… what are we doing?" asked Corrin.

"Gevi mi prutty bou und meke mai hare luuk cerly!" said Jigglypuff.

"err… okay sure…" replied Corrin.

Corrin then picked up the curling iron and turned it on, setting it down after. She picked up a comb and dragged it through Jigglypuff's rolled-up fringe to get rid of all the knots.

Corrin once again picked up the curling iron and separated some parts of Jigglypuff's fringe and pulled it around the curling iron and made it like a spring, she then repeated this with the rest of Jigglypuff's fringe causing it to go like an afro. The swordswoman finished it off by placing a pretty pink bow in her hair and pulled a mirror in front of Jigglypuff.

"Ah mai gerd! Ay luuk bootiful, thunk yoo se mach!" exclaimed the balloon Pokémon.

At the same time, Ivysaur and Isabelle emerged from the other dressing room and, let's say it was either the pink make-up or Ivysaur was blushing a lot.

"Evysour! Yoo luuk se call!" cried Jigglypuff.

"IVY… (Y-You sure about that…?)" cried Ivysaur.

Isabelle then stepped up to the till and was slamming the buttons heavily.

"That will be 31,560 bells please!" said Isabelle.

"Err… Isabelle, it's Spirit Points!" cried Corrin.

"Oh! My bad!" cried the dog. She then looked up the exchange rates from bells to Spirit points. "That will be 2,348,200,760 spirit points please!"

"IVY! (Do you accept Poké-yen?)" asked the grass Pokémon.

"ay huv thrie bootens!" said Jigglypuff as she held out three buttons in her little nub. "yoo wunt et?"

"*sigh* How about I write you an I.O.U?" asked Isabelle.

"Ivy! (yeah, that's probably best.)" said Ivysaur.

"Aym Jugglaypoof!" said Jigglypuff.

Isabelle handed Ivysaur a piece of paper that had the words 'I owe Isabelle my soul!' written on it in pink glitter pen and Ivysaur held it in her mouth as the two Pokémon left the salon.

"We-we're not getting out money, are we?" asked Corrin.

"I don't even think they know what money is…" said Isabelle disappointedly. "I'ma go and chill in my office while I call Tom Nook and tell him that we don't have his money…"

"Who?" questioned Corrin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Shulk was taking a shower in the bathroom on the bottom floor while Dark Pit was lying on the couch watching TV.

"UGH!" moaned Dark Pit as he flipped through every single channel, all of which were either Master Hand or Crazy Hand doing various things depending on the channel. "There's nothing good on!"

Suddenly, the front door slammed open and through it stepped Pit who was covered in mud, dirt, cobwebs and various other things.

"*gasps like he's about to speak*" said Pit (sorry that doesn't really make any grammatical sense, but hey, it doesn't have to…. Remember Jigglypuff :D).

"Oh! Hey Loser!" yelled Dark Pit.

Instead of going ballistic at Dark Pit, Pit stormed off to clean himself up. Instead of knocking like any other rational person or listening to hear if there was water running, Pit blindly swung the bathroom door open where he then came face to face with Shulk's naked body.

The two males locked eyes for a couple of seconds and Pit tried his best to not stare at… AHEM… You know!

Shulk then covered his groin with his hands while the angel stood there, speechless.

"Sorry Pit, did you want to use the shower?" asked Shulk innocently, trying to forget what had just happened. "… Pit?"

Pit merely stared into space as he fell backwards and crashed on the floor, he had fainted.

Shulk then stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his toned waist and went to check if Pit was okay.

"Pit? Are you alright?" asked the Monardo wielder as he crouched down to Pit's limp body and tapped his face a couple of times.

"… h-huh?" murmured Pit as he came to. "Wha… SHULK! ERR! I'M SO SORRY!"

"Hey, don't worry about it!"

Pit then looked at the blonde and noticed that the way he was crouching made the towel lift up revealing Shulk's parts.

"Err… Shulk?" said Pit.

"Yeah?" responded the dirty blonde.

"Your towel!" said the angel as he pointed downwards.

Shulk then looked down to see his [censored] and stood up in a panic and covered that particular area with his towel once again.

"OH GODS!" cried Shulk. "You must not be having the best luck today, it seems…"

"Yeah, rotten luck!" echoed Pit as he replayed what he had seen in his mind. He then tried to purge that memory from his head but couldn't as it was essentially burned into his retina.

Shulk lent a hand to Pit and helped him get up off the floor and patted the angel's shoulder.

"Well… let's never speak of this, ever!" told Shulk. "I doubt either of us could cope with the humiliation!"

"agreed!" said Pit.

"The shower's all yours!" said Shulk as he left the bathroom. "don't do what I did and lock the door!"

"I will!" said Pit as he closed the door and locked it.

He then turned around and looked up at the ceiling replaying some of the memories of Shulk in his mind, blushing the whole-time round. By this point, Pit's attraction towards Shulk was only based off of Shulk's looks, he was quite handsome to Pit and had a very nice body, is male, roughly Pit's age and has combat skills, qualities that very few people had where Pit came from aside from the combat skills and gender thing. Pit shook his head thinking that someone like Shulk could do a lot better than a scruffy angel that serves Palutena's every command.

Lucas and Bayonetta were in the grocery store, shopping for tonight's dinner that the two of them were going to make for their housemates. They were currently down the bread isle.

"so Lucas?" asked the umber witch. "What do you think the boys will be in the mood for?"

"I don't know, Pit and Shulk seem like fussy eaters to me…" told the blonde. "What about Omelettes?"

"No, that's the thirteenth time I've said no!" said Bayonetta. "You had omelettes for breakfast and lunch, all that protein without working out will make you fat!"

"aaaw!" mumbled Lucas. "Then how about burgers?"

Bayonetta then picked up a bag of hot dog buns, "How about hot dogs?"

"OOH yes!" cried the boy from nowhere. "Everyone loves hot dogs!"

"We will need some salad, some fizzy drinks, hot dog buns and of course sausages!" said Bayonetta as she held her index finger in the air. she carefully selected four dozen hot dog buns and placed them in the trolley.

Lucas dashed off and returned quickly with two bottles of cola and another two of Lemonade and gently placed them in the trolley being sure to not shake them. Bayonetta then placed two heads of lettuce, a whole cucumber, a pack of cherry tomatoes, yellow, orange and red peppers and a red onion in the trolley, how she collected so many items in a matter of seconds, I don't know. It's a fan fic, who cares?

The duo then strolled down the meat section and picked up three packs of Cumberland sausages, each pack containing twelve sausages.

"Perfect!" sang the woman in black as she started pushing the trolley in the direction of the tills.

After putting all of their items through the checkout, the cashier charged them 210 spirit points… still cheaper than the salon but you know. Bayonetta placed the green coins in the cashier's hand (the cashier is just an irrelevant mii fighter that no-one cares about) and picked up the shopping bags and gave the lightest one to the blonde beside her.

As Bayonetta and Lucas left the grocery store, they noticed someone had been pulled over by the police.

The nosey umber witch wanted a closer peek and found that particular someone to be Kirby and the police man was another mii fighter.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING!?" scolded the mii fighter.

"Poyo!" responded the marshmallow.

"533 miles per hour!" the mii fighter yelled.

"Poy. Poy!" said Kirby as he turned his head to the side like he was trying to understand the mii fighter.

"Y-you don't understand me, do you?"

"Poy!" said Kirby as he started clapping his hands.

The mii fighter sighed, turned around and got back on his motorbike, he then told Kirby to watch his speed and drove off.

"… dumbass…" giggled Kirby as he put his keys back into the car.

"My, my!" clapped Bayonetta as she approached the left window. "That was diabolical! I'm impressed!"

"well you know, everyone around here seems to think that I'm stupid and can't speak and sometimes, it's useful!" told the puff ball.

"Bayonetta!" cried Lucas. "We need to get the sausages in the fridge!"

"Oh yeah!" responded Bayonetta. "Well, it was a lovely chat, Kirby, have a nice evening!"

"why don't I give you two a lift?" asked Kirby innocently.

"that would be lovely!" giggled Bayonetta.

The umber witch opened the passenger door and pulled the seat forward allowing Lucas to climb in and then sat down herself. Kirby revved the engine and in a couple of seconds, the wheels spun around without making the car move and then the car took off at 300 mph and flew down the road.

Ike, Marth and Roy had gone out roller skating and the boys were getting fitted for their skates.

"Ooh! This-u beats combat training!" yelled Marth from his changing room which was just an empty space with a curtain around it.

"You said it!" cried Ike as he strapped his skates on and rolled out of his changing room. He was then met in the open area leading to the rink by Marth.

The two waited for Roy to join them and like clockwork, he did.

Roy emerged from the changing room wearing a skin-tight black spandex suit with a bright pink Tootoo and pink roller skates.

"Roy? What are you wearing?" asked Ike concernedly.

"What? Marth-kun said this what Japanese people wear when roller skating, Marth-kun? Why aren't you wearing yours?" responded Roy.

Marth then put his hands across his mouth as he tried not to laugh and then it all came blurting out.

"A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" cried Marth with laughter. "YOU ACTUALLY WORE IT?!" he yelled, now rolling around the floor.

Roy's eyes began to fill with tears as he looked down at the ridiculous outfit he was wearing and started to put the pieces together.

"It… was a prank?" mumbled Roy.

Marth was laughing so hard that his sides were in agony.

Roy stormed off leaving the other two swordsmen to their own devices.

"What's his-u problem?" asked Marth as he wiped the tears of laughter away from his eyes.

Ike said nothing and smacked the idiot round his head and chased after the red-haired ballerina – err! I mean swordsman!

Roy stormed into a back room, tore the Tootoo off his waist and threw it at a wall. He then tried to remove the spandex from his body, but it was too tight, so he sat down on a bench and started crying, Ike soon walked in to find the red-head with his head in his hands.

"Roy?" called Ike as he put his arm around his fellow swordsman. "You okay?"

"N-no… not really…." Sobbed the red-head.

"Why don't you tell me all about it?" asked Ike comfortingly.

"I just thought… this one would be different…" told the sad swordsman.

"What?"

"this tournament…" said Roy. "In Melee, Marth-kun teased me for having a bad recovery even though his recovery was crap, and in brawl, he would send me postcards saying things like 'wish you were here… oh wait! No I don't!'"

"Really?" asked Ike, now more interested than ever.

"When I got back in smash 4, he mocked me for being DLC and said that no-one would ever pay to use me and now that I'm finally back for good, I thought things would be different…"

"Then… why are you in love with him?"

"Honestly… I couldn't help it…" told the red-head. "I was drawn in by his charm and good looks… it was like 'you love him, and you hate him, and you hate that you love him and love that you hate him and vice versa'"

"… I guess you can't help who you fall in love with..." mumbled Ike as he started to rub Roy's back to comfort him, looking starry eyed at the red-head, of whom he had been developing a little crush on.

"I've never told anyone this…" mumbled the red-head in between sniffles. "please don't say a word!"

"I won't!" promised the hero king.

Roy then started tugging on the tight suit he wore so Ike made him stand up.

"Come on!" said Ike as he extended a hand. "Let's go get you out of that death trap!"

Roy nodded and followed Ike somewhere to cut Roy out of his clothes. Neither of the two knew it but Marth was standing behind a wall and listened to the entire conversation.

Peach, Daisy, Palutena and Zelda were out shopping for new dresses in the high street.

"OOH!" cried Zelda as she held up a puffy blue dress to her body. "This one's so nice!"

Peach then had a look at the label.

"Huh… it says Ganondorf designed it, turn it around!" commanded Peach.

As Peach had instructed, Zelda turned it around, revealing that it had a crayon drawing of Link being impaled by a huge, rock spike with two black exes scribbled across his eyes.

"… I'll take it…" said Zelda in a sinister tone.

"Zelda, look at the price!" told Palutena.

"7,000,000 SPIRIT POINTS?!" cried Zelda in disgust. "NO THANK YOU!"

The princess of Hyrule then slammed the dress back on the clothes rail and folded her arms in a strop.

"Ooh!" cried Daisy as she held up an exact replica of Peach's dress. "Peach! We can be twinsies!"

"NOPE!" responded the princess. "Nuh-uh! No way!"

"Why not?!"

"because everyone keeps mistaking you for me as it is, I do not want to give them a legitimate reason to now!" told the princess of the mushroom kingdom.

Palutena emerged from the changing room wearing a long, puffy purple dress and she pirouetted in it a couple of times.

"Oh! Isn't it lovely?!" she said in awe as she closely examined herself in the mirror. "Guys?"

Palutena looked over to see Peach and Daisy having a little disagreement with one another. Zelda was caught in the middle and was trying to break it up as the duo threw high-heeled shoes at each other.

"I need to find new friends…" sighed Palutena.

"Okay! Hold still!" commanded Ike in his man voice, sounding really manly because he is a man.

Ike steadied his sword and positioned it along the neck of the spandex suit Roy was wearing.

"When you said you'd cut me out of it, I didn't think you meant with your sword!" said Roy with beads of sweat rolling off of his forehead.

Ike then gently pierced the suit and dragged the sword downwards making an incision in the fabric which Roy could then tear open and peel off.

"Ah! Thank you!" said Roy with relief.

The ginger-haired warrior peeled off the suit revealing that he was only wearing his boxer shorts underneath.

"Err… Roy? Why are you in your underwear?" asked Ike, seeming a little bit uncomfortable.

"It made it easier to get into the suit!" he told.

It seems that neither one of them gave regard to where they were because Roy had left the only outfit he had bought with him in the changing room at the roller rink and the two were currently in the bathroom of the café where the trio had lunch. One of the cooks asked to borrow Ike's sword to cut up some cucumber and Ike forgot to get it back.

"What are we going to do?!" cried Roy. "The roller rink is on the other side of the street!"

"I know!" said Ike as he ripped his cape off. "Put this around you to cover yourself up!"

Roy took the generous offer from Ike and wrapped it around his body, it was so big that Roy was able to cover everything except his feet, ankles and his head.

"We should probably go and get your clothes!" said Ike.

"Yeah!" responded the red-head.

The boys of house seven were just chilling like normal when they heard an ungodly sound erupt from the front garden.

Dark Pit opened the door and converged on the scene and was soon joined by Shulk and Pit, the latter of whom could not stop staring at one another awkwardly.

The trio saw Bayonetta and Lucas get out of a seemingly normal car that was being driven by Kirby and noticed that there were thick, muddy tire tracks scraped across their front garden and broken fences and mail boxes all along the street.

"WHAT THE FUCK MAN!" cried Dark Pit as he looked at the devastation the puff ball had caused. "LOOK AT OUR FUCKING GARDEN!"

"Pittoo! Calm down!" commanded Pit.

"NO!" responded Dark Pit angrily.

"… Black Parade!"

"**WHEN I WAS! A YOUNG BOY!**" sung Dark Pit as he descended to his knees.

Pit then turned to Shulk and said, "I just bought us another 5 minutes!"

Shulk giggled.

Bayonetta looked at the trio and demanded that they be put to work so Lucas didn't have to carry much. Pit took the packs of rolls, Dark Pit took the sausages, Shulk took the fizzy drinks and Bayonetta took the salad items leaving Lucas with the job of thanking Kirby and wishing him a lovely evening.

"Thanks for the lift Kirby!" called Lucas.

"No Problem!" responded the marshmallow as he revved the engine, cranked up the stereo and started blasting out a loud rock song. The rocket boosters appeared from the rear of the car once more and Kirby darted off down the street.

Zelda and Palutena were sitting in the waiting room of a police station after Peach and Daisy had been arrested for public disturbance.

Daisy's mascara was running down her face and she had a few tears in her dress. Peach on the other hand, had a couple of bruises on her cheek, a cut lip and was currently touching up her make-up as if nothing had happened. Both of them were in the same interviewing room.

"LOOK!" yelled Peach at the interviewer. "SHE JUST CANNOT HANDLE THE FACT THAT I'M A BIGGER DEAL THAN HER—"

"EXCUUUUUUUSE ME?" retorted Daisy.

"Oh! Don't get so offended!" said Peach. "You wouldn't be here if it weren't for me putting in a good word for you!"

"AHEM!" yelled the officer. "you ladies aren't going to prison… but, you will have a criminal record—"

"NOOO!" sobbed Daisy. "MY PRECIOUS TEACHING CAREER!"

"You're not a teacher!" added the princess of the mushroom kingdom.

"MY PRECIOUS TEACHING COURSE!"

"You never started a teaching course!"

"MY PRECIOUS ENTRY REQUIREMENTS!"

"For what college?"

"MY PRECIOUS DBS CHECK!"

"That's better!"

"Well this has been fun, ladies, your friends posted your bail so you're free to go!" told the officer.

"Wonderful!" said Peach as she stood up, pulled out a foundation palette and started to dust off her face. "Better get changed for my date!"

"What date?" asked Daisy suspiciously.

"A date with... MY SOFA!" told Peach theatrically.

"UGH! Our sofa!" argued Daisy. "We live in the same house, remember!"

"Did I say the one in the living room? You don't know what's in my room—"

"How'd you fit a sofa in your room, the rooms are tiny!"

"I had the hands give me a larger room… some kind of magic thing!" said Peach.

"Aw!" cried Daisy. "I want a magic room!"

"Go talk to the hands!"

"Meh!" responded the brunette. "Maybe later! I'm beat!"

"It's only about 5 PM!" said the blonde.

"Yeah? So?"

"How can you possibly be tired?"

"I lifted more fingers than usual today, it's not easy leaving your servants behind to take part in a super amazing tournament!"

"AMEN!"

Bayonetta and Lucas spent the past half an hour or so preparing their delicious hot dogs for the others to indulge in. How they can work in a kitchen together, I don't know. Even if someone's only in there for a drink, I can stand it when there is someone else in the kitchen while I'm – Ah! Sorry about that, I'm sure you don't want the life story… back to the plot.

"Smells good!" cried Pit as Bayonetta and Lucas bought over the salad and drinks and then went back into the kitchen to retrieve the sausages and buns.

"I hope it's bacon!" added Dark Pit who had developed a slight obsession with bacon, can't say I blame him.

The cooking duo laid the rest of the feast on the table to let the others see their marvellous creation.

Lucas placed a large bowl that was full of the sausages in between Shulk and Pit who were sitting opposite one another. They both stared at the bowl replaying what had happened earlier in their minds, they were now rather uncomfortable.

Dark Pit rushed at the chance to assemble a hot dog as he then noticed that Pit was uncharacteristically quiet in the presence of food.

"Not hungry, ass-crack?" asked Dark Pit as he shoved the hot dog in his mouth.

"Come on Shulk, Pit, we're losing daylight and your hot dogs won't build and eat themselves!" giggled Bayonetta as she repeated Dark Pit's actions.

Shulk and Pit hesitantly reached into the bowl where their hands met above a sausage and the two of them locked eyes.

Pit's heart was racing out of his chest, so much so that Dark Pit could sense it. A couple of beads of sweat rolled off of Pit's forehead as he stared into the eyes of the Monardo wielder.

Shulk had never seen the light catch Pit's aquamarine eyes in such a way before, it almost looked like they were sparkling. Shulk stared back into the angel's eyes and then things got a little awkward for the rest of the table as they were doing nothing but stare into each other's eyes and not speaking as they kind of held hands in the bowl.

"Bayonetta?" asked Lucas quietly. "Are they gonna kiss?"

A sudden realisation overcame the angel and the dirty blonde, and they immediately removed their hands from the bowl and looked everywhere but at each other.

"Don't rule it out!" whispered Bayonetta to Lucas.

"well…" said Dark Pit. "That was awkward!"

Ike and Roy came in through the front door of their house with the former carrying his torn cape.

"Even though we didn't get to roller skate today…" began Roy as the two of them sat on the couch. "I've really enjoyed spending time with you…"

"Yeah me too!" responded Ike. "We didn't really get to hang out much in the other tournaments!"

"Yeah… I guess it's hard to befriend someone who is DLC…"

"Hey!" said Ike as he started resting his hand on Roy's knee. "Don't let Marth get to you…"

Roy looked down to see Ike's hand there and became a little flustered in both fear, and excitement of what might happen.

"… I'll try not to…" responded the red-head.

The two swordsmen stared deeply into one another's eyes as the both lent in and their lips met. Ike's heart was pounding like a jack-hammer and Roy became so flustered that he longed to remove his shirt. The longer their lips stayed together, the more they never wanted to let go. Roy then wrapped his arms around Ike's shoulders and Ike passionately put his hands on Roy's face. Roy opened his eyes slightly and to his horror, he noticed a spectator peeking through the window to observe their moment.

Roy quickly backed out of the kiss and stared at the window.

"What is it?!" panicked Ike. "did I do it wrong?!"

"No! look!" said Roy as he pointed to the window.

Behind the window stood Ness who was holding a video camera and recording their private and intimate moment.

"Oh! Don't mind me!" yelled Ness from outside the window. "I'm just relishing in the beautiful yaoi."

Ike then stood up, picked up his sword and approached the window causing Ness to scream in fear and run away.

"Damn fujoshies!" mumbled Ike as he once again laid down his sword and joined Roy on the couch.

The two would then spend the rest of the night talking, kissing and falling in love… (sorry for those who ship Marth-X-Ike and Marth-X-Roy, but I like this ship because Roy's vulnerable on the outside and Ike's vulnerable on the inside and it works… its pretty cute, is it not?)


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next morning, Bayonetta was busy making breakfast for her house mates as the boys slept the morning away. Dark Pit and Lucas had fallen asleep on the couch watching wheel of fortune… wait? That can't be right… Oh! They had previously been watching American Horror Story and wheel of fortune came on after.

Bayonetta dusted off her pancakes with icing sugar and then strolled over to the dining table, holding a giant stack of pancakes in one hand and a jug of maple syrup in the other.

In a similar fashion to how Lucas had woken the house up the morning before, Bayonetta pulled out a trumpet and played it as loud as she possibly could without knowing what to actually do when it comes to playing a trumpet.

"Why…" groaned Dark Pit. "Why is this house so loud?"

"No…" murmured Lucas. "Five more minutes…"

Pit had gotten up before Shulk this morning and was making his way to the stair case when Shulk emerged from his room wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. The angel was too busy staring at Shulk's sculpted abs to look where he was going, and he plummeted down the stairs… like an idiot.

"PIT!" cried Shulk from atop the stairs. "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!"

"WALK IT OFF! DUMBASS!" yelled Dark Pit.

"I'M CALLING DIBS ON THE PANCAKES!" added Lucas unsympathetically.

"NOO!" replied Dark Pit to Lucas. "I'M A GROWING EMO! I NEED ALL THE PANCAKES!" said the dark angel as him and Lucas started shoving one another in a fight for the pancakes.

"I WILL NOT HAVE ANOTHER BROKEN WINDOW!" cried Bayonetta. "LEARN TO SHARE!"

Shulk rushed down the stairs to check on Pit.

"Pit?" asked Shulk as he looked at the spinning stars above Pit's head. "Are you awake?"

"Uh… I think… uh!" said Pit as he passed out.

"Well…" added Shulk. "He's out, what's for breakfast?"

As Shulk sat down at the dining table with the others, Bayonetta approached the fallen angel with a spray bottle filled with water. She began squirting him.

"Wake up…" she mumbled. "You ought to wake up soon or you won't be fed!"

"EW!" cried Pit as he came to. "Why am I soaked through?"

"I had to wake you up somehow!" told Bayonetta innocently. "come and get your pancakes before they're gone!"

As per her instruction, Pit weakly stood up and joined the other four at the table and lifted a generous helping of pancakes onto his plate.

Marth had prepared a lovely little breakfast in bed for Roy to apologise for his cruel prank last night. The breakfast consisted of two pieces of toast, three sausages, three bits of bacon, scrambled egg and baked beans with a glass of orange juice and a little card on the tray that said, 'I'm sorry '.

Marth carefully opened Roy's bedroom door and found Roy sleeping in the same bed as Ike with the latter's arm wrapped around the former's chest.

"THE FUCK IS THIS?!" cried Marth in disgust as the other two swordsmen woke up and saw the blue-haired swordsman standing there with the tray in his hands. "YOU'RE SLEEPING TOGETHER NOW?!"

"Why do you care, Marth?" questioned Ike suspiciously. "You're nothing but a bully to him!"

"ME? A BULLY?" said Marth sarcastically. "THE ONLY REASON I PICKED ON HIM WAS TO MAKE HIM TOUGH!"

"I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO MAKE ME TOUGH!" cried Roy. "I just wanted to be friends with you… apparently, that was too much to ask…"

Marth gulped and quickly backed out the door once again and threw the tray of food from the top of the banister angrily and it landed on the hallway floor which Robin was currently vacuuming.

"HEY!" she yelled back. "I'M TRYING TO CLEAN UP HERE! CAN YA NOT?!"

"FUCK OFF!" growled Marth back to the swordswoman.

"DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE!" yelled Robin as Marth went back into his room and slammed the door.

Roy and Ike were still laying side by side in Roy's bed.

"Ike…" said Roy. "Why didn't you put your boxers back on last night?" asked the red-head as he lifted up the sheets revealing that Ike was butt naked.

"Could ask you the same question…" responded Ike with a little wink of the eye as he lifted the sheets once again revealing that Roy was also butt naked.

"Because last night wouldn't have been so fun if we had!" winked Roy.

Ike merely giggled.

Ness's ears perked up as he sat upright sensing what was happening between Roy and Ike.

"DID SOMEONE SAY YAOI?" he asked excitedly.

Lucas had just gotten dressed and was descending from the stairs wearing his usual attire.

"see ya Bayonetta!" cried the blonde. "I'm going out!"

"Since when do you go out?" questioned the umber witch suspiciously. "You've hardly left your room unless I made you."

"I'm going to the mall with Dark Pit!" told Lucas innocently.

"alright!" said Bayonetta as she picked up a rucksack. "I packed you some Capri-suns for if you get thirsty! Have fun!"

The woman in black then waved the blonde goodbye as he met up with Dark Pit and began the stroll to the mall.

"You not worried?" asked Pit.

"Oh no!" said Bayonetta. "as long as he doesn't bring some hooker back here, it will all be fine!"

As Lucas and Dark Pit entered the mall, Lucas handed the dark angel a black currant flavoured Capri-sun and Lucas took out an orange one and began to drink it.

"So?" began the blonde. "Where do you wanna hit first?"

"Hmm… let's see…" hummed Dark Pit. "Hot Topic, then we'll go to Mac Donald's, then Hot Topic, Game, Hot Topic and if there's time, Hot Topic!"

"Sounds good!" said Lucas.

Ness and Link were huddled together on a couch that was seemingly in the basement of their house. The room they were in was decorated lightly with magnolia walls and some fairy lights hanging around the edges of the room with the couch pressed up against the wall and the TV was opposite it.

The pair was indulging in volume 14 of Hetalia and squealing over every second of beautiful Yaoi.

"UGH!" cried Ness. "I don't know who I ship more?!"

"Tell me about it!" added Link.

"I ship Germany with Italy and I also ship America with England, but I can't decide which is cuter!"

"Speak for yourself." Said the Hylian. "If Spamano doesn't happen, I'm gonna die!"

"I feel the same about Austria and Switzerland!" said Ness excitedly.

"DID SOMEONE SAY YAOI!?" yelled a flamboyant figure from the doorway.

"Captain Falcon?" questioned Link. "You're a Fujoshi too?"

"FALCON YEAH!"

"Who do you ship in Hetalia?" asked the Hylian.

"What's Hetalia?" replied Captain Falcon who offended Ness on a personal level.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" cried Ness. "YOU DON'T KNOW HETALIA?"

"N… No?" responded the captain.

"COME HERE NOW!" said Ness as he was patting the couch to show Falcon where he was going to sit. "Sit down, we are watching Hetalia!"

"Okay, how long is it?" asked Captain Falcon.

"About 13 hours…" said Link whilst putting a finger to his chin.

"Ah! It's doable in a day!" replied the captain.

"You are going to love it!"

Zelda, Peach, Robin, Lucina, Palutena and Daisy were taking a lovely walk down the high street.

"Oh! Shall we try out that cute little boutique?" asked Zelda as she pointed to it on the maps being displayed on her iPhone.

"Go on Yelp, read the reviews, I dare you!" added Robin.

Zelda fell silent as she calmly obeyed Robin's instructions.

"Overpriced? Bad customer service? *gasps*" questioned the princess of Hyrule.

"What is it?" asked Palutena curiously.

"They fucked up their make-overs… Ivysaur1969 said that they went completely overboard with the body paint and didn't even listen to the customer!"

"What a travesty!" cried Lucina dramatically.

"How… ahem… fat… are you ladies feeling today because I'm in the mood for waffles?" asked Peach as she pointed to a waffle house on her iPhone which had a black case with a red skull and cross-bones on it.

"I'm feeling as fat as Yo mama!" yelled Robin.

Palutena then smacked the white-haired woman.

"I could go for waffles!" added Lucina.

"As could I." Said Zelda as she felt her stomach grumble.

Robin looked over to the brunette princess trailing at the back of the group.

"You alright Daisy?" asked the tome user. "You've hardly said a word!"

"oh I'm fine, it's just…"

"What?" questioned Palutena suspiciously.

"I got a date request from Link…"

"YOU DID?!" cried Zelda as she dashed to the brunette and hugged her tightly. "THIS IS FANTASTIC! NOW I DON'T HAVE TO KEEP IGNORING HIM, HAVE YOU SAID YES?!"

"err.. no?" replied Daisy.

Zelda then grabbed Daisy's ankles and clung on for dear life as she begged and pleaded for the princess to romance the Hylian.

"PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASE!" begged the princess of Hyrule. "I'LL DO ANYTHING, WANNA BE PRINCESS OF HYRULE? I CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN!"

"Zelda No!" argued Daisy. "I don't find him attractive at all!"

"DON'T MAKE ME BEG!" cried Zelda. "ANYTHING YOU WANT, WANT MY CASTLE, MY MONEY? WANT MY POWERS?"

"you'd give up your powers just to get Link off your case?" questioned Lucina.

"I am desperate!" added Zelda.

"Seems like you'd be better off erasing him from reality…" blurted Palutena innocently.

"You mean… _killing _him?" clarified Zelda.

"If you like…" giggled Palutena.

"well… I'm not saying no—"

"EEEEEEEP!" cried Peach.

"What? Are we under attack?" cried Robin.

"WHO DO I GET TO STAB WITH MY FABULOUS SWORD?!" yelled Lucina.

"IS IT LINK!? Oh please let it be Link…" added Zelda.

"What? No!" responded Peach. "You're all crazy, especially you, Palutena!"

"I didn't say anything?" argued the goddess.

"Then what is it?" questioned Daisy.

"The new Spa is finally finished!" said Peach anticlimactically. "UGH! My nails have been begging for mani-pedis!"

"Did it open today?" asked Lucina.

"It seems so!" said Palutena as she looked down at her diamond encrusted iPhone. "there aren't any reviews yet…"

Robin gasped excitedly, "WE CAN BE TREND SETTERS!"

"Let's go in!" pleaded Zelda.

As the Hylian princess instructed, Peach opened the door and went into the Spa followed by her friends.

Squirtle had disappeared from his house to visit Pikachu and some of the other Pokémon who got into smash.

The tiny turtle was invited into a crazy-ass house where Greninja and Incineroar were wrestling on the dining table and Pichu was doing Jigglypuff's make-up… she did a better job than Isabelle and Corrin.

"PIKA! (Oh! Hey Squirtle!)" said Pikachu, welcoming the friend into the house in a thick Russian accent.

"Squirt! (wow… they're loud!)" exclaimed Squirtle uncomfortably.

"Pika Pika? (Are they bothering you cause I can dispose of them?!)"

"Squirtle – (no, no, it's fine-)"

"PIKA, PIKACHU! (EVERYONE, SHUT THE FUCK UP, WE HAVE A GUEST, HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT!)"

"Gren… Greninja? (The fuck you gonna do about it… rat?)" retorted the ninja frog.

"Pika? (Speak to me like that again and I'll – **_BEAT YOU BLACK AND BLUE UNTIL YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A BARELY CONSCIOUS CORPSE WITH BRUISES COVERING YOUR ENTIRE BODY… I WILL THEN THROW YOU ON THE BARBEQUE AND LAUGH AS YOU SCREAM FROM THE PAIN OF FEELING YOUR OWN FLESH COOK FROM THE OUTSIDE INWARDS… I WILL THEN SHARE YOUR CHAR-GRILLED MEAT WITH THE VERY SAME POKEMON YOU SEE IN THIS ROOM AND WE WILL ALL ADMIRE HOW SOFT AND TENDER AND JUICY THE MEAT IS KNOWING FULL WELL THAT I TENDERISED IT MYSELF _**– zap you!)"

Greninja gulped and did the only thing he could, sacrifice every shred of his dignity by bowing to his almighty yellow god in the hopes of staying alive.

"Hay pecuchoo! Hoos yer hunbsum frand?" asked Jigglypuff as she wobbled over.

"Pika pi (Don't mind her, she was dropped as a baby… a couple times… on purpose… by me…)"

"Squirt! (Well… that totally doesn't make me fear for my safety…)" told Squirtle.

"Pi! Pichu! (Hunny! Y'all don't even know the shit I have to put up with!)" told Pichu in a sassy tone. "Pi… Pi Pichu! (Yesterday, she went and forgot her wallet at the fanciest boutique in town and I had to wire 50K to Isabelle's account by midnight or she was gonna come to our house and cut the heads off bunnies at the foot of my bed until I did so…)"

"Uzeballe es scery!" added Jigglypuff.

"Squirt! (I.. I really need to hang out with people who are less… murdery)"

Peach, Daisy and Robin were sitting in the blue leather seats having their Mani-pedis done while Palutena, Lucina and Zelda were getting massages off of some hunky, non-descript, Australians which got to smash in some unknown way.

"OH RIGHT THERE!" cried Palutena. "THAT'S THE SPOT!"

"Palutena, are you enjoying yourself too much?" asked Peach from her seat as the strange looking machine trimmed, filed, painted and encrusted gem stones onto their fingernails.

"No, no!" giggled Palutena. "This one's just found were I carry all of my tension!"

"And where might that be?" asked Robin nervously.

"In between my shoulder blades!" responded Palutena triumphantly. "Where did you think I meant?"

"Err… nothing… yeah, nothing important!" added Robin.

"That doesn't make any sense—"

"Peach?" asked Lucina.

"Yes?" replied the princess.

"Do you have any more of that Iced-tea?" said the swordsman as the hunk started repeatedly karate chopping her back.

"Not on me but I can whip up some more when we get home!" said Peach.

A strange woman with grey skin and brown hair tied up in a messy ponytail walked in. She was wearing a grey and blue outfit and was very slim and well-toned.

"Hello!" cried the woman. "I'm Wii Fit Trainer and I own the spa, are you all enjoying yourselves?"

"Oh Yes!" responded Zelda. "This massage is heaven!"

"I'm glad… well ladies, are you ready for the next part of the spa treatment?" asked Wii Fit Trainer.

"next part?" questioned Lucina. "I paid for nails and a massage!"

"As did the rest of us!" added Daisy.

"Well it says here that you paid for the complete package!" said Wii Fit Trainer as she looked at a receipt.

"You only displayed nails and massage on the window!" added Robin.

"Well that isn't all we do here!" told the grey lady. "and we don't do refunds, so you have no choice but to partake!"

"Partake in what?" asked Palutena nervously as the hunks stepped back into the back office.

"Let's call it… Physical therapy!"

"That doesn't sound very therapeutic!" added Lucina as she blew on her newly polished fingernails.

"I hope you ladies have good endurance!" said Wii Fit as she opened a zen slide door that covered the entire back wall of the spa, revealing a yoga studio. "Because we are going to do five hours-worth of workouts in 30 minutes!"

The ladies looked at each other in horror of what was to come… they were not going to have fun.

Ivysaur had just finished washing off the body paint from the previous day and removed all the flowers from her bigger flower.

"Graw! (I wasn't sure that was ever going to come off!)" exclaimed Charizard.

"Ivy, Ivysaur! (Me too! Six hours of scrubbing later and here we are!)" responded the grass type. "Ivy! (It's a good thing water is not super effective against me!)"

"You looked rather funny when you returned!" said Lucario causing Ivysaur to send him a death-stare.

"I must say though…" began Mewtwo. "Even though they went a little bit over-board, their make-up is impressive… if I could afford it, I would make an appointment myself!"

"You're a legendary Pokémon and you can't afford a make-over?" questioned Red.

"And you're a Pokémon champion and you can barely afford to buy a Pokéball!" retorted the legendary Pokémon. "A title does not equal wealth!"

"Graw! (At least you two have your own money!)" began Charizard. "Graw! (I've been mooching off of my parents for the last 30 years because I can't hold a job!)"

"Surely you'd be good at roasting food!" said Lucario. "You are a fire type!"

"Growl! (Yeah, good at disintegrating things!)" growled the fire dragon.

A small, yet powerful, knock pounded on the door a couple times as a light-pitched voice sang from behind it.

"IVYSAUR!" sang Isabelle. "IT'S TIME TO PAY YOUR DUES!"

"IVY, IVY, IVY! (OH CRAP, OH CRAP, OH CRAP! I DON'T HAVE HER MONEY!)" panicked Ivysaur.

"we got this…" said Mewtwo as he approached the front door. "ahem – IVYSAUR IS NOT HERE, SHE'S AT WORK!"

"YOU KNOW I'M A DOG, RIGHT?" asked Isabelle.

"SO? WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?" questioned Mewtwo.

"IT MEANS I CAN HEAR HER… I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, IVYSAUR!" sang Isabelle cryptically. "WHERE'S MY FUCKING MONEY?"

Mewtwo then teleported from one side of the door to the other and appeared before Isabelle.

"HOW DARE YOU APPROACH _MY _HOUSE AND USE SUCH COLOURFUL LANGUAGE IN THE PRESENCE OF CHILDREN!" scolded Mewtwo.

"You don't have any children!" retorted Isabelle with her hands on her hips.

"ARE YOU STUPID?!" asked Mewtwo in a very sarcastic tone. "RED IS ONLY TEN!"

"Really? He looks like he's at least eighteen…"

"You… You're not very familiar with the Pokémon universe, are you?"

"no.. Not really."

"Pokémon is designed like an anime, so all of the ten-year-olds look twenty and all the moms look 15!" explained Mewtwo.

"And how old are you?" questioned Isabelle.

"HOW DARE YOU ASK A GENTLEMAN HIS AGE!"

"Oh! You must be old then!" giggled the dog.

"I'M ONLY 20!" cried the psychic Pokémon.

"Oof!" said Isabelle as she stared at the Pokémon. "Only 20 and you have all those wrinkles…"

"I DON'T HAVE WRINKLES!"

Isabelle then pulled out a round mirror and held it in front of Mewtwo's face allowing him to see his wrinkles.

Mewtwo gasped in horror.

"WRINKLES?!" gasped the Pokémon. "I HAVE WRINKLES!"

"You know… we could fix that right up at my salon—"

"DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!" begged Mewtwo. "MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL AGAIN!"

Isabelle grabbed the Pokémon and started dragging him by the collar bone towards the salon, giggling the entire time while Mewtwo wept for the fact that stress had given him wrinkles.

Lucas and Dark Pit had been at the Mall for an hour and this was the third time they were in Hot Topic.

Dark Pit was trying on some jet-black eyeliner in a mirror while he lip synced the lyrics to a fallout boy song.

"Lucas?" asked the dark angel. "How do I look?"

"You look cool, like the drummer in a rock band!" exclaimed the blonde.

"That was the look I was going for!" said Dark Pit smugly.

Lucas gasped as an impressive item caught his eye…. He glided towards it, picked it up and took it into the changing room closing the curtain behind him. Dark Pit then picked up a leather jacket with metal spikes on the shoulders and examined it.

"Excuse me? Roxanne?" said Dark Pit to the cashier who was a female mii fighter named Roxanne who was covered in tattoos, had black and blue hair and was dressed head to toe in black with her shirt displaying a 'bring me the horizon' album cover. "How does this look on me?"

"I don't know… Emo I guess… not that anyone cares…" responded Roxanne. "My manager said I'm supposed to be nice to customers, but no-one cared… not that anyone cares…"

"Wow… are you the only emo mii fighter?" said Dark Pit with astonishment.

"I don't know… not that anyone cares…" replied Roxanne in a monotone voice.

Lucas then appeared from the changing room seeming a little bit taller than usual.

"So Dark Pit?" began the blonde. "Whatcha think?"

Dark Pit then looked down to Lucas's feet to see that he was wearing bright red, knee high, leather high-heeled boots.

"OMIGOSH!" exclaimed the dark angel. "YOU LOOK FABULOUS!"

"hehehe…" giggled Lucas. "Thank you… I probably won't buy them though…"

"Why not?" asked Dark Pit.

"Because… looking good isn't a good thing for me…"

"Ah! You know who, eh?"

"Yeah!" said Lucas.

Dark Pit saw that Ness was standing outside of the Hot Topic store eyeing up Lucas. This was beyond Lucas's current line of sight.

"He's right behind me isn't he…" sighed the blonde.

"Yup!" said Dark Pit as he waved his hands to shoo Ness off.

"I'd better put these boots back then!" said Lucas as he returned to the changing room.

"Roxanne! I will take the Jacket!" cried Dark Pit as he pulled out another Capri-sun and started slurping on the straw.

"Cool… not that anyone cares…" said Roxanne as she took Dark Pit's money and gave him the jacket.

Lucas re-emerged from the changing room, placed the boots back on the shelf and looked at his watch.

"Dark Pit!" yelled the blonde. "We don't have time to come back to Hot Topic!"

"Oh, we can always come back tomorrow!" said Dark Pit as he put on his new jacked with a flourish and approached the door with Lucas, waving at the cashier once again. "It was lovely talking to you, Roxanne…"

"You too… not that anyone cares…" responded Roxanne.

The dark angel and the blonde started walking towards the exit of the Mall together carrying about 5 paper bags each that all said Hot Topic.

"I like Roxanne, she's a good laugh!" said Lucas in a giggly tone.

Dark Pit gasped. "Lucas! We made a friend!"

Lucas then gasped as he put both of his hands on his cheeks.

Zelda, Peach, Daisy, Palutena, Lucina and Robin had finally finished their 5 hours-worth in 30 minutes consisting of roughly 400 sit-ups, 250 press-ups, running on the spot and for the last five minutes, planking in a steady position.

"Ah!" sighed Wii Fit Trainer with a grin. "That was a great workout!"

"Huff… I… huff… can't… huff… even… huff… walk…" cried Zelda as she curled up into a ball and gently wept.

The other five women were too tired and in pain to groan, let alone to talk in between heavy breaths.

"well… I sincerely hope you come back to join us in workout once again, maybe my twin brother will show up next time, see you later!" said Wii Fit Trainer as she picked up her gym bag and jogged out of the front door.

Palutena used her magic to pull out her diamond encrusted iPhone to quickly text Pit and tell him to come with some others to drag them out of the spa because they physically couldn't walk.

***BZZ—RIIING***

"Oh, my phone buzzed!" exclaimed Pit as he reached into his pocket and pulled out an iPhone that had a light blue case.

"Anything important?" asked Shulk who was sitting beside the angel on the couch.

"Well… Palutena, Robin, Peach, Daisy, Lucina and Zelda were working out for 30 minutes and now they can't walk and need us to save them…" told Pit.

"Shall we tell Kirby to get his car ready?" asked Shulk jokingly.

"Not a bad idea…" said Pit ominously.

"Huh?"

"—Nothing… hehehe"

"Well if they need our assistance, we should be gallant and offer it up…" told Shulk righteously.

"Yeah, I guess so… being gallant and all that…" mumbled Pit.

"You don't sound like you want to do it…"

"Well… I'm really enjoying this movie." Said Pit as he tried to clean up his little mess.

"I am too, but it's the right thing to do…" said Shulk. "Is it not?"

"They won't appreciate it, at least, that's what experience has taught me…"

"Is it because you're finally on the same level as Palutena and you wish not to serve her any longer?" questioned the blonde brit.

"I guess so…" responded the angel.

Around that time, Lucas and Dark Pit walked in carrying their shopping bags from Hot Topic which gave Pit and Shulk the idea to pawn their job off on the emo duo.

"Hey Pittoo…" called out Pit.

"What is it, Dumbass?" responded Dark Pit.

"How would you like to go and rescue Palutena and the other populars?" asked the angel excitedly.

"Dude… NO!" groaned the dark angel. "Me and Lucas have plans!"

"Yeah!" said Lucas. "We're gonna dye each-other's hair while we drink Capri-suns and rock out to MCR—"

"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!" cried Bayonetta as she entered the room, snatched Lucas's bags and removed the hair dye from it.

"BAYONETTA!" whined the blonde. "I ONLY WANT TO DYE THE ENDS!"

"I AM NOT GOING TO BE THE MOTHER OF A CHILD WITH DIP-DYED BLUE HAIR!" yelled the umber witch. "GO UPSTAIRS AND FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK!"

"I DON'T GO TO SCHOOL, I DON'T HAVE HOMEWORK!" protested Lucas. "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO RUIN MY FUN?!"

"I'VE BEEN YOUR MUM FOR JUST A FEW DAYS, YOU HAVE BARELY HAD ANY FUN!"

"AND DYEING MY HAIR WAS MEANT TO BE FUN!"

"Nope, you cannot have blue hair, I will not allow it, maybe when you are old enough and live on your own, you can but while you live under my roof—"

"_Our _roof" interjected Dark Pit.

"Our roof, you cannot!" continued Bayonetta as she threw the hair dye in the bin.

"Aww man!" cried the blonde as he scuffed his shoes along the floor and sat down on the couch.

"Bayonetta, perhaps you can help us?" began Shulk.

"With what?" replied Bayonetta.

"Will you go and rescue Palutena and the other populars?"

"Why me? She specifically asked you two!" retorted the umber witch.

"Yes, but, me and Pit are really getting into this movie—"

"You're watching it on Netflix, it will be here when you get back!"

"*sigh* Pit, get up, we have to go and rescue them…" commanded Shulk.

"UGH! FINE!" whined Pit as he reluctantly stood up and dragged his feet out of the door, followed by Shulk.

Pit and Shulk entered the spa to find all six of the popular women sitting upright on the floor with the arms flopped by their sides.

"The hell happened to you lot?" asked Shulk.

"We did the most intense workout ever and this happened…" told Peach.

"You guys can handle fighting day in and day out and you can't take a workout session?" questioned Pit sceptically.

"Stop yapping and put us in the hot tub over their!" commanded Zelda.

"Zelda, that's the wrong 'there'" said Palutena.

"I'm so tired, I can't even grammar properly!" sobbed the princess who is totally not a witch.

As they instructed, Pit and Shulk lifted the women one by one into the hot tub and they were all fully clothed in their workout gear and didn't care. At least they weren't wearing their dresses and stuff.

"Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!" sighed Daisy with relief. "That's better!"

"Do you require anymore assistance?" asked Pit slyly.

"No thank you Pit, that will be all…" said Palutena as she sunk down to her neck. "After this, I should be able to teleport home with the others, see you later!"

"Okay then!" said Pit as he approached the door, seeming uninterested in the conversation.

"Enjoy your bath!" bowed Shulk as he followed behind Pit.

After hearing the door close behind the boys, Palutena turned to the girls excitedly.

"Does anyone else think that Pit and Shulk will end up together?" asked Palutena.

"Now that you mention it, I can see a little chemistry between them!" added Lucina.

"And they'd be cute together!" Zelda piled on. "Do you think they like each other?"

"Well it's too soon to say, but, we will be here for god knows how long so time will tell!" said Robin.

"AGREED!" chanted the ladies in unison.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Ness, Captain Falcon and Link had finally finished the last episode of Hetalia. There were a few tears running down the face's of the trio as to how beautiful the yaoi is.

"Sooo?" began Ness as he pulled out a handkerchief and wiped away his tears. "Who do ya ship?" asked the raven-haired child to Captain Falcon.

"Yeah! Spill!" cried Link excitedly as he snatched Ness's handkerchief and dabbed his face with the cloth.

"I ship EVERYTHING!" cried the captain.

"Good…" said Ness seeming pleased with himself. "The transformation is complete…"

" O!" wept the Hylian as he picked up a cushion and began to sob into it.

Ness sighed as he stood up, approached the mini-fridge in the corner of the room and pulled out a large bowl of sausage rolls which he then threw at the weeping elvish-human guy. The blonde then began shoving into his pie-hole and swallowing them whole. He soon regretted his decision to gorge on the sausage rolls as he started choking.

"FALCON HEIMLICH!" yelled Captain Falcon as he wrapped his humongous biceps around the Hylian's chest and gave him the Heimlich manoeuvre, Link then spat out a whole sausage roll that splatted on the wall.

"*cough, cough* Thanks Falcon!" coughed Link as more and more flakes of Pastry were regurgitated from his throat.

"Oh! Look at this!" said Ness pointing at his iPhone to show the other two some kind of event that was to take place later that evening even though it was already like 9 PM and no-one had any regard for sleep or some shit.

Bayonetta, her adoptive son and the other three stooges were sitting in the living room on the sofas looking bored… really, really bored.

"UGH! I'M SO BORED, LIKE SO BORED!" moaned Dark Pit. "I'M MORE BORED THAN THE FUCKING CUPBOARDS!"

"Pittoo!" groaned Pit as he lifted an empty Snicker's wrapper that was wedged between two couch cushions. "Put your wrappers in the bin!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT'S MINE!" cried the Dark Angel.

"Is this seriously the most interesting conversation that's going to happen tonight?" asked Shulk, seeming really bored, like mega bored.

"Surely there must be something on tonight!" said Bayonetta as she pulled out her iPhone and had a look to see if there was any events happening later on. "Well boys, who's up for getting stinking drunk?!"

"I AM!" yelled Lucas.

"You know what… you can hav drink tonight!" said the umber witch.

"YAY!" Cried the blonde excitedly.

"What's the plan?" asked Dark Pit curiously.

"They're having a party or something and the entire smash. Ultimate roster is invited, not everyone is going but yeah!" told Bayonetta.

"Where is it?" asked Shulk.

"That new Pub on the corner of the high street!"

"What's a Pub?" asked Pit curiously.

"A bar, Pit, a bar!" explained Shulk.

"Have you never seen words from England written in novels?" questioned Bayonetta.

"Well… I kind of… errm…" murmured Pit.

"THIS DUMBASS DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO READ!" yelled Dark Pit.

"Oh! You were serious when you yelled that after being launched out of the patio!" exclaimed Shulk.

Pit blushed at that last comment as his heart was pounding. The fact that his crush was mocking him a little filled Pit with a strange, sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Since you two are opposites…" began Lucas. "does that mean you can read, Dark Pit?"

Dark Pit then looked up from a newspaper he was currently reading and winked providing confirmation for Lucas's theory.

"Hmmm…" hummed Bayonetta. "I wonder what else about you two is polar opposite… let's start with your personality…"

"Well I'm a lot nicer and Pittoo is a little shit!" scoffed Pit.

"Bitch please!" cried the dark angel. "I'm only a little shit towards you!"

"How about—"

"It's simple really!" piled on Dark Pit. "I can read, this loser can't. I'm emo, Pit isn't. Pit's gay and I'm not straight but I'm not gay!"

"Pit's gay?" questioned Bayonetta as the angel started banging his head on a brick wall.

"You haven't noticed?!" cried Dark Pit in astonishment.

"Well I had my suspicions…" replied the umber witch.

"How do you know all of this?" asked Shulk curiously.

"We're two halves of a whole, I know everything about him, and he knows everything about me!" told Dark Pit.

"That's intriguing—"

"YEAH! IT'S WONDERFUL, MOVING ON!" cried Pit frustratedly.

"LET'S GO GET DRUNK!" yelled Lucas as he stood up waving his hands in the air like he just did not care.

"YEEEAH!" Agreed the others.

The bar was an average size with the exterior walls made of grey bricks and the interior being decorated with very gothic features. The walls were black with purple streaks which doubled up as the lights creating a soft purple glow in the room. The floor was grey, laminated wood that was completely flat. There were many booths with purple leather cushions with a round black table in the middle. There were also many tables scattered around the foreground of the bar with four chairs at each. The bar with the non-descript mii fighter serving people was a purple slab with a black shelf behind it with many brightly coloured bottles of different alcohols, one of which was labelled 'light whisky' and had skull and crossbones on it.

Zelda, Peach, Daisy, Robin, Lucina, Palutena and Corrin were sitting in one of the booths drinking Pink Gin by the pint-full.

"So Corrin…" began Peach as she tipped her head back and swigged a massive gulp of Pink Gin. "What is working at the Salon like?"

"Well…" answered Corrin. "It's been an experience—"

"WELL NUH!" said Daisy as she swayed from side to side, clearly she had too much to drink. "Y'ALL HAVIN' EXPERIENCES LIKE ALL THE TIMES!"

"Daisy!" yelled Lucina. "Be quiet!"

"Shut up!" retorted the brunette princess as she tipped her head back again and swigged approximately 900 ML of Pink Gin which immediately went to her head. "WHY DO YOU ALL HATE ME?"

"—"

"I'MA… I'MA… I'MA GO AND… GE… GET SOME MORE GIN!" said Daisy as she swayed from side to side as she stood up and approached the bar.

"Well as I was saying…" said Corrin, trying to get the subject back on track. "We have had some unusual customers… for some reason, the only people to want to get a make-over are the Pokémon."

"Oh really?" questioned Robin, seeming interested.

"Yup, our first customers were Ivysaur and Jugglaypoof and—"

"Jugglaypoof?" reiterated Peach.

"Yeah—"

"I think you mean Jigglypuff!" added Palutena.

"I don't f***ing know!" retorted Corrin. "Yeah, and as I was saying, the only customer since then was Mewtwo who is still having his make-over as we speak!"

"Huh… I wonder what he needs for a make-over…" pondered Lucina.

"Me too!" added Corrin.

"Then… shouldn't you be working right now?" questioned Palutena.

"Oh no! Isabelle gave me the night off… it's rare that she'll give me a night off, even if we weren't busy."

Daisy then staggered back to the table carrying two bottles of Pink Gin.

"oh lovely!" said Robin as she reached for one of the bottles.

Daisy then smacked the swordswoman's hand and clutched the two bottles tightly.

"I thought we were splitting the drinks tonight—"

"YOU CAN GO AND F**K YOURSELF!" retorted the drunk princess. "THIS MY GIN, ALL THE GIN IS MINE!"

Daisy then poured all of the other lady's drinks into one empty gin bottle and screwed the lid on, spilling nearly all of the gin onto the table as she did so.

"Hey! My Gin!" cried Lucina as Daisy snatched another cup.

"YOU MEAN MY GIN!"

"O K A Y!" cried Peach as she stood up angrily. "THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU ARE GOING TO BED!"

Peach then grabbed Daisy by the shoulder and started to pull her away.

"OH MY GOD, THIS IS SO UNFAIR!" protested Daisy. "YOU'RE NOT MY MOM, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO TO BED!"

"BE QUIET OR YOU DON'T GET TO WATCH TV!"

"aww…"

Daisy was soon dragged away from the bar and taken back to the house to be silenced – I mean, put to bed, yeah… that!

The night raved on and more and more people turned up to the bar to party including the residents of house 7. Pit, Dark Pit, Shulk and Lucas went and sat down at a booth while Bayonetta took their drink orders and went off to get them. Pit had a red wine, Shulk had a good, old fashioned, British Beer, Dark Pit had a Grasshopper and Lucas had a lemonade to save his one alcoholic drink until later and Bayonetta had a bloody Mary.

"Why are you drinking a Grasshopper? That's a gay drink!" prodded Pit.

"IF A GRASSHOPPER IS GAY, THEN RED WINE IS A F***ING DRAG QUEEN!" Retorted the dark angel.

"Hey! I take offence to that!" responded Pit.

"You are actually a twat!" scoffed Dark Pit.

"Hey!" said Shulk with a grin. "I taught you how to curse like a British person!"

"I'm confused!" cried Lucas but went ignored by the other three.

"All you need to do is call him a 'bloody wanker' and your lessons will be complete!" giggled the Monardo wielder.

"Nope, not yet at least…" added Dark Pit. "The moment lost its lustre!"

"Well you're sitting on a gold mine… don't waste it!" told Shulk.

"I'M STILL CONFUSED!" yelled Lucas.

"YEAH! SO?" Sniggered Dark Pit.

"Hmmph…" pouted the young blonde as he left the table.

A couple of minutes later, Bayonetta returned to the table clutching a tray with the drinks of the group in her hands.

"Where's Lucas?" she asked as she gently placed the tray on the table.

Ganondorf was sitting at the bar looking as grumpy as always. He had an empty glass in his hands that seemed to hold roughly 500 ML of liquid.

"Hit me again!" he groaned as the bar tender turned around and pulled off the bottle with the skull and crossbones on it, the light whisky.

The bar tender poured out a hefty glass of light whisky which he placed on the bar in front of Ganondorf who was completely unaffected by the intense percentage of alcohol in his bloodstream.

"Hey! Hey, listen!" whispered a light pitched voice.

"SHUT THE F**K UP, NAVI!" growled Ganondorf as he turned around and noticed that there was no-one there.

He then turned back around and noticed his light whisky had disappeared without a trace.

"What the—" he cried. "Where the f**k is my whisky!?"

He continued to search the immediate vicinity of the bar… he gave up and demanded the bar tender pour him another drink.

An unruly trio rocked up at the bar, the trio consisted of three different animals that were standing on the hind legs and walking around and talking like humans.

"We are so not having this discussion again!" cried the fox that was named Fox because he is a fox.

"What?" yelled the bird that was called Falco. "All I'm saying is that she could TOTALLY kick his ass!"

"The hell are you two losers talking about?" moaned the grey Fox… called Wolf? Are my notes correct? Hold on…

…

…

…

OMIGOSH! SORRY! HE'S A WOLF LIKE OMG!

"We're having the same conversation we had four times already!" yelled Fox.

"GODZILLA COULD TOTALLY BEAT UP DONKEY KONG!" screamed Falco as the trio sat down at a table.

"NOT THIS AGAIN!" growled Wolf.

"GODZILLA WAS KILLED BY WEAK-ASS HUMAN WEAPONS!" protested Fox.

"AND DONKEY KONG USES A FREAKING BONGO DRUM!" retorted the bird.

"YOU TWO, SHUT THE F**K UP… I'M SO SICK OF HEARING THIS!" retorted Wolf. "I NEEDA DRINK… SOMETHING STRONG!"

Wolf left his seat in a huff and approached the bar to get a couple of shots of vodka. Rather soon, Zelda approached the lone wolf (hehehe… see what I did there?) in a secretive manor.

"Pssst…" she whispered to him.

"Yeah?" he grumbled.

"They say you're the person to talk to… if I wanted to obtain certain items…" said the Hylian princess.

"What kind of items?" asked Wolf.

"The… not so legal kind…"

"Now what does a princess need with illegal items?"

"I have a problem… a pest problem… I would like to deal with it as swiftly as possible…"

"So you want to eliminate a pest, do you?" clarified the wolf.

"I do indeed!" responded Zelda eagerly. "Can you help me or not?"

"I can't!" said Wolf.

"Why not?"

"Because I've gone straight… I only commit legal crimes."

"What legal crime would that be?" asked Zelda.

"The stock market!" replied Wolf triumphantly.

Zelda face-palmed and walked away trying to purge this interaction from her memory.

Pit, Shulk, Bayonetta and Dark Pit had been sitting without Lucas for about twenty minutes until he finally returned. Lucas rocked up to the table while being unable to keep his balance.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey guys…" he stammered.

"Where have you been?" scolded Bayonetta. "I've been worried sick!"

"I just… got a dwink fwom the bar…" said the blonde.

"What did you drink?" asked Pit concernedly.

"Whatever Ganondorf… had." Grinned Lucas innocently.

Bayonetta looked to the bar to find out what Lucas had drank and to her horror, it was Ganondorf's Light Whisky. Her face grew a little worried, but when she turned around to warn Lucas about what he had drunk, he had disappeared again.

"Where is he now?" questioned Bayonetta frustratedly.

Just then, Ness, Link and Captain Falcon walked in looking a little confused as Lucas climbed onto the table.

"ahem – MAY I HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION PLEASE!" yelled Lucas from atop the round table.

Lucas then ripped off his clothes revealing that he was wearing a bright pink leotard underneath his clothes. The blonde started to sing very off key and loudly, but he didn't care.

**I'M SO GAY, I'M F***ING GAY**

**I'M A DUDE WEARING NAIL POLISH YELLING HEEEEY!**

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM THE BAR?" yelled Bayonetta who was at the bar clutching her purse in her hands.

"THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT!" responded the drunken blonde.

"THEY DON'T HAVE THAT!"

"Then I'll have some peanuts… but make them **ROASTED**!" yelled Lucas back at his adoptive mum.

**I'M THE DUDE AT THE PARTY WHO'LL GRAB YOUR BUTT,**

**AND WHEN YOU TURN AROUND TO LOOK AT ME, I'LL BE LIKE ****_WHAT?_**

Lucas then winked at Marth who was standing at the bar on his own making the latter very uncomfortable.

**I'M GAY, I'M A HELLA GAY**

**I WATCH ZAC EFFRON MOVIES EVERY SATURDAY!**

Lucas then stumbled as he got off the table and approached Ness.

"You know… if it'll get you off my case, come here…" stuttered Lucas as he grabbed Ness and gave him a little peck on the lips.

"EEERRRRRR?" responded Ness as Lucas faced away from him.

"WHO WANTS A KISS?!" yelled Lucas at the top of his lungs.

"NO-ONE!" replied Marth aggressively.

"Okay! Marth's first!" cried Lucas as he grabbed Marth and gave another peck on the lips.

Bayonetta picked Lucas up by his leotard and dragged him out of the bar in a huff as she waved goodbye to the others at the table.

"Well that was odd…" said Shulk as he tried to fill the awkward silence in the bar.

"This tournament is weird!" yelled Link.

"OH CRAP!" cried Zelda. "HIDE ME! QUICKLY!" she yelled to her friends as she cowered behind her upturned dress that she tried to conceal her face with.

"Oh hey Zelda!" cried Link as he approached the princess.

"For the love of the gods, Link! GO AWAY!" said Zelda as she screwed up her face behind her dress fabric.

"I was just gonna tell you that everyone can see your bloomers when you have your dress like that." Said Link innocently as he turned around and walked away.

Zelda looked down to see her Naruto bloomers on show for everyone and gasped in horror.

"I think I have those same undies!" added Lucina.

The Hylian princess sat down at the table with her friends, downed a pint of Pink Gin and hid her blushing face in her hands.

It had been half an hour since Lucas's musical debut and more smashers had turned up to the bar to party, including Rosalina, Ike and Roy.

The two swordsmen entered the bar while holding hands which immediately caught the attention of Link, Captain Falcon and Ness, the fujoshies.

Ness dashed over to the bar where Ike and Roy were standing together with their hands intertwined.

"OMIGOSH!" cried the raven-haired boy. "ARE YOU TWO AN ITEM?!"

"Err?" the swordsmen replied in unison.

"TELL US EVERYTHING!" cried Link as he joined the conversation.

"WHO'S THE TOP?" added Captain Falcon.

"Dude! What the F**k?" yelled Ness back at Captain Falcon, the former of whom was disgusted that Captain Falcon would even ask such a question.

"YOU DARE DEFIAL THE BEAUTIFUL NAME OF YAOI IN PURSUIT OF A DIRTY MIND!" Screamed Link.

"I don't believe in Yaoi…" said Rosalina innocently.

"WHA?" cried the trio of fujoshies in unison.

"WE ARE FIXING THIS RIGHT NOW!" yelled Ness as he dragged Rosalina into the bathroom and was then followed by Link and Captain Falcon.

"That was weird, right?" said Roy as he tried to process what the f**k had just happened.

"That was every level of weird…" replied Ike.

"I… I think we should prepare ourselves for—"

***CRAAASH… BANG! SMAAAAASH… GLASS SHATTERING***

"EMBRACE THE YAOI!" the entire bar heard Ness yell from within the bathroom after that commotion.

"… That…" said Roy as he finished his sentence.

"I NEVER EVEN WANTED TO BE THE STUPID PRINCESS OF HYRULE!" sobbed Zelda as she put away 2 litres of Pink Gin. "I WANTED TO BE A BALLERINA BUT WAS I ALLOWED? NO!"

"Zelda, Hunny, I think you've had enough to drink—" said Lucina.

"SHUT UP, YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" cried Zelda. "I'M THE UNITED BLOODY KINGDOM AN' I CAN HOLD MY LIQUOR BETTER THAN YOU ANYDAY!"

"For the love of the gods, who let her watch Hetalia?!" Added Robin frustratedly.

"It totally wasn't me…" said Lucina as she raised her hand slightly into the air.

"Honestly Lucina! You're just as bad as the fujoshies!" said the tome user.

"Please don't tell dad!" begged Lucina.

"I wouldn't worry too much…" said Robin. "Chrom is so stupid, he wouldn't even know what anime is… he couldn't even handle the directions to this bar…"

"Okay then…" replied the swordswoman.

"DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MANY TIMES GANONDORF HAS KIDNAPPED ME?!" screamed Zelda, once again feeling the effects of the alcohol.

"I'm guessing it's a lot…" replied Corrin.

"BITCH! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!" yelled Ganondorf from the bar. "EVEN I HAVE LOST COUNT!"

"UH, CAN YOU SHUT THE F**K UP?" screamed Zelda at Ganondorf.

"Hey! WE AGREED TO A TEMPORARY TRUCE WHILE THE TOURNAMENT IS ON, BACK OFF!" replied the demon king.

"This night is just odd…" remarked Palutena.

The green-haired goddess then looked over to Pit's booth and noticed that Pit and Dark Pit were sitting together without ripping each other's hair out.

"Hello Pit, Pittoo…" said Palutena as she approached the trio sitting in the bar.

"Lady Palutena!" said Pit. "What are you doing here?"

"Just checking on you two!" smiled the Goddess of light. "You two on good terms?"

"Well yeah!" added Dark Pit. "We're sitting together aren't we?!"

"Actually, Pittoo has been a little bit abusive towards me—"

"WHO SAID YOU COULD SPEAK!?" yelled Dark Pit as he threw a bottle of wine at Pit causing it to smash over the head of the angel and stained his clothes red.

"It's mostly been like this since the tournament began!" said Shulk to Palutena.

"I guessed so…" giggled Palutena.

Bayonetta opened the door using her witch powers and dragged Lucas in by his collar, she then plopped him on the couch and went into the kitchen to prepare a couple of litres of coffee to sober Lucas up.

"UGH!" cried the blonde. "I DON'T WANT COFFEE, IT TASTES LIKE DIRTY!"

"YOU'LL HAVE COFFEE, SOBER UP AND LIKE IT!" scolded the umber witch.

"CAN WE GET MACDONALD'S?!"

"Lucas, it is 2:30 AM, MacDonald's is going to be closed!"

"Stupid witch—"

"OI! I'm letting that slide because you're drunk!"

"MacDonald's is open 24/7… Duh!" slurred Lucas.

"Be quiet and go to sleep!" commanded Bayonetta.

"Night Mom!" murmured Lucas as he drifted off.

"Goodnight…" replied the umber witch.

She then picked up the coffee-pot and took a massive swig of the beige liquid letting an 'mmm' escape her lips… (I need a new sentence for a moment in which one enjoys coffee because I have used that like 5 times).

Zero-suit Samus walked into the bar clutching the severed head of Ridley in her hands, she sat down on a round stool at the bar and placed the head on the stool next to her.

"I'll have three shots of vodka please!" she groaned.

"Of course… just one thing…" mumbled the bar tender.

"What is it?" asked Zero-suit.

"Did… did you kill Ridley?"

"Yeah…" responded the bounty huntress.

"W… why?"

"Don't be too worried..." said Samus ominously. "There's still seven other alts I need to kill…"

"Err… What?"

"Are you gonna get my vodka or do I have to come over there—"

"C-Coming right up ma'am!"

"Ma'am?" questioned the blonde. "Is there anything about the way I am dressed that would lead you to believe that I want to be called _Ma'am_?"

"Here's your vodka!"

"Ahh, sustenance!" said Samus as she downed each shot one at a time.

Around the sae time, Rosalina and the fujoshies emerged from the bathroom with satisfied grins on their faces.

"You were in there a while, are you alright?" asked Ike.

"Oh yes!" said Ness.

"That's good!" added Roy. "I haven't been stressed like that since my ex-girlfriend decided to use my sword to carve wood—"

"I don't believe in heterosexuality…" said Rosalina.

"Oh Crap!" cried Ike. "The hell did you do?!"

"Oh my god!" yelled Roy. "You have corrupted everything!"

Rosalina then floated to the top of a table and addressed the bar.

"NOT ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT!" yelled the bar tender.

"ahem…" said Rosalina as she started pointing at various people in the bar. "You're gay, and you're gay, you're gay and you are all lesbians!"

"we're lesbians?" questioned Zelda as she slurred her words, she then shrugged it off. "Okay then. Come 'ere Lucina…"

"EW! NO!" responded the swordswoman as she pushed Zelda's head away from hers.

"I'M OFFENDED!" cried Palutena. "I CAN'T BELIEVE A MORTAL WAS YOUR FIRST CHOICE OVER A DIVINE PIECE OF THIS!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MORTAL!?" cried Lucina.

"YOU, DUH!" replied the green-haired-goddess.

"WELL LETS SEE HOW WELL YOUR PUNY POWERS STAND UP TO MY SWORD!"

"Ladies, ladies…" said Robin calmly. "You simply must try some of this delicious drink… I have no idea what it is, but it is positively wonderful!"

"Robin?" questioned Palutena. "Where did you get that?"

"I f-found it in the bathroom…" replied Robin innocently.

"Mom, the cup says 'tequila' on it!" said Lucina.

"I thought it was a little strong…" said Robin.

"Oh my god!" cried Zelda. "She's completely s**t-faced!"

"So are you…" retorted Palutena.

The bar tender then approached the ladies table with a concerned look on his face.

"Excuse me ladies…" said the bar tender.

"Yes? What is it?" said Palutena.

"It's the end of the night, I have to call your tab…"

"How much is it gonna be?" asked Lucina.

"Well seeing as you cleared out our entire stock of Pink Gin, it'll be roughly 400,000 spirit points—"

"Nope, sorry…" said Robin. "I don't think we'd like that very much… I like keeping my money in my purse which is at home with most of my tomes…"

"Well if you aren't willing to pay now, you can wait and pay later… however, you will not be served here until the balance has been paid in full—"

"Sorry to disappoint you but we're all broke!" yelled Palutena as she swung one of her legs over the other and put on a pair of shades.

The bar tender sighed as he walked away, trying to forget about this strange interaction.

The Pokémon rocked up in a large cluster and all seemed a little 'already drunk' as it was. Red was accompanying them as their designated driver as it were.

"No-one drink too much, okay—" commanded Red.

"PIKA! (I don't listen to no trainer!)" cried Pikachu.

"Well you will listen to me—"

"Pika, Pika (In soviet Russia, Pikachu catches you!)" retorted the yellow Pokémon.

"Ay wunt oll da tee!" cried Jigglypuff excitedly.

"PIKA! (You'll have nothing and like it!)"

"wuts nufeng?" asked the pink puff.

"Ivy, Ivysaur… (How is she so stupid?)" asked Ivysaur, obviously because Ivysaur was in the speech, duh.

"Ets ah geft" responded the puff ball.

Lucario then appeared in front of all the Pokémon in a puff of smoke carrying a tray full of vodka shots. Jigglypuff then grabbed one and tipped it back.

"Oh my word, how concentrated!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Pi, Pichu! (What happened to you, you actually know words like concentrated?)" cried Pichu in astonishment.

"You would question a lady's intellectual girth after the influence of alcohol, have you no shame?" responded the pink Pokémon.

"Leave it be…" advised Lucario.

All of those who remained at the bar that night and hadn't returned to their homes kept on partying until 5AM when the bar closed leaving the bar tender with the job of calling Ubers for all of the drunken smashers and cleaning up the mess they had made. The smashers who had drunk far too much were now going to sleep off their drunkenness like a bad hangover… with the exception of some.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

It was 10:38 AM the next day and Lucas was sleeping off his hangover on the couch while Bayonetta was stood in the kitchen wearing a fluffy pink dressing gown and clutching a cup of coffee with two hands, watching over the blonde protectively.

Shulk soon descended from the stairs wearing nothing but a tee-shirt and boxer shorts with little brown slippers.

"Woo!" he cried. "what a night!"

"You and the others got absolutely hammered…" began Bayonetta. "How are you not hungover?"

"hangovers and I came to a little understanding a while ago…" told the dirty blonde.

"Well I suppose I should go and check on the others and make sure they are alright…"

"Huh…" said Shulk. "who'd have thought you'd become the mother of the entire house…"

"Oh hush!" commanded Bayonetta as she ascended the stair case to check on the sleeping angels.

She started with the end of the hallway and checked Pit's room, she quietly opened the door and peered around it to see if Pit was sleeping okay.

The angel was sleeping with his head on the pillow and his butt elevated and was snoring loudly. The umber witch smiled and let him be closing the door behind her.

She then went into the door next to Pit's to check on Dark Pit as he slept off his hangover.

She found the dark angel sitting on a black cushion with a mirror positioned in front of him. He had a straightening iron in his right hand and was straightening his black hair as a stereo at a low volume played the song 'Black Parade' by My Chemical Romance.

Dark Pit then laid down the pink and be-dazzled straighteners on the table in front of him and then slapped on some black eye-liner around his eyes which soon started running down his face as he began to cry.

"_we'll carry on… we'll carry on…" _snivelled Dark Pit as he resumed his hair straightening.

"Are those my straighteners?" asked Bayonetta as she entered the room fully.

**"****GET OUT! I'M HAVING A MOMENT!" **yelled the dark angel.

"Why are you crying and more importantly, why aren't you hungover?"

"BECAUSE MCR ISN'T GETTING BACK TOGETHER!" cried Dark Pit.

"Is that the reason you're crying or the reason you're not hung—"

"BOTH!"

"Alright, as you were…" said the umber witch as she left the room closing the door behind her.

Zelda, Lucina and Palutena were lying in a pile by the front door, they had seemingly collapsed upon entry to the house and just zonked right out on the welcome mat… at least they remembered to close the door when they came in.

"Ughh…" groaned Lucina at a whisper volume. "I swear… I am never drinking again…"

"Please stop yelling…." Begged Zelda as she screwed up her face.

A door from atop the stairs opened and a jolly pink princess stepped through it, singing her usual song that she sings for a taunt, you know, the one that's like 'la, la-la, la-la' or something.

The princess of the mushroom kingdom then hopped onto the staircase banister and slid down it singing a song called good morning which was just the words 'good morning!' repeated over and over again because Peach is a princess, not a lyricist.

"GOOOOOD MORNING!" sang Peach as she finally reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Peach… Shut up!" cried Palutena as she feebly tried to open her eyes and was soon blinded by the dull daylight.

"How about I make us some peach-iced tea and then we can throw it all over Daisy to wake her up and then I'll make some more, and we can recover from our hangovers, yeah?" proposed Peach.

"If it means you'll shut up, get your ass in the kitchen!" commanded Zelda frustratedly.

"tee-hee…" giggled Peach as she skipped into the kitchen and started making the iced-tea.

As the princess started chopping up the peaches, a powerful knock started pounding on the front door which sent shivers down the spines of the hungover ladies.

"DOES NO-ONE UNDERSTAND QUIET?!" cried Zelda as she stood up in a huff and opened the door.

Upon opening the door, Zelda discovered a tall and muscly man with long brown hair standing there, holding a stack of leaflets which all had a picture of the Holy Cross on them.

"Hello, I'm Richter and I'm here to spread the word of the lord, Jesus Christ—"

"Richter was it?" interrupted Zelda. "Listen… I'm incredibly hungover and hangry, I'm fairly certain that becoming a devout Christian is going to fix that so you'd best be on your way!"

"Come on, Man!" cried the God fearer. "Your house is like fifty blocks from mine!"

"There aren't even that many blocks in the entire neighbourhood, stop wasting my time!"

"Just come to Sunday Mass, it's transformative—" said Richter as the door was slowly slammed in his face.

"Ugh!" groaned Lucina once more. "The hell did he want?"

"I dunno, to join some cult or something…" responded Zelda.

"IT'S READYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" sang Peach in a pitch that was so high, all of the windows started vibrating as if they were about to shatter if Peach had kept on singing any longer. From the kitchen, Peach came through carrying a pitcher of iced tea and five pre-poured china cups on a black, wooden tray.

"Thank the Backstreet Boys' Manager!" cried Palutena as she eagerly stood up and took a cup off of the tray and gulped it down.

"What do the Backstreet Boys have to do with this?" asked Peach confusedly.

"Everything…" responded the green-haired goddess.

"well you are clearly delusional from your hangover…" said Lucina smugly. "If we're talking about 90's boy bands, there is one clear winner, Take That!"

"Take That over NSYNC?" questioned Zelda sceptically. "Y'all are crazy…"

"we should at least be thankful that Daisy isn't in this conversation…" mumbled Peach as she put a china cup to her lips.

"What makes you say that?" asked Lucina.

"Daisy is a hardcore K-POP fan—"

Daisy's eyes shot open and she dashed from her bedroom to the living room in under three seconds.

"WHO SAID K-POP?" asked Daisy in a very serious tone. "IS IT BTS?"

"Err"

"OMIGOSH, ARE THEY TOURING?!" the brunette princess squealed. "I NEED TO GET TICKETS!"

She then sprinted out of the front door in search of non-existent BTS tickets faster than you could say 'banana'.

"Well there goes my prank.." said Peach disappointedly.

"And here comes yesterday's lunch!" cried Lucina as she dashed to the downstairs toilet to vomit.

"Wait?" said Palutena. "What happened to Robin and Corrin?"

Robin and Corrin had somehow stumbled into a karaoke bar that was still open during the day and the two ladies who were both f***ing hammered were standing on the stage. Neither one of them was standing still and they both were slurring the words to their song. They were attempting to sing 'you've got a friend in me', but because they were so drunk, not a single word they sang could be understood as English.

Pit and Lucas had finally awoken from their drunken slumber with massive hangovers which made them feel as though someone had run over their heads with a steam roller.

"Why did you let me have alcohol?" groaned Lucas. "I'm never going to drink again…"

"This and not learning to read are my only regrets!" added Pit as he rubbed his aching head.

"Lucas I understand, but you pit…" said Bayonetta in an unhelpful way. "You're such a light weight…"

"He always has been!" added Dark Pit as he flipped his emo fringe out of his face.

"well at least you didn't drink LIGHT WHISKY!" scolded the umber witch, her scolding being directed at Lucas.

"I regret it more than you do!" moaned Lucas.

"Okay, I've put it off long enough…" said Bayonetta as she left the room in a hurry.

"Put what off for long enough?" questioned Shulk.

Bayonetta then returned carrying an electronic piano or keyboard or whatever it's called.

She plugged it in and began to play. She ran her fingers over it a couple times to warm herself up and then clicked her fingers. Using her index finger, she played the g-note and held it prolonging the sound which then caused Dark Pit and Lucas to start crying.

"NOT A G-NOTE!" cried Lucas as he hid his face in his hands.

"I need a minute…" said Dark Pit as he took in a breath, held in his tears and slapped some black eyeliner on again. After this strange regime, he then let the waterworks flow. "**_I'm okay… I'M NOT OKAAAAAAAAAAY!" _**

"Yeah… you really aren't!" added Pit.

Dark Pit picked up an electric guitar with pictures of Gerard Way plastered all over it and threw it making the standard guitar ring as it impacted Pit's skull leaving a big purple bump on his forehead.

The guitar, however, was completely fine, it sustained no damage whatsoever.

"ARRRG!" cried Pit as he rubbed his head in pain. "What was that for?!"

"You do not get to comment on whether I'm okay until you learn how to read!" responded the dark angel.

"You can play guitar?" questioned Shulk to Dark Pit.

"Nah!" responded Dark Pit in an emo way, flicking his straightened fringe out of his face. "I just have it cause I found it on Wish with all of these head shots of Gerard on it… I simply had to have it!"

"It looks absolutely fabulous!" added Lucas.

"I think we should start a band…" said Bayonetta out of the blue. "You can take guitar lessons and Shulk can play the drums."

"What about Pit and me?" questioned Lucas.

"Lucas… you can play the key-tar and Pit can be a back-up dancer!" giggled Bayonetta.

"Me… a back-up dancer?" questioned Pit.

"Yeah!" replied the umber witch.

"I can barely play just dance!" protested the angel. "You really think I could be a back-up dancer!"

"So what are we going to call this hypothetical band?" asked Shulk.

"hmmm…" pondered Bayonetta.

Dark Pit then snapped his fingers as an idea popped into his head. "I've got it!"

"What?" asked Pit nervously.

"My chemical depression!" The dark angel said innocently with a hint of depression.

"OH MY GOSH!" cried Lucas. "IT'S PERFECT!"

Shulk, Pit and Bayonetta face-palmed.

Roy and Ike were sleeping together on the couch with the lighting turned pink and intimate using the central lighting system of the house. Marth had woken up a little hungover and was dawdling down the stairs where he then caught a glimpse of the handsome duo sleep-cuddling on the sofa.

"SERIOUSLY!?" cried Marth angrily. "This s**t again?!"

"H…huh? Wha?" mumbled Ike as he woke up.

"UGH!" moaned Roy as he opened his eyes. "Wha? I'm tryin' to sleep!"

"You two aren't a real couple!" said Marth frustratedly. "You're just trying to make me jealous!"

"Jelly?" said Ike. "It's too early for dessert…"

"Dessert?!" echoed the blue-haired hero. "Am I being ignored?!"

Rosalina then entered the room hovering above the ground ever so slightly with her Luma floating by her side. She gently touched Marth's muscular arm as she said "do not interrupt the yaoi…"

"What the hell happened to you?!" asked Marth curiously. "Wasn't yaoi on the list of things you don't believe in?"

"now it is the only thing I believe in…" responded the blue space-woman.

"This just gets weirder everyday…" mumbled Roy.

"Did you know I own space?" asked Rosalina to the trio of swordsmen.

"Bulls**t!" cried Ike.

"wow… I'm just the epitome of irrelevant…" added Marth.

"Go out and find yourself a rich husbando..." giggled Rosalina as she patted Marth's shoulder.

The trio of swordsmen facepalmed in unison.

Other than Jigglypuff, none of the Pokémon got very drunk last night, and even still, Jigglypuff barely had a headache let alone a hangover.

"Pi, Pichu! (Last night was fun…)" said Pichu excitedly.

"In what way was it fun?" questioned Lucario. "You're a minor, you can't drink!"

"Pichu, pi (No but I partied… whilst sober… mkay maybe it wasn't that fun…)"

As Pikachu woke up, he looked around the room he was in seeming a little concerned.

"Pika! Pika! (This isn't our house!)" he said in a panic. "PIKACHU! (how the f**k did we get here?!)"

"Rad lut oos ztae hear!" said Jigglypuff.

"PI! Pichu! (SOMEONE GET THIS QUEEN A DRINK!)" cried Pichu.

As Pichu had commanded, Red re-emerged with a bloody Mary in his hand and then put it in Jigglypuff's nub.

"Luuks leke crenburies…" said Jigglypuff as she tipped the small glass back and savoured the taste of the alcohol.

"You know we are now going to have to keep her drunk just so we can understand her in the future." Said Lucario in a low tone.

"Ahh…" sighed Jigglypuff. "While I'm not really a fan of cranberries, they do pair nicely with this vodka… what is it, Smirnoff?"

"No, its just cheap vodka from Tesco…" said Red innocently.

"UGH!" responded the pink puff. "You dare compromise my love of vodka with cheap garbage?!"

While the puff ball, Lucario, Red and Pichu were discussing the vodka that Red had used, Squirtle looked around and noticed that someone was missing.

"Squirt? (Hey, where's Mewtwo?)"

Mewtwo was sitting alone in the middle of Pikachu's living room with a heavily made-up face and looked much younger than he did before he went to the salon. I'd say he didn't look a day over 2 years old!

His mascara had run down his face from where he had been crying as no-one was around to see the marvellous work that Isabelle had done.

"I hate this place…" he mumbled out loud in the large, empty room.

Pikachu was sitting atop a cushion by the window of the landing of Squirtle's house. He was replaying a fairly fond memory in his head.

_"__Hey guys!" cried Pikachu excitedly. _

_"__What is it?" replied Kirby who was amongst the other ten smashers. _

_It was back in the times when Smash Bros. was but a little baby concept and there was only 12 characters, by this point, the original group had no idea who the twelfth smasher was going to be._

_"__Todays the day we find out who else got into smash!" said the yellow Pokémon._

_"__OOH!" cried Ness. "Are we getting another EarthBound Rep?"_

_"__Come on, be serious!" said Samus from within her power-suit._

_"__What-a franchise do you-a think they come-a from?" asked Luigi._

_"__Be nice to have a Fire Emblem character!" said Fox innocently._

_"__The hand said that we'd get two in the next tournament…" added Captain Falcon._

_"__Then who is it?!" asked Mario._

_"__I hope it's someone cool!" said Link._

_A little red car then pulled up outside the small house that the original twelve were going to call home for the time being. From it emerged an unruly figure wearing a straw hat with a red ribbon tied around it._

_Master Hand then teleported in front of the front door and opened it with his index finger and thumb and allowed the figure to step through._

_"__Gentlemen and Samus, this is Jigglypuff and she will be joining us in this tournament representing the world of Pokémon!" told Master Hand._

_"__Hello!" she addressed the group. "It is just wonderful to meet you all!"_

_"__Why do you look like me?!" asked Kirby seeming offended. _

_"__I don't know!"_

_"__OMIGOSH!" cried Samus excitedly. "SHE'S SO CUTE! LIKE A LITTLE BABY!"_

_"__Samus… don't go there!" said Captain Falcon._

_Samus then ignored the flamboyant captain and leapt out of the group and hugged Jigglypuff tightly._

_"__MUST PROTECT THE BABY!"_

_"__Who are you calling baby!?" asked Jigglypuff. "I happen to be a refined and elegant lady!"_

_"__Well I already like you more than that other thing…" said Link. "You're much cuter than Pikachu!" _

_"__Excuse me—"_

_"__No-one cares Pikachu!" yelled Kirby._

_It was at this moment that Pikachu knew that he would have to get rid of Jigglypuff if he wanted to remain superior… or at least make her really annoying._

_"__Remember, you are free to fight but NO HAMMER!" told Master Hand. "For some reason, the damage the hammer does is permanent… we found that out the hard way…"_

_"__How so?" questioned Link._

_"__Well put it this way… the damage was so severe that we had to find someone to replace the original character… how'd you think Ness got in—"_

_"__HUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!" cried Ness in a shocked tone. "WHO DID I REPLACE?!"_

_"__oh! Some brat from your franchise… what was his name again?" pondered Master Hand. "…Nine-ten?"_

_'__hehehehehe…' thought Pikachu evilly because Pikachu is secretly evil… SPOILERS :D. 'The hammer will be the perfect tool to dispose of this little pink tart!'_

_Later, during a match between Pikachu and Jigglypuff._

_"__Hey Jigglypuff…" called out Pikachu._

_"__Yeah? What is it?" replied the balloon Pokémon._

_"__Will you just check this food for me please!" said the electric rat as he pointed at a small piece of pie on the floor._

_As Jigglypuff bent down to examine the pastry treat, Pikachu pulled out one of the hammers and smacked Jigglypuff with it is hard as he possibly could causing Jigglypuff to be instantly knocked out and leaving Pikachu the victor of the match._

_The other ten smashers were waiting at the match lobby when Jigglypuff returned looking a little strange. Her eyes seemed to be facing apart from each other which was weird._

_"__How was the match?!" asked Captain Falcon._

_"__Hay… Aym Jugglaypoof!" said Jigglypuff._

_"__Err… what's up with her?" asked Samus concernedly._

_Pikachu then returned looking a little too smug._

_"__Pikachu!" cried Kirby. "What did you do to her?!" _

_"__I won…" responded the yellow rodent ominously._

_Master Hand suddenly burst in looking panicked… either that or he had a cramp in his fingers._

_"__OH CRAP, OH CRAP, OH CRAAAAAAAAP!" he cried getting more and more worried. "WHO THE HELL HIT HER WITH A HAMMER?!" _

_Pikachu smugly raised his hand._

_"__YOU IDIOT! SHE'S NOW STUCK LIKE THIS FOREVER!" cried Master Hand._

_"__What do you mean?" asked Samus. "Can't you just replace her, aren't there hundreds of Jigglypuff in the world she comes from?"_

_"__Its not that simple!" responded the hand. "I've already finished cementing the tournament's code, it can't be changed!"_

_"__Well then… we should see if we can understand her a little better…" said Mario._

_"__ay wunt teh fyght ugen!" said Jigglypuff. _

This memory never failed to put a sadistic smirk on the yellow Pokémon's chubby little face.

Kirby was in his house among Link, Captain Falcon, Ness and Female Villager.

"Okay retards!" cried Villager like she had some big announcement. "We need to decide on what we're having for dinner!"

"Ugh! Is that even a question?!" cried Link.

"What!?" said Villager frustratedly. "WHAT!?"

"… Yaoi!" responded the Hylian. "What else would we have for dinner?"

"How about food you moron!" responded Kirby.

"We wouldn't have to go shopping every ten seconds if you weren't such a pig!" added Captain Falcon.

"I'm not a pig!" retorted the little pink puff. "I just have a black hole for a stomach… its not my fault!"

"Either way, we've already blown through 80% of our food budget in the few days we've been here, we're gonna have to get jobs if we wanna eat!" said Villager.

"well… I'm only 13!" said Ness. "Do I _have _to get a job?"

"Do you _have _to eat?" responded Kirby.

"I guess it couldn't hurt to look around for something…" sighed Ness.

"well that's that then" clarified Link.

"Wait!" cried Ness excitedly. "Why don't we do what me and my friends did in my home world?"

"And what was that?" questioned Captain Falcon suspiciously.

"Dig through other people's garbage and see if we can find any hamburgers!"

"EEWWW!" cried Link. "YOU ACTUALLY ATE TRASH?!"

"… y-yeah?"

"WE ARE NOT DOING THAT!" cried Villager in disgust.

"Uh! Fine, I'll get a job…" said the PSI powerhouse.

And with that notion in mind, all five of them pulled out their phones and surfed the internet to find a job.

"well that was quick, ta-ta!" said Villager as she put her handbag over her shoulder. "I'm off to work!"

"How'd you get a job so quickly?" asked Link curiously.

"I sold my soul to the devil… which reminds me…" responded the pink-haired girl cryptically. "You should receive a parcel soon in the mail, Kirby—"

"Shh!" silenced Kirby. "Don't blow my cover!"

"Well anyways, BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" sang Villager as she left out the door.

"I wonder where she's working…" said Link.

The hands were residing in their own private mansion that was far away from the smash suburbs. Their house was empty in terms of furniture and there were several letters pinned to the outside of the front door.

"…"

Master hand sat in silence looking at his brother in disgust.

"Hey bro!" called out Crazy Hand.

"What?!"

"Can I… um… go play the—"

"NO!" yelled Master Hand. "YOU BLEW ALL OUR MONEY ON THOSE F***ING SLOT MACHINES! WE HAVE AN OUTSTANDING BALANCE OF 5,000,000 SPIRIT POINTS AND YOU WANT TO GO AND MAKE IT BIGGER!"

"…"

"I HAVE TO SOMEHOW KEEP THIS TOURNAMENT UP AND RUNNING WITHOUT A F***ING BUDGET TO SPEND BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"Maybe I can—"

"SHUT UP! GO TAKE YOUR F***ING MEDS AND GO TO SLEEP!"

"But it's only 3PM—"

"DO AS I SAY FOR I AM YOUR BROTHER!"

Crazy hand complied with his aggressive orders and made his way upstairs, but instead of going to sleep like Master Hand had commanded, Crazy hand picked up a telephone and called an unknown number.

"Hello?" asked Crazy Hand.

**_"_****_YES?" _**replied an ominous voice from the other side of the phone.

"Everything is in place… MH is almost at rock bottom!"

**_"_****_GOOD…. DON'T STOP HERE…" _**said the voice. **_"I WANT YOU TO BREAK HIM UNTIL HE'S NOTHING, TEAR HIM APART!"_**

"I… err… actually can't tear him apart"

**_"_****_oh… WELL IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT HIM ANYWAY… KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, WHO KNOWS… I MIGHT HAVE A TREAT IN MIND FOR YOU IF YOU COMPLETE EVERY ORDER I GIVE YOU…"_**

"OH BOY!" cried Crazy Hand excitedly. "what is it?"

**_"_****_HEHEHE… IT'S A SURPRISE…"_**

The voice on the other end of the phone hung up and the earie presence was gone leaving the unstable hand to his business…

"Bayonetta!" cried Lucas and Dark Pit in unison. "HOT TOPIC, HOT TOPIC, WE WANT TO GO TO HOT TOPIC!"

"Yes, I know you want to go to Hot Topic…" echoed Bayonetta frustratedly. "I KNEW FROM THE FIRST TEN THOUSAND TIMES YOU TOLD ME!"

"Then take us!" protested Dark Pit.

"You went last time on your own!" questioned the umber witch.

"Yeah but then Pittoo got us banded because he kept putting on make-up samples with no intention to buy them!" said Lucas.

"You weren't meant to tell her that!" cried Pittoo.

"Oops!" responded the blonde.

"Oh! Nuh-uh!" said Bayonetta. "NO-ONE BANS MY CHILD AND HIS WEIRD FRIEND FROM ANYWHERE!"

"Yay!" the boys said simultaneously.

"Lucas! Grab your shit! I have an emo pair to unban!" said Bayonetta as she triumphantly stormed out the door followed closely by the blonde and the dark angel. The trio then made their way to the Hot Topic store in the mall. Don't worry! Roxanne had nothing to do with the banning ?


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

It had taken her about 30 minutes, but Villager had finally reached her new place of work. It was a shop on the high street which sold pigs… nothing but pigs, brown pigs, black pigs, pink pigs, f***ing rainbow pigs, even pigs that could speak if you could believe it.

In the pig shop, there was someone who was tending to a couple of the cartoon-looking pigs. This boy looked to be about ten years old and was dressed head to toe in green, green hat, green tunic… you get the picture.

"Oh hello!" he addressed Villager as she walked in.

"Hi!" she returned. "I'm new here and I start today…"

"Oh, are you new to the tournament?" the boy questioned.

"No! I'm working here!" she retorted.

"Okay, I'm Toon Link!" he said stretching out a hand to the girl. "It's nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too!" she said as she accepted his handshake.

"You can call me TL for short if it's easier…" he said.

"Okay, TL" Smiled Villager.

"Just a word to the wise…" Toon Link said. "Stay out of that shop across the road, they only sell Cuccos"

"what's a Cucco?" asked the pink-haired girl.

"an evil chicken species…"

"UGH!" cried Pit who was sitting beside Shulk on the sofa.

"What is it?" asked the dirty blonde.

"I'm so bored…" the angel moaned.

"Well… I don't know what to do!" responded Shulk.

"Well we need to think of something, or this chapter is gonna be really boring…"

"Wait what?"

"err – nothing!" said Pit innocently.

Peach, Daisy, Palutena and Lucina were out looking for Robin and Corrin, the latter of whom were still missing after the night at the bar. A recent text from one of the Mii Fighters had informed the ladies that they were passed out on a couch in Mr Game and Watch's restaurant. The two were lying on top of one another and Robin was drooling into Corrin's hair.

"Wake up! Bitches!" yelled Peach as she pulled out a jug of Iced-tea and threw it all over the sleeping duo.

"UGH! WHAT?!" cried Robin.

"Mom! Where have you been?!" asked Lucina angrily.

"Beep, bop, BOOP!" said Mr Game and Watch angrily as he stormed out of the kitchen and threw his frying pan at Corrin.

"Piss off you 2D sack of crap!" replied Corrin.

"Beep! Beep, BOOP BOP!" replied the one who everyone hates because he turns into an octopus for his final smash and annoys the s**t out of everyone because of the sheer range of his attack.

"You two need a wash, all I can smell is booze!" cried Palutena. "Its eye watering!"

Robin then lifted her arm and gave it a whiff… and gagged a little.

"Come on you two!" said Daisy. "If we hurry, we might be able to catch the end of BTS's performance at the Grammys—"

"NO!" cried Peach. "NO K-POP!"

"And what then?" questioned the brunette princess. "_Despacito?_"

"You know what?" Peach said smugly. "Despacito would be a huge improvement over BTS!"

"Even the Justin Bieber remix?"

"Don't insult me!"

"WHO SAID JUSTIN BIEBER!?" cried Pit as he stormed through the door excitedly.

"Go away, Pit!" said Palutena as she waved a hand and used her magic to send him out the door.

"How about we go home, have some cookies and drink peach iced-tea like the adult ladies we are?" proposed Lucina.

"LAME!" said Robin.

Lucina pouted at Robin's last remark.

"Come on ladies! We're going shopping!" commanded Peach.

"Uh do we have to?" moaned Corrin.

"Yes… we need new dresses…" repeated the pink princess as she grabbed her purse with a little flourish.

"Yay!" cried Palutena. "If you two can help it, can you not get arrested this time so that we can actually buy new dresses?"

"We'll try…" giggled Daisy.

Bayonetta was strutting angrily towards Hot Topic and was closely followed by Dark Pit and Lucas, the latter of whom was skipping merrily and humming the song 'Unfounded Revenge'.

The umber witch kicked the door open and gave a death stare at the cashier who was serving a customer, this customer being Cloud who will actually get lines in the future but for now is an innocent bystander.

"OKAY!" screamed Bayonetta at the cashier who was not Roxanne… we like Roxanne. "WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET OFF BANNING MY CHILD AND HIS WEIRD FRIEND FROM YOUR SHOP!"

"*gasps*"

"THEY ARE PAYING CUSTOMERS! YOU CLEARLY HAVE NO SENSE IN HOW A BUSINESS WORKS IF YOU ARE WILLING TO BAN PAYING CUSTOMERS!" the umber witch scolded as Lucas and Dark Pit nodded behind her to back her up.

"Ma'am—"

"DO NOT CALL ME MA'AM!" said Bayonetta as she took offence to the cashier calling her ma'am. "YOU WILL UNBAN THESE CUSTOMERS NOW!"

"Okay fine…" said the cashier as he took the photos of the emo duo off the board of banned people.

"YAY!" cried Lucas and Dark Pit simultaneously. "Emo stuff!"

"Well I think my work here is done… see you boys later!"

"Bye Bayo!" the duo yelled back at Bayonetta.

The cashier sighed and thought to himself, 'why did I choose to work at Hot Topic, we only get weird people in here?'.

Lucas and Dark Pit then spent the rest of the evening looking at emo stuff and debating on what to buy, for the record, the two of them are broke as f**k and can't actually afford anything in Hot Topic because it all costs more than 3 spirit points.

Marth decided to take Rosalina's advice and took it upon himself to find a rich husbando… or just a husbando. Rosalina may have had a cute ship in mind for this, however, Marth only wanted to make Ike and Roy jealous.

Marth may have misheard what Rosalina suggested and got himself on Grinder.

The radiant hero was now waiting for his hot date to arrive… the two of them were going to Mr Game and Watch's restaurant.

Finally at long last, Cloud, Marth's date, arrived. Given that the two of them are total weeaboos, the Grinder App suggested they had a 95% compatibility rating or some s**t.

"Hello…" the blonde swordsman began. "Are you Marth, the professional weeaboo?"

"Yes! You must be Cloud?" replied the radiant hero.

"So… how are you?"

"Yeah I'm good!"

"Just so you know!" said Cloud like he had a point to prove. "I'm not some poorly cleaned asshole, there's an entire man around it that you have to please!"

"Err – noted!" Marth said awkwardly.

"I trust you'll be picking up the cheque…" winked Cloud as he opened and held the door for Marth as the two entered.

Marth was beginning to feel like he had made a humungous mistake and was regretting his decision to use Grinder. He knew for certain that there was no future for himself and Cloud and that this night was going to be the most awkward of his life and he accidently walked in on Lucina in the shower during the smash 4 tournament.

Robin, Lucina, Corrin, Palutena, Daisy and Peach were in the same dress shop that they visited earlier that week, only this time, no-one was getting arrested. Nevertheless, the shop clerk was on edge about the group being in the store the entire time.

"Oh look at this!" cried Corrin. "This is adorable!" she reiterated whilst holding a navy-blue dress with a sequined hexagonal pattern sewn onto the cuffs and the pleated ends of the skirt. The dress was quite cute and had a sweet-heart neckline.

"Yeah it is… _but—_" added Lucina.

"What?" questioned Corrin in a monotonal voice.

"I'm not sure you have the right figure for it…"

Corrin gasped, "How dare you shame my body!"

"Not what I meant!" cried Lucina. "I just think that a pencil dress or something longer would look better on you!"

"Eh… you might be right…" she said as she put the dress back on the rail.

Peach and Palutena gasped excitedly as the two caught a glimpse of a short red dress that was hanging on the rail.

"ITS SO CUTE!" cried Peach.

"ITS LIKE FUSCHSIA AND ROSE AND STRAWBERRY HAD A BABY AND ITS BEAUTIFUL!" added Palutena as her eyes glistened a little.

"uh! I'm too short!" said Peach in a little sad tone. "You take it Palutena, you're tall enough!"

"Yeah but you're stacked… I'm just phlat!" replied the green-haired goddess.

"Hunny!" comforted the princess. "You're thicc and you know it!"

"Seriously!" added Daisy. "Either one of you would look great in that dress so one of you put it on!"

"You do it!" said Peach as she pushed the dress towards Palutena.

"No! I couldn't!" giggled Palutena as she pushed the dress back.

Daisy then snatched it from the duo and gave it to Peach and then pushed her into the dressing room.

"You could have given it to me…" snarled the green-haired goddess.

"Well I don't care!" replied the brunette princess.

Robin was eyeing up of puffy, frilly dress all in white which reminded her of her wedding to Chrom.

_Chrom was staring deeply and lovingly into Robin's eyes and vice versa, they said their vows and were ready to say, 'I do'._

_"__do you, Chrom, take Robin to be your lawfully wedded wife?"_

_"__I do!" said Chrom._

_"__And do you, Robin, take Chrom to be your lawfully wedded husband?" _

_"__I do!" echoed Robin._

_"__You may now kiss the bride!"_

_"__EW!" cried Chrom. "Why would I want to kiss her—"_

_"__CHROM! YOU PROMISED!" scolded Robin. "SHUT UP AND KISS ME!"_

_"__UH! Fine!" moaned Chrom as he pecked Robin on the lips._

_Robin sighed deeply and smiled for a photo with her new husband who did not understand that when people are married, they kiss and stuff._

Robin once again sighed repeating what happened in her memory. She still couldn't wrap her brain around how Chrom was so stupid as well as how physical intimacy repulsed him in such a way. At Least Chrom wasn't with the girls now.

At the park, Chrom was currently licking birch trees for some f***ed up reason.

"Chrom! What the hell are you doing?" asked Link concernedly.

"I'm checking to see if it tastes like peppermint like it does in my dreams!" explained the dumbass swordsman.

"Oh… well you have fun…?" stammered the Hylian as he left Chrom to his business.

Chrom then turned to his right and spat making a gross 'puh' sound.

"Don't taste like peppermint…" cringed Chrom. "Tastes like moss crap!"

Soon, Red and his Pokémon walked by and caught a glimpse of the strange man.

"GRAWW! (Hey guys! Look! It's a retard!)" giggled Charizard as he pointed at the swordsman in the tree.

"IVY! (Charizard! That's very rude!)" the grass Pokémon scolded. "Ivysaur! (We don't even know him so who are we to judge-)

"OOH! ESCARGOT!" squealed Chrom as he lifted up a snail and ate it, immediately spitting it out again. "EW! That is not very paragon!"

"ivy… (Well we shouldn't think less of him for it…)" added Ivysaur.

"Hey! Chrom!" called out Red. "Whatcha doing?"

"Oh hi Red!" replied Chrom. "I'm looking for mint bark!"

"Why?" asked the Pokémon trainer.

"I tasted it in a dream, and it was down-right average!" explained the stupid swordsman.

"Okay Charizard… you might be onto something…" whispered Red to the fire dragon.

"SQUIRT! (Can we get some ice-cream?)" asked Squirtle innocently.

"Maybe…" responded Red. "If you're good"

"Aww…"

"OOOH!" cried Chrom as he jumped down from the tree and joined up with the Pokémon group.

"IVY? (What?)" questioned the grass Pokémon.

"Have you seen my wife?" asked Chrom. "I tried to find her last night, but I got lost!"

"… wasn't she at the bar with almost everyone else?" asked Red.

"Yeah… I got lost looking for the bar…"

"Ivy? (Are you actually retarded?)" asked Ivysaur.

"No… I'm actually Asian-American!" said Chrom innocently.

"GRAW! (Wow… I think he is!)" Charizard said to Ivysaur. "Graw… growl (I was just being mean before, but now I actually feel bad)"

"I think the populars are out dress shopping or something…" muttered Red uncertainly.

"Who are the populars?" asked the dumbass swordsman.

Red and all three of his Pokémon sighed deeply, any interaction with this simpleton would do that.

"OH BRENDON!" cried Dark Pit as he ogled over a poster of Brendon Urie. "Whew! What a man!"

"Pittoo!" whined Lucas. "You've been staring at that poster for the past hour! What would Gerard Way say?"

Pittoo then let his eyeliner run down his face as he started crying and whispered "what does it matter… MCR isn't getting back together…"

"Hey Dark Pit!" said the blonde as he pointed to a strange looking lamp. "It absorbs light!"

"Cool! It makes things dark… like my soul!" mumbled Pittoo.

"Nah bitch!" added Lucas. "My soul is darker!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yah-huh!"

Marth was doing his very best to enjoy himself on this date, but his efforts seem to be in vein.

"so what kind of music do you like?" the blue-haired swordsman asked awkwardly.

"Please…" Cloud responded rudely. "If it doesn't have a Bb minor chord in the 4th octave, don't waste my time!"

"Um… okay?" said Marth as he started to fiddle with his thumbs.

"By the way, if we start dating, you have to come and watch my drag routine!" the blonde swordsman said sternly.

"You… You do drag?" questioned Marth nervously.

"Yes… and I'm just saying but I'd be hot as a woman!" said Cloud smugly.

"Okay, I think that's enough of this…" sighed Marth.

"What do you mean?" questioned the blonde swordsman. "Have I put you off?"

"A little yeah..." replied the blue-haired swordsman.

"Meh, your problem!" shrugged Cloud. "I'm fabulous, darling!"

"Sure, lets go with that…"

"Oof, that bill looks pretty big, so big I'm being kicked off the table and forced out the door… ta-ta slut!"

"Wait! Cloud! The cheque!" cried Marth in a panic. "400 Spirit points?!"

The waiter then walked over with one of those weird books that you put money into when you pay for a meal at a fancy place and a card machine.

"Will you be paying by cash or card tonight, sir?" asked the waiter.

"Oh for fuck sake!" sighed the blue-haired swordsman.

Pit and Shulk were taking a lovely stroll down the high street where they caught a glimpse of a familiar figure who they hadn't seen in a while. It was Mega Man and he was trying to buy a new hard-drive, but radio shack had gone out of business.

"JUST LET ME IN!" cried Mega Man. "I ONLY NEED 100GB OF RAM! I'LL BE FIVE MINUTES TOPS!"

"Hey Mega Man!" said Pit. "What's going on?"

"Oh! Hi Pit! Hey Shulk!" returned the super fighting robot. "I need a new hard-drive, mine's almost full!"

"Why are you looking to buy one at radio shack?" questioned Shulk. "Surely there is a better shop you could visit?"

"Well you'd think so, but I was built in the 80s so the only place I can replace my hard-drive from is radio shack… seems like an intentional design flaw if you ask me…"

"I bet we can find you a hard-drive if we looked hard enough…" said Pit.

"What about looking in the junk yard?" proposed Shulk. "I'm sure we can find a hard-drive there if we looked hard enough."

"No way!" responded Mega Man. "Dr Light made me a classy robot, I do not have a single scrap of trash in my circuitry so it's not happening!"

"Do you want a hard-drive or not?" questioned the dirty blonde slyly.

"Hey! I think I have an old apple computer from the 80s!" cried Pit. "we may have to hunt for it but yeah!"

"Okay, lets do that!" said Mega Man.

With that in mind, Pit, Shulk and Mega Man left the high street and headed towards house seven to hunt for Pit's computer. Its probably in the attic somewhere because who would want to keep an old computer from the 80s in their bedroom?

Pikachu was alone in his house because Jigglypuff, Greninja, Pichu and Incineroar had left to go to the arcade to play some classic Pokémon games.

The electric mouse Pokémon was chilling on the couch when the little black telephone that seemed to be unusable started ringing.

"What?" said Pikachu as he picked up the phone.

"Is everything in place yet?" asked a familiar sounding voice from the other side.

"Mmhmm.." responded the yellow Pokémon in a way that sounded a little frustrated. Pikachu then put the phone to his body to prevent it from picking up any sounds and then said 'mother fucker' which was directed at the person on the other end of the phone.

"good… remember to report back to you know who when you're ready!" said the voice as it hung up the phone.

"UGH!" moaned Pikachu. "Why did I even join this stupid legion of villains?!"

Palutena, Robin, Corrin, Peach, Daisy, Lucina and Zelda were now walking down the high street wearing some fancy-ass dresses. Palutena was wearing a silk blue dress with a black belt, the dress draped down to her knees and the colour of the dress clashed with her hair horrifically. Robin was wearing a black dress that covered up everything. Zelda was wearing a light purple dress that hugged her hips and resembled the colour of her dress from smash 4. Lucina was wearing baby pink frilly dress that looked like her pink alt. Peach was wearing a white dress and had an eccentric white hat that had flowers and feathers cascading from it in all. Corrin was wearing a blouse and pencil skirt as she had to pop off to work very soon and had to look the part. And finally, Daisy was wearing a grey dress that draped to her feet and some large golden hoops that hung on her ears.

***SNAP, SNAP, SNAP***

Daisy was repeatedly taking selfies of her new look and posting them all to Instagram.

"Oh my!" cried the brunette princess. "I look sooo good!"

"Wow…" added Palutena. "I'm pretty sure that vanity is a sin!"

"Didn't we get dressed up to be noticed?" asked Lucina.

"Well I don't know about you ladies…" began Peach. "But, I got dressed up to make Mario jealous… if we see him… even though he has barely been seen this tournament…"

"Speak for yourselves…" said Robin. "I'm dressed for myself…"

Palutena gasped. "But vanity is a sin!"

"Oh hush!" responded the white-haired swordswoman.

"HERE IT IS!" cried Pit as he pulled out a box with the "apple 2 plus" logo on it. The angel then opened the box and revealed that it was in fact, empty. "Aww man! Where the hell is it?!"

"Um… Pit?!" called out Mega Man as Pit extended his hand and silenced the robot.

"Hush Mega Man… I can find it on my own!" added Pit.

"Oi Pit!" cried Shulk. "It's plugged in on your desk you Muppet!"

"Oh… doi!" giggled the angel as the other two facepalmed.

Mega Man then pulled out a screwdriver from his utility belt that is on his wrist because it can be and started removing the bolts that held the back of the computer together and then pulled the plastic case off revealing its 'computer guts' featuring the hard-drive that the trio desperately craved.

"Oh good…" said Mega Man in relief. "Now I have a hard-drive… again!"

"Its 100GB of ram… how long will that last?" asked Shulk.

"Hmmm… about a month…" responded the robot. "Yeah… its not really a quality fix but no-one has found the Dr Light spirit yet sooo I can't get an upgrade just yet…"

"Well I'm sure it will turn up eventually." Said Pit.

Link had just started a new job as an assistant for the CEO at some company that was owned by Samus.

"Alright Jonathon!" yelled Samus as she strutted down the corridor of the floor towards her office in which Link was sitting at the desk in front of it. "It's 4PM, you know what that means—"

The business woman then locked eyes with the Hylian sitting at the desk which her other assistant usually sits at.

"Who the f**k are you?" she said.

"I'm Link!" told the nervous Hylian. "I'm replacing your assistant!"

"What happened to Jonathon?"

"I think he committed…"

"You mean suicide?" questioned the bounty hunter.

"No, he got married!"

"well did he at least tell you what you have to do at 4PM?"

"No…" responded Link.

"Everyday at 4PM, you have to pick up a machine gun, put on some armoured clothes and meet me in the park—"

"Why?"

"Because we're going Ridley hunting and if you value – **your life** – your job, you will not refuse!"

"…"

"Machine guns and armour are in the grey cabinet in the break room!" said the business woman as she pointed to the break room which was on the left of Link's desk. The break room was covered in signs that said 'you can have a break when you are dead, but right now, you're alive bitch! Suck it up!'.

Link followed his bosses' instructions and picked up a machine gun and some armoured clothing.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day, the smash suburbs was as quiet as ever… until a helicopter crashed smack-bang in the middle of the street. The residents of house 7 and house 5 converged on the scene.

"What the hell happened here?" cried Dark Pit as he eyed the crash site up and down.

"Looks like someone crashed!" exclaimed Peach.

"Well no s**t Sherlock!" added Pittoo.

Peach then took out a frying pan and then lobbed it at the dark angel.

"Should we check it to see if the passengers are alright?" asked Bayonetta.

"What if they're hostile?!" yelled Lucina as she took a battle stance and pointed her sword at the wreckage.

The door of the helicopter began to shudder and shake, it then flew off and from the opening entered a potted plant with razor sharp thangs and a tall male with a 'phantom of the opera' style mask and a black cape with a split down the middle. His hair was short and black and was a little scruffy and has a pointy collar from his shirt.

"UGH!" the plant cried in frustration. "What the hell was that landing you stupid moron!"

"excuse me, are you dumb?" the male responded. "Stupid and moron mean the same thing you dolt!"

"Um…" said Peach as both the unknown male and the plant put out one of their hands to silence the princess.

"Silence!" yelled the male. "Can you not see that we are arguing?!"

"Yeah! Stay out of –" added the Plant as he then saw that he recognised the princess he was talking to. "Aren't you Princess Peach?!"

"The one and only!" giggled Peach.

The potted plant gasped excitedly as he turned to his cohort and said, "Omigosh! Joker! Who'd have thought we'd meet a celebrity today!"

"Oh come now…" hushed Peach. "I'm hardly a celebrity, just a member of the royal family that rules you all, no biggie."

"Well you certainly aren't my princess!" added the male who was named Joker.

"Bayo!" whined Lucas. "Can we get some lunch?"

"Hold on, Lucas!" silenced Bayonetta. "We should see if these travellers need any help first."

"Who are you?" asked Pit.

"I am Piranha Plant, and this is Joker!" the plant said as he turned to his cohort.

"We're looking for the Smash Bros. Ultimate tournament—" said Joker.

"Well the good news is that you are in the smash tournament right now, this is the smash suburbs!" explained Lucina.

"Come with me and my adopted child!" commanded Bayonetta. "We'll show you around and we can get a bite to eat!"

"I'll pass thank you…" said Piranha plant. "I'd rather just stay here and dine on some Peach—"

"Don't you mean peach-es?" questioned Palutena.

"Do I?" repeated the plant slyly.

Lucina then leaned over to Daisy who was absorbed in her phone and said, "Ya know, that Joker and Bayonetta look awfully similar… do you think they're related?"

"Hmmm… Maybe they're distant cousins?" added the brunette princess.

Villager was tending to some pigs in the shop and was hanging over a fence with a sack of pig feed. She was taking out generous handfuls and was sprinkling them out across the ground.

"Here you go, Jemimah, Alice, Pork!" Villager sang as she sprinkled out the food. "Don't eat it all at once or you'll get the hiccups!"

One of the pigs ran into the fence making it wobble and caused Villager to lose her balance. Right as she was about to fall into the sloshy mud, Toon Link grabbed her by the arm and stopped her from plummeting into the dirt.

"You okay?" Toon Link asked as he pulled her back over the fence.

"Yeah, thanks to you!" blushed Villager.

"It was nothing…" giggled the cartoon Hylian.

THAT'S RIGHT! I LEFT THAT LAST SCENE ON A CLIFF HANGER AND I BET YOU HATE ME FOR IT!

Anyways, Bayonetta, Lucas and Joker were walking through the high street, the two former were getting acquainted with the latter.

"So are you hideously disfigured underneath that mask or what?" asked Lucas bluntly.

"Lucas!" scolded Bayonetta. "You can't ask things like that!"

"No, it's fine!" reassured Joker. "The mask is just for fun, my face is fine… and rather handsome if I do say so myself!"

"Oh right!" said the blonde. "Then why do you wear it?"

"Darling, it's called a fashion choice… I picked this mask up for less than ten bucks at Hot Topic—"

Lucas then hugged Joker so tightly that he yelped a little.

"Lucas! What are you doing?" cried Bayonetta embarrassedly.

"Hugging him because he shops at Hot Topic… what else?"

"Frankly, I'd prefer it if you stopped hugging me!" added Joker.

Lucas appeared to ignore Joker's last remark and kept on hugging him.

"… GET OFF ME!" cried Joker as he forced Lucas off of him.

"I'm sorry about him…" Bayonetta said to the masked man (see what I did there?).

"it's fine, like I always say, if you need to learn how to talk to a gentleman, ask your dad!"

Bayonetta stared at Joker dumbfoundedly for a couple of seconds before processing what Joker had said, and a sudden thought entered her head… a thought that you probably know where I'm going with this, but I am going to make you wait until later because I'm mean like that.

Ike was wearing Roy's dressing gown and was standing in the kitchen of house 10 making some pancakes for himself and his boyfriend.

Rosalina was slowly walking down the stares until she saw Ike wearing a garment that was not his and soon dashed into the kitchen in a matter of minutes.

"OMG!" she cried as she ogled at Ike. "YOU'RE WEARING ROY'S ROBE! YOU TWO ARE A SHIIIIIIIIP!" the space woman sang.

"Actually I woke up naked in his room again with none of my clothes, so I had to borrow this…" Ike responded anticlimactically.

"Oh… well you two are still a ship." Rosalina said strong headedly. "Now I must go and buy more Lucky Charms. For some reason, when I put them in the magic floor chest of food, they disappear…"

"What magic floor chest?"

Rosalina then pointed to a silver cylinder with a flat top and a lid… yep, it's a bin!

"Rosalina, that's a bin!" Ike sighed. "When you put things in there, they get thrown away!"

"Oh… then I'm going to have to find a new place to store my Lucky Charms."

"How about the cup—"

"THE MAGIC SILVER BOX UNDER THE SINK IT IS!"

As Rosalina left the house, Ike opened the cupboard underneath the sink to see what box she was on about, it turns out the box was a trash compactor.

Shulk had ordered a new dressing unit from Amazon, but he was having trouble reading the instructions because they were all in Japanese. Fairly soon after, Pit walked past.

"Hey! HEY PIT!" Shulk called out as the angel walked past the doorway. "Can you help me please?"

"What's up?" asked Pit as he pulled out a little red lollipop from his mouth.

"Do you know how to read Japanese?"

"Well seeing as I don't know how to read, I'm gonna say no…"

"UGH! This is hopeless!" Shulk whined. "Does anyone in this goddamn house know how to read Japanese?!" The dirty Blonde yelled letting his fellow housemates know of his struggle.

"Maybe I do… maybe I don't… maybe a couple hundred spirit points will jog my memory…" said Dark Pit cryptically as he popped up in the doorway.

Shulk then threw a bag of spirit points at the dark angel.

"Oh wow! I wasn't even serious—"

"Can you help me or not?!" Shulk snapped.

"Yeah I can!" Dark Pit reassured the dirty blonde. "Unlike this loser who's only ability is to destroy the fourth wall which isn't even a major part of this fan fic because no-one cares!"

"Hey!" cried Pit. "The readers don't wanna—"

"Pit!" silenced Shulk. "No. One. Cares."

Pit looked down at his brown sandals in a sulky manor while Dark Pit assisted Shulk in reading the instructions. The angel grew a little envious of his twin's ability to assist Shulk as if he was a 'damsel in distress' and started to glare at the former of the duo. Although Pit didn't realise it, Dark Pit had picked up on the sinister energy that his twin was exerting.

Ness, Kirby, Captain Falcon and Link were partaking in a heated game of Wii Bowling in which Falcon was currently winning.

"Oooh!" Falcon cheered. "Another strike!"

"Yeah, we get it!" scowled Ness. "You're good at this game!"

"At least you finally found a use for your humongous biceps…" Link cryptically added. "other than flexing in the mirror!"

"Well I'm clearly at a disadvantage!" Kirby pouted.

"Oh yeah?" Ness mocked slightly. "how so?"

"I DON'T HAVE ARMS YOU TWINK!" the puff ball blurted.

"Yeah but you got them nubs!" Falcon said as he pointed to the nub in which Kirby was holding his Wii remote.

Kirby then took his Wii remote and lobbed it at Captain Falcon making a 'thok' sound as it impacted the simpleton's skull. As the remote bounced off of Falcon's head, Kirby caught it once again using his little nub. Around the same time, Villager walked in carrying a stack of roughly ten pizzas.

"I present to you…" She exclaimed as she placed the stack of pizzas on the table. "Tonight's dinner as paid for by my first paycheck!"

"You've been at work for an hour!" said Link confusedly. "How did you get paid already?"

"Because I used a time machine and went into the future to get paid, duh!" Villager said innocently. "Hey, wanna know who's the next DLC fighter—"

"ALRIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT!" Yelled Master Hand as he appeared from nowhere.

"What's the problem?"

"Errm, I don't know, maybe the fact that you were about to share classified information with commoners!"

"How did you hear what I was saying?!" protested Villager.

"I own this place, I have ears everywhere!"

"That's an invasion on our privacy!" Villager huffed.

"Wait? Everywhere?" asked Link concernedly.

"Yup, and I know you ate Ness's birthday cake straight out of the fridge!"

"HEY! You said Kirby ate it!" Ness whined.

"You said WHAT?!" Kirby exclaimed.

"Err—"

Kirby pulled out his sword and started chasing Link around the house with it smashing several expensive vases, a couple of picture frames and a light bulb in the process.

"Well I have successfully stirred shit, byeeee!" said Master Hand as he snapped his fingers and disappeared. Hehehe… if you saw Endgame, I bet that gave you some PTSD.

Bayonetta had temporally separated herself from Joker to get herself a cup of coffee with like 5 expresso shots in it.

"So what does a woman need 5 expresso shots for?" the Mii Fighter barista asked the umber witch.

"I… err… think I found my long-lost son…" Bayonetta mumbled as she looked out the window to see Joker standing there with one hand on his hip and the other holding his iPhone.

"Well that's fun?" the barista said as she put the lid on the coffee. "If you wanna know for certain, you should go to Doctor Mario's surgery!"

"Oh yeah?" Bayonetta questioned seeming rather interested.

"Yeah, they do DNA testing, genetic screening, homeopathic medicine and Doctor Mario is a semi-licenced psychiatrist if Joker needs therapy, you know, depending on the results and all that!"

"Seems we're going to have to pay a visit later today…" Bayonetta remarked, once again looking at Joker from outside the café.

Lucas had strayed from the group and was currently making some omelettes for his lunch, to his left was a giant stack of egg cartons and to his right was the hot frying pan, in between the two was the large jug that the blonde was using to mix the omelette batter.

"Just 4 more eggs, a pinch of salt, pepper and herbs and we're done!" Lucas said out loud to himself.

The blonde then picked up on the presence of another PSI user from just outside the house. Sure enough, as Lucas looked to the kitchen window, he saw Ness standing there looking very stalker-like.

"Oh for crying out loud!" exclaimed Lucas in frustration as he stomped over to the window, opened it and sent a death stare at the raven-haired boy. "WHY ARE YOU SPYING ON ME!?"

"Oh Lucas… I didn't realise you were home… hehehe…" Ness mumbled nervously.

"Seriously? You couldn't handle my rejection, so you thought you'd stalk me?" the blonde scolded.

"No, No!" Ness protested. "I just… err…"

"This is really creepy!" Lucas added. "Not to mention that this is the complete opposite of 'moving on' and that you clearly need a licenced therapist to help you resolve your emotional trauma!"

"It's not like that!" the purple eyed boy said. "I just missed you…"

"Ness, I am happy to hang out with you AS FRIENDS, but if I know that you couldn't see us as anything but, I don't think it will work!"

"This isn't right!" Ness added. "We are supposed to be together!"

"No, no we are not!" Lucas said coldly.

The blonde turned around to get back to making his omelette and as he picked up another egg, Ness started speaking again.

"It wouldn't take much for you to at least let me down with a little compassion!" Ness said in a mocking and hurt tone.

Lucas did the only thing he could given what he had and threw the egg at Ness' face causing the yolks and the whites to splatter all over his face.

"EGG!" Lucas yelled as Ness's face was dripping with raw egg.

"Why would you do that!?" Ness whined. "I hate egg!"

Ness then ran off to go and clean himself up, but his last remark had Lucas thinking…

Piranha Plant had just gone to see his new house, however, it was still under construction and would need about another week or so to finish it off.

"Ugh!" Piranha plant sighed. "Where am I supposed to stay now?"

"Why don't you stay with us?" asked Peach who was with Palutena and Daisy. "We have plenty of space and lots of food, you know, cause I'm rich and stuff!"

"Although I would avoid Daisy's room if I was you—" Said Palutena as Daisy used her high-heel to stab the green-haired-goddess's toes.

"You really wouldn't mind?" Piranha plant asked.

"No, not at all… it's not like you have tried to kill Mario and Luigi several times…" Daisy mumbled.

"Not kill!" clarified the plant. "Eat!"

"Bayonetta?" questioned Joker as he looked around the waiting room of Dr Mario's surgery. "What are we doing here? I thought we were going for lunch?"

"Oh… we are just here to make sure you're not carrying any 'out of town' diseases!" the umber witch nervously replied.

"well that's fine but we could have gotten lunch first!" Joker pouted.

Dr Mario then entered the room and called out Joker's name so he and Bayonetta followed Dr Mario into the ward.

"It's-a simple test, all-a you need to do is-a spit into a test-a tube!" Dr Mario assured Joker. "And after about five-a working days, we will be able to tell you whether—"

Dr Mario looked up to see Bayonetta holding a sign which said…

_TELL HIM ITS FOR DISEASES!_

"Y-you have-a any diseases…" the Doctor said, finishing his sentence.

"Alright…" said Joker as he then reluctantly spat into the test tube.

Dr Mario eagerly put the lid on the tube and put it in a weird looking machine. Bayonetta had conveniently spat into her test tube already and placed it in the same machine.

"You should-a get your results on-a Friday, I will call house-a seven!" Dr Mario explained.

"Okay, thank you…" Joker reluctantly said. "Bayonetta, can we please get some food now?!"

"Yes, of course!" Bayonetta answered as she and Joker exited the surgery.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Pikachu was cold chilling with the other Pokémon, and Red, in house 4 even though that is not where he lives. Pikachu was currently sucking on a bottle of ketchup and squeezing it every so often to let some of the sauce out.

"Graw! (Pikachu? Why are you drinking ketchup?)" Charizard asked curiously.

"because it's delicious… and if you ever take that tone with me again, I'll – **PULL OUT YOUR TONGUE AND CUT IT OFF USING A BREAD KNIFE. I WILL THEN FORCE-FEED IT TO YOU AND THEN I WILL EXTINGUISH 90% OF YOUR FLAME PUTTING YOU IN A COMA **– take away your Gameboy!" Pikachu ominously replied causing the terrifying dragon to gulp in fear of the mouse.

"Ivy! (Can you stop making Charizard relieve himself all over the floor, Red keeps using my leaves as a mop)" Ivysaur protested.

"Only because you won't go halfsies on a mop with me!" Red argued.

"IVY! (Yeah, because I have an outstanding debt of 3 million spirit points to Isabelle and the mop you want costs 10,000 spirit points!)" the grass Pokémon responded.

"It's a good brand, okay?!" Red pouted.

"Can you all stop bickering like a bunch of school children?" Mewtwo pleaded. "It's effecting my vibes and I'm trying to meditate!"

"What do you have to meditate on?!" Pikachu asked slyly.

"Duh! I'm a psychic Pokémon!" Mewtwo said condescendingly. "If I don't keep meditating, I'll lose my powers and that is not happening!"

"Please!" Lucario added. "I utilize aura in my powers, if I don't meditate, I won't be able to read people's auras which would affect my ability to battle!"

"Excuse me?" the psychic Pokémon said in a way which suggested he was offended. "Can you levitate things with your mind?"

"Oh you want to have a 'who's stronger contest', do you?" Lucario said as he jumped onto his feet. "I'll take you on any time, any place!"

"Then how about right here, right now, OLD MAN!" Mewtwo mocked.

Just as Lucario raised his fist to strike Mewtwo, Charizard stood between the both of them and absorbed the punch with his fabulous belly fat.

"GRAWW! (NO-ONE IS GETTING BLOOD ON THE CARPETS I PAID FOR, NOW THEN!)" the fire dragon scolded. "Graw! (Let's just sit down like the calm adults we are, enjoy some tea and watch the top ten epic fails!)"

"UGH!" groaned Mewtwo. "FINE"

"growl… (good…)" Charizard repeated.

Pikachu waddled up to the trio on the couch and started speaking without permission.

"You know…" the mouse began. "We have cable at my place, they show programs which are much longer than YouTube clips!"

"Piss off you little rodent!" Lucario scowled.

"WHO THE F**K ARE YOU CALLING RODENT?!" yelled Pikachu as little sparks of electricity started building in his red cheeks and at the bottom of his tail.

Charizard growled loudly and shot a flamethrower into the area and silenced the house, scorching the ceiling as he did so.

"GRRAAWWWWWW! (WHAT DID I JUST F***ING SAY?!)" he growled once again.

For the rest of the day, it would be nothing but bedlam in House 4 which is why the plot is moving on because writing scenes like that all day is tiering as hell!

Bayonetta had just returned home with Joker after the DNA – err – I mean diseases test when she slipped on something on the floor.

"What the hell is all this?" she mumbled as she sat upright to see the entire floor of the house covered in raw eggs.

And who did she see cracking them over the clean part of the floor in the corner? Lucas obviously.

"Lucas? Why are you covering the floor in eggs?!" the umber witch said in a slightly scolding tone.

"Because eggs are Ness's one weakness!" Lucas said as he turned to Bayonetta revealing that he had giant black bags under his eyes and a demonic smile making it apparent that he had driven himself crazy with eggs.

"I can't help but feel like I am missing some context…" Joker blurted seeming a little bit out of the loop.

"I'll fill you in later!" Bayonetta replied. "Lucas! IF YOU DON'T CLEAN THIS UP IN THE NEXT 10 MINUTES, YOU'RE GOING TO STAY WITH YOU GRANDFATHER—"

"Pffft…" Lucas scoffed. "You don't even know my grandfather!"

"Well he's got me there…" she mumbled as she thought about her next comeback. "I know! IF YOU DO NOT CLEAN THIS UP, I'M FORCING YOU TO GO ON A PLAY-DATE WITH NESS FOR THE WHOLE DAY!"

Lucas's face dropped as he stopped cracking eggs and grabbed a mop. The look of sheer panic in his face was enough to know that Bayonetta had struck a nerve.

"That child of yours seems to be quite troubled… why did you adopt him if you don't mind me asking?" Joker questioned.

"Oh… because I said something about his Mum, and I did not know she was dead. Really, it was because I felt bad." The umber witch replied solemnly.

"Alright?" Joker said trying to accept Bayonetta's reasoning, however strange it may be.

It had taken a majority of the day but, Shulk and Dark Pit had finally finished constructing the flat-packed dresser.

"I think we have earned a cup of tea!" the brit said as he wiped the sweat from his brow.

"heh…" Dark Pit scoffed. "Speak for yourself, I'd rather take a trip to Hot Topic!"

"Again with the Hot Topic, eh?" Shulk asked again.

"Of course." Pittoo said smugly.

The two stood up and proudly admired their creation before breathing a deep sigh of relief that they had finally finished.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Dark Pit asked the blonde.

"Sure! What is it?" he replied.

"Do you… maybe… _like Pit_?" the dark angel said, ripping off the apparent plaster.

"…" Shulk paused with a gulp of the throat. "HE-HE-HE… what do you mean by 'like'?"

"You know… like!" Pittoo repeated.

"um… I mean… yes I do like him, he's a good friend!" Shulk nervously answered.

"Do you like him more than a friend?" the angel persisted.

"Why are you asking me this?" the Monardo wielder questioned.

"I'm nosy, anyways, what is your answer!" Dark pit added. "It's been pretty damn clear that you two have chemistry!"

"I feel like this is really rushed… we haven't known each other _that _long!" Shulk protested. "We barely spoke to one another in the last tournament!"

"Yeah… well I kept getting mistaken for him and I still do! But that's getting off topic!" Pittoo said. "Now answer the question!"

"well… if he asked me out or something… I wouldn't say no—"

"DID SOMEONE SAY YAOI?!" cried Link and Captain Falcon as they appeared at the window of Shulk's room.

"F**k off!" yelled Dark Pit as he pulled the blinds down on the window leaving nothing but the silhouettes of the duo on the other side. "So you _do_ like him?"

"… I guess so…" Shulk replied.

"Now was that so hard to say?" Pittoo jokingly remarked to make the brit feel a little more comfortable.

"It was very hard to say, also, don't tell him I said anything! Please!"

"I won't, it will be our little secret. I was just curious!" Dark Pit reassured.

The duo began talking about something else entirely, little did they know that Pit was standing outside the bedroom with his back to the wall and heard everything. His little heart in his chest was pounding like a jack hammer, it would be wise of him to avoid Palutena for the time being so that she does not read his heart or joke about reading his heart… honestly, she's so mean to him sometimes!

Pit cautiously made his getaway from the scene and descended from the stairs rather quickly and as his foot reached the floor, he stepped in something wet and sticky and slipped right over with his back now covered in raw egg.

"Ugh!" he groaned as he looked at the mess around him. "What the hell?"

The angel started hearing the sounds of footsteps on the stairs, of course it was none other than Shulk because this is totally a damsel in distress moment, so you know.

"Pit!" Shulk cried. "Are you alright?"

"Not really!" the angel replied. "What is this goop?"

"It appears to be raw egg!" Shulk said as he extended an arm which Pit grabbed onto and lifted him up.

"Well this is disgusting!" Pit said looking at his dirtied clothes.

The two looked over to the corner to see Lucas holding a mop and was cleaning up the floor with Bayonetta standing there with her arms folded and Joker standing and seeming a little bit dazed.

"What's going on?" the duo asked as Dark Pit joined them.

"Lucas decided to coat the entire floor in eggs to repel Ness! That's what's going on!" Bayonetta said seeming rather annoyed by the situation and understandably so.

"it seemed like a good idea at the time!" Lucas whined.

"Is it seeming like a good idea now?!" the umber witch condescendingly asked.

Pit, Shulk and Dark Pit gazed questioningly at the weird trio before the smell of egg was getting on Pittoo's nerves.

"Okay ass-crack!" Dark Pit said whilst poking his twin. "You need to go and have a shower and wash those filthy clothes!"

"Yeah, okay!" said Pit as he agreed with his twin for like, the first time ever.

Pit then dashed off upstairs to go and have a shower and put his clothes in the wash when it occurred to him that he does not know how to work a washing machine. The angel called out for help so Shulk took it upon himself to fulfil that duty.

Although, I should mention that Pit had already stripped and was standing in his underwear.

Shulk entered the washroom and paused for a second as his eyes met with Pit's uncovered body.

"Err Pit!" Shulk cried seeming a little embarrassed.

"Yeah?"

It then dawned on Shulk that he does the same thing every morning and so it was unfair to call Pit out on it, however, given what he and Dark Pit had discussed prior to this, Shulk was getting a little agitated.

"It's nothing, what's up?" Shulk reassured.

"I don't know how to turn this on!" Pit whined.

"You just press this button here and 'hey presto'! It's on!" the blonde said as he pressed the button and made the washing machine whir to life.

"Oh thank you!" Pit said as he stepped out of the washroom and into the bathroom to have a shower.

Shulk took a second to take a deep breath and to slow his pounding heart. He stared at the bathroom door for a while and then smiled thinking of his fond memories with Pit. There was no doubt about it, the two were smitten with each other.

Ike, Roy and Marth were sitting in the living room of their house watching TV. Roy and Ike were cuddling as always, and Marth was scowling at the duo with jealousy.

"Seriously?" Marth cried. "Must you two publicly display your affection, it's so gross!"

"Well… would you rather we copy you and sit at a perfect right-angle with our hands on our knees whilst 2-feet apart from one another?" Ike asked slyly.

"I think you should give it another try with Cloud, you never know!" Roy added seeming as though he doesn't quite grasp the topic of conversation.

"Frankly, I'd rather hang myself using my own intestines than ever go on another date with that floosy again!" the radiant hero added. "Honestly, making me pick up the cheque, who the hell does he think he is?!"

"errm…. You tried and that's all you can do!" Ike said trying to cheer up his friend.

Around the same time, Robin and Rosalina entered the house with a few shopping bags in their hands, it appears that Robin had a couple new dresses she bought with the other ladies and Rosalina had a stockpile of Lucky Charms.

"Hello boys!" Robin greeted.

"Hi!" Rosalina added.

The boys returned their pleasantries and went back to their TV show.

"Hey wait a minute?!" Robin cried. "Since when are you three so chummy? Marth, you've despised them since they got together, what makes today so different?!"

Marth turned around with tears in his eyes and said, "Because I'm gonna be alone forever and no-one loves me!"

"I take it the date did not go well then…" Rosalina asked concernedly.

"No…" the radiant hero replied. "Because of him, I'm now broke for the rest of the week and my heart is broken!"

"Okay, you're getting a little dramatic there—" Robin said.

"What's the point of anything?!" Marth cried as he began to sob. He then picked up a bag of popcorn and started pouring it into his mouth like a liquid.

"Marth, there are better ways to be depressed than empty calories!" Roy said.

"Yeah, like… when I was depressed, I worked out… a lot!" Ike added. "Now look at my huge arms!"

"I suppose you're right…" Marth said wiping the tears from his face.

"Why don't we go out and have a fun night?!" Robin asked the boys. "It can help take your mind off of things!"

"That sounds nice!" Marth added.

"Yeah, we could go to the arcade, the café, the roller rink, the beach, the bowling alley, we could go watch a show?" said Roy as he read a bunch of activities off the Smash. Ultimate guide to living in the smash suburbs which he had open on his iPhone.

"What about the beach, and then bowling, then lunch and a show?" Ike proposed.

"sounds good!" the others replied.

So Roy quickly changed into a red Hawaiian shirt with white shorts and some open sandals, Ike changed into a blue stripy shirt with black shorts, Robin changed into a tropical looking outfit consisting of a frilly crop-top and a long skirt with the corners tied up at the side. Rosalina wore a swimming costume that looked like it was from the 50s and put a dab of sunscreen on her Luma's face and Marth wore a white T-shirt with blue shorts and all five of them were wearing sunglasses of some variety.

Ike was carrying a picnic basket full of bits that they were going to need, and Marth was carrying a large bag full of deflated water rafts, rubber rings, arm bands and beach balls which came standard for those who lived in a house in the Smash Suburbs.

This would surely be a fun outing for the five of them.

Zelda was amongst the other populars and was scrolling through her Instagram feed when she noticed that Robin was out having fun without the others.

Zelda gasped deeply.

"What is it?!" Palutena asked concernedly.

"Robin is at the beach without us!"

"How dare she!" Peach exclaimed.

"We should pay her a lesson by crashing the party!" Lucina added raising her sword into the air.

"It's not a party, they're at the beach!" Zelda corrected.

"They're?" asked Peach. "Who is she with?"

"She's with Ike, Roy, Marth and Rosalina for some reason!" the Hylian princess added.

"Well they are her house mates…" Daisy said.

"Meh…" Zelda responded. "Let's go anyway!"

"Sounds good!" the other girls said excitedly as they grabbed their s**t and left for the beach, they must be light packers.

It had taken him a long time, but Lucas had finally finished mopping up all of the eggs on the floor. Although, there was still a little bit of the odour left over but that didn't really bother the residents too much.

"Okay, it's clean!" Lucas said frustratedly. "Can I go now?"

"Of course!" Bayonetta replied as she slurped her coffee. "Go upstairs and put some clean clothes on!"

"Alright…" he mumbled as he disappeared upstairs to do just that.

Around the same time, a strange looking envelope came through the door which was baffling because they have a mailbox.

"Oh!" Joker said as he approached the envelope. "This must be my results for the tests!"

Bayonetta panicked and practically threw herself at the envelope saying, "Joker, do you not know it's illegal to open someone else's mail in their own home?!"

"Well, Bayonetta, I believe the envelope is addressed to me, now move aside!" he commanded.

Bayonetta looked at the envelope and to her horror, Joker was right, the envelope was addressed to him meaning that Bayonetta had nothing to do with it other than reluctantly hand it over.

"Thank you!" he said as he tore the paper open to gaze at the results.

…

…

…

"100% maternity match?" Joker questioned. "… you're my mother?"

"That's what I was afraid of—"

"MOMMY!" cried the Persona character as he wrapped his arms around Bayonetta and hugged her tightly cracking a few ribs in the process.

"Urrm…" Bayonetta mumbled.

Lucas had finished changing his clothes when he heard a knock on his bedroom door, naturally, he assumed it was Bayonetta, so he opened the door.

As the door swung open, Lucas could see Ness standing there clutching a guitar in his hands.

"Oh for f**k sake!" Lucas cried. "What do you want?!"

"I just… wrote a song for you, I was wondering if I could sing it to you…" Ness said shyly.

Lucas sighed as he said, "I suppose so!"

Ness sat down on a little stool which Lucas uses at his desk and started playing a slow guitar song, if one did not know any better, one would assume that this song was a ballad, but it is not.

**_When you are happy with laughter to spare,  
Fun is twice as fun with someone to share.  
When you are lonely and full of despair,  
Things aren't half as bad when somebody cares._**

**_Maybe now you have figured it out,  
That's what bein' friends is about!_**

**_When you are looking for a shoulder you can cry on,  
Won't you think about me!  
When you're looking for someone you can rely on,  
Don't you ever doubt me!_**

**_I'll be there some way, somehow!  
That's what *sob* bein' friends *sob* is about!_**

Lucas paused as he looked at the raven-haired boy before him, it appears that Ness finally grasped the concept of friends, although, this made Lucas feel remorseful for all of the horrible things he had done to Ness since they broke up and how cold and bitter he had been towards him.

In a way that said, "I'm sorry" as well as "You are forgiven and stuff", Lucas picked up the guitar, sat back down on his bed and started playing and singing 'Treat You Better' by Shawn Mendes, except he had altered the lyrics slightly to make it about an apology rather than a relationship.

**_I know I can treat you better!  
Than I have been!  
Any guy like you deserves a…  
Best Friend._**

**_I'm sorry for making you cry,  
or seeming shy  
and being a little bitch!  
But, I know I can treat you better!  
Better than I have been!_**

For the first time since the fan fic begun, Ness and Lucas were finally on good terms again and so they did what friends do and ran downstairs to get water guns and then go and shoot each other out in the front garden, only when they reached the bottom of the stairs, they noticed that Joker was hugging Bayonetta which seemed a little bit odd.

"What's going on?" Lucas asked.

"Well it turns out that I am Bayonetta's biological son!" Joker explained.

"Huh…" Ness said. "I guess that means…"

"Ness NO!" cried Lucas.

"WE NEVER SAW IT COMIIIIIIIIIIIIIN'!"

"This is why I broke up with you!" the blonde said coldly.

At the beach, Robin was sitting on a lounge chair with a margarita in her hand while the others were enjoying some child-like activities. Rosalina was covering her Luma in sand and turning it into a variety of different sand sculptures such as mermaids, fishes and dragons for some reason. Roy, Ike and Marth were playing in the sea with a giant beach ball which Ike nearly passed out from blowing it up.

Soon enough, Zelda, Peach, Palutena, Lucina and Daisy crashed the party.

"Hello, Robin!" Peach said in an aggressive tone.

"oh shit! Hello ladies!" Robin returned. "What are you all doing here?"

"We saw that you went to have fun without us, so we came to ruin it!" added Daisy.

"For the record…" Palutena began. "If you want to keep things like this a secret, maybe don't post them to Instagram?"

"Come on ladies, I'm here to support Marth, his date didn't go too well" Robin protested.

"Oh well maybe we can be a little more forgiving?" Lucina proposed.

"Nonsense!" Peach said as she skipped merrily towards Marth. "Men like him don't get sad"

She then tapped Marth on the shoulder to get his attention and he turned around as people usually do when they are tapped on the shoulder.

"Marth? Why are you pretending to be depressed when you shouldn't be feeling feelings?!" the princess asked coldly.

Marth's eyes started to well up as he wept and wept. "Because I'm going to be alone forever!"

Peach's face dropped as she watched this particularly masculine individual cry like a baby.

"It is possible that I was wrong…" Peach said to the other girls.

"For god's sake, Peach!" Palutena scolded. "It's 2019, men are allowed feelings!"

"Not in my kingdom, they are not!" the princess returned.

"Wait a second…" Lucina postulated as she stared at Roy and Ike who were splashing each other in the sea. "Are Roy and Ike a thing?"

"Girl, where have you been?" Robin scoffed. "This happened like on the second day, they announced it at the bar and everything!"

"I thought I dreamt that, I was drunk!" the swordswoman responded.

"My, my… aren't they the cutest?!" Daisy squealed.

"Hush Daisy!" Peach silenced. "You're just as bad as the Fujoshies!"

"Nu-uh!" Daisy protested, throwing her arms at her side like a four-year-old, throwing a tantrum. "I only get like this about BTS!"

"Not another K-POP reference…" Palutena sighed. "I don't think I could listen to your verbal doujin AGAIN!"

"What's wrong with my doujin?"

"Everything!" Zelda added.

"Honey, you need help!" Lucina said with a little point of the finger. "You're doujin is a little… messed up!"

"Call it a mess… alas, love is messy…" Daisy said, looking to the horizon all poetically-like or something.

"This conversation got weird a little too quickly." Robin added.

Pit had gotten out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his slim waist. While he was in the shower, Pit must have been day-dreaming about hot springs because the words 'hot springs' were written in the condensation that had built up on the glass wall.

"What I wouldn't give to have some hot springs in this place…" Pit muttered to himself.

The angel exited the bathroom still wearing nothing but his towel and wandered along to the washroom to check on his clothes. The washing machine said that there would be at least another hour or so before they were done.

"Ugh!" Pit sighed. _"What am I supposed to wear now? I can't walk around in a towel all day!" _the angel thought to himself.

After some careful consideration, Pit decided to see if he could borrow some clothes off Dark Pit. Dark Pit was actually sensible when it came to packing and bought a spare change of clothes along with a dozen replicas of his usual attire, something which his counterpart had not considered.

Pit picked up one of the many replicas of Pittoo's outfit and took it back to his room to get changed. His twin had no idea of this, however, as he was currently in the back garden on a sun lounger, trying to catch a tan.

In this outfit, Pit looked almost identical to his twin with the exception of eye colour and what not, but this would only be for the next hour or so.

Around the same time, Shulk was working out in his room using a couple of weights. He was trying to work off the stress that came along with what was on his mind; what he had discussed with Pittoo earlier.

_"__Do I really have a crush on Pit?" _

This one sentence repeated through Shulk's mind like a game of ping pong until he had pumped his arms so much that he was now dripping with sweat.

"I… I need advice!" He said to himself as he stood up.

The dirty blonde made his way downstairs to find Dark Pit for some more advice when he noticed that he was seemingly sitting on the couch with an iPad in front of his face.

"Pittoo, I think it's worse than we originally thought!" Shulk said in a panic.

"Hmmm?" Pit said as he lowered the iPad and revealed his face.

Shulk's entire body froze as the colour drained from his face. The two locked eyes for a few seconds before Shulk gulped nervously.

"What's worse?" Pit questioned.

**"****PIT?!" **Shulk cried.

"Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah?" the angel replied.

"Where is Dark Pit?" the blonde said as he nervously scratched his head. "I need to talk to him about… something."

"Oh, he's in the garden…" said Pit as he pointed to the garden from the other side of a window.

"Thank you." Shulk said in gratitude.

"What is it about? You seem pretty shaken up!"

"oh… its nothing you should worry about, just one of the shelves is wonky, that's all."

Shulk walked off awkwardly leaving Pit sitting on the couch, seeming a little confused by it all. Of course he had a little bit of knowledge about it all from what he had overheard, but a part of him still wondered, 'what's _really_ going on inside his head?'.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The sun rose on the smash suburbs once more and all seemed to be right. The artificial bird noises were still chirping along, and Kirby's car was wrapped around a tree – wait what?

The pink puff was sitting in the driver's seat with the air bag cushioned on his face. Smoke was bellowing out of the engine and the entire front of the car was squished like gum on the bottom of someone's shoe.

The tree which the car was wrapped around was situated outside the Pokémon's house, so tensions were high enough without this mess.

"WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT MY BEAUTY SLEEP!?" Mewtwo exclaimed as he exited the house with two sliced cucumbers on his eyes and a mudpack on his face.

"Ugh…" groaned Kirby as he fell sideways out of the car door.

"Geez…" Mewtwo said as he took one of the cucumber slices off his face and took a bite. He then glided in closer to examine the wreckage. "What in Arceus' name happened here?"

"It's a long story…" began the puff ball. "I was driving along at a casual 240 MPH and a peculiar being fell out of the sky and onto the road. I tried to stop but someone cut my brakes!"

"Who on earth would cut your brakes?" the psychic Pokémon postulated. "I mean, you are like… so totally adorable, who'd want someone as cute as you to die?"

"If you call me cute one more time, I will hack your body up into itty-bitty pieces and feed it to my housemates!" Kirby threatened.

Mewtwo tried his best to hold in his laughter, but he could not, and it came flooding out in a loud 'pffft' sound.

"Stop laughing at me!"

"Being completely serious, does this mean we have a potential serial killer in our midst?" Mewtwo asked seeming a little too excited about the situation.

"Perhaps, but that depends on whether someone else almost dies in mysterious circumstances." Kirby replied.

"Yay!" the psychic Pokémon cheered.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" the pink puff asked in horror.

"I've always wanted a real-life murder mystery, since I was like 4 years old… this is a dream come true!"

"You should seek professional help…" said Kirby as he pulled his car wreckage off the tree and began hauling it in one direction. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and spend money I don't have on fixing my car, byeeee!"

As he said, the puff ball waddled away dragging the wreckage behind him. Mewtwo watched as Kirby disappeared into the distance with a thought on his mind; who cut the brakes?

Corrin was with Isabelle in the salon and was currently doing a client's hair… or should I say fur because the client was Incineroar.

Corrin was brushing through the thick fur while Isabelle blow-dried it using the hair dryer.

"All done!" Isabelle said as she held up a mirror to Incineroar's face so he could see.

"Meow! (very well done, ladies!)" the cat Pokémon replied.

"What is this for?" Corrin asked. "why bother getting dressed up?"

"Meow, meow (oh no reason, it's just nice sometimes to get the fur done every now and then, you know?)"

"I feel that!" Corrin replied.

"Alright, that'll be 86,980 spirit points please!" Isabelle said after typing it into the cash register.

"Meow! (here you go!)" said Incineroar as he pulled out a leopard print wallet and counted the spirit points, this amount did not even make a dent in his bank balance.

The cat Pokémon exited out of the main door leaving Corrin and Isabelle a little dumbfounded.

"How is he so rich?" Corrin questioned.

"He really is loaded… do you think that's Daddy's money?" Isabelle said as she pulled a pillow to her chest in a gossipy way.

"Not likely, he is a Pokémon after all… do you think he got it legitimately?"

"Bitch, we literally get rewarded with money for killing each other, that is literally how this world works and that cat is a wrestler so he's a pro!"

"Fair point…" Corrin said as she sat down on a stool and picked up a newspaper. "Oh my, did you hear that Kirby crashed his car this morning?" she read out as she skimmed the front page.

"No… No I did not…" Isabelle replied with a guilty look in her eye.

"Apparently his brakes had been cut and his car got wrapped around a tree…"

Corrin was too busy reading to notice that Isabelle had snuck off to her office. She closed the door quietly and began to panic.

_"__Oh shit! That was Kirby?" _The canine thought to herself. _"I thought it was Jigglypuff that was driving the car!"_

Isabelle pulled out a giant pair of heavy-duty bolt cutters which he had used to cut the brakes and wrapped them up in a cloth to try and hide the evidence. She was now beginning to panic as she ran around picking up and hiding bits of evidence.

"Isabelle!" called out Corrin from the other side of the office door. "What's going on in there? I heard a lot of noise!"

"Oh! Nothing!" Isabelle replied. "just sorting through some rubbish!"

"Would you like any help?"

"No… no thank you!"

"Alright then…" Corrin's footsteps grew fainter and fainter until they were gone letting Isabelle breathe a sigh of relief.

"Whew! That was a close one!"

Isabelle put the wrapped bolt cutters in her bag and inconspicuously snuck out of the window and towards the park to bury the evidence.

Over at the park, Wii Fit Trainer was doing yoga in a random spot while Ryu and Ken were sparring which is when Isabelle turned up and noticed that there were far too many people around to hide a piece of evidence, so she'd have to cause a distraction…

Ike was out shopping on the high street buying gifts for Roy to celebrate their one-week anniversary or something when he bumped into a familiar face.

"Rosalina?" Ike called out.

"Oh hello Ike, what are you doing here?"

"Buying stuff for Roy, what about you?"

"Collecting souls to feed to my Luma and shopping around for some juicy yaoi…" Rosalina told innocently.

"Everything in that sentence is disturbing!" Ike said squinting his eyes a little.

"Say…" Began Rosalina cryptically.

"Hmmm?"

"You wouldn't have happened to go in my room a few days ago, would you?"

"err – no, why?" Ike answered as a bead of sweat rolled off his face.

"No reason, just 'cause I hadn't finished decorating, that's all!"

"Errm… alright?" The radiant hero responded confusedly.

Something shiny caught the eye of Rosalina so she glided towards it. It was a book with two men on the front who looked like they were about to kiss.

"Yaoi…." Rosalina whispered as she marvelled at the book.

"and that's my cue to leave!" said Ike as he took his shopping bags and dashed away as fast as he could leaving the weird woman to her weird pastime.

As Ike made his way around the corner of the building, he noticed something in the window; a pair of red leather, high-heeled knee-high boots.

"They are fabulous!" Ike squealed. "I must get them for Roy!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you!" said an unknown figure.

"Woah! Who are you? Are you my conscience?" Ike questioned.

"What? No!" the figure responded.

The figure was a tall blue hedgehog who looked a lot better in the smash games than he did in the FREAKING MOVIE!

"I am Sonic, Sonic the hedgehog!" Sonic explained.

"Well why shouldn't I get the boots for my boyfriend?" Ike asked, pouting his lips a little.

"I don't know Roy _that _well, but in smash 4, Corrin got him a very similar pair of boots and he wasn't too pleased!"

"But Roy loves the colour red… Anyway, who are you to judge?!" The radiant hero responded seeming a little offended. "In your games, the only person you ever get with is a f***ing human, that is reverse bestiality and you're telling me what to buy for my boyfriend. Besides, the only one of your species that remotely seems interested in you is that Amy chick!"

"SHE IS JUST A FRIEND, WILL PEOPLE STOP SHIPPING ME WITH HER?!"

"Oof, looks like I struck a nerve, good day!" Ike said as he strutted off, leaving the boots and Sonic in a confused state.

"Geez… I was only trying to help…" Sonic said to himself as he looked to the ground.

Pit, Shulk, Dark Pit and Lucas had gone out for the day to leave Bayonetta and Joker with the time they needed to talk things out. Although they had unanimously decided to go out, no-one had any idea as to what activity they wished to partake in.

"So what do ya wanna do?" asked Dark Pit obnoxiously.

"Well we could go get a bite to eat?" proposed Shulk.

"I could eat!" added Pit.

"Me too!" Lucas said, chiming in.

"Alright… but where?" the dark angel asked.

"How about Game and Watch's restaurant?" Pit asked.

"Sure!" the Monardo wielder said. "Although I have never eaten there before, I hope the food is good…"

"It was prepared by 2D men who can't speak, I'm sure the food is great!" said Lucas, seeming sarcastic but he was in fact COMPLETELY genuine.

"Game and Watch's it is!" Pittoo said ignoring the blonde's last remark.

The quartet took a two-minute stroll to the restaurant and entered the building. The interior of the building was rather classy considering the Game and Watches decorated it. The walls were a solid black with a white trim around the top and bottom edges, the flooring was a laminate oak wood with the tree pattern intact and was completely smooth to walk on. To the left of the entrance, there was a bar that served various types of alcohol as well as a few delicacies from some of the games that our characters are from such as 'the drink of the Gods' and 'Moo-Moo Milk', both set at reasonable prices higher than 10,000 spirit points. Down the back was the kitchen and to the right was the toilets. There was a little stand where the receptionist person would welcome customers into the establishment and show them to their tables who is the one to greet the four when they walked in.

"Hello and welcome to the restaurant, table for four?" the receptionist asked.

"Yes please!" Shulk replied. "Although, I thought this place was all Mr Game and Watch?"

"No, no… I am the only Mii Fighter to work here so as such, I am the only one who can speak and I double up as the waiter AND the bar tender and on some days, the janitor!"

"When do you sleep?" asked Lucas coldly.

"I wouldn't worry about that, I got a whole 40 minutes last night!" the receptionist responded. "right this way if you please…"

The receptionist led the group of four to a little booth in the corner of the dining area which had plump leather cushions and a solid oak table which was painted black and had four coasters on it along with four sets of cutlery.

"I'll be back soon to take your order…" the receptionist said as he scurried off.

"Ooooh… look at this menu!" cried Shulk excitedly.

"It all sounds so delicious!" added Lucas.

"um… Yeah… it sure does… hehehe" responded Pit nervously as he tried to make out the words in front of him off of the menu.

"Are you ready to order?" asked the waiter/receptionist/bar tender/possible janitor.

"Yes, I'll have this one!" said Dark Pit pointing to the menu.

"I'll have the Omelette please!" cried Lucas.

"I would like the bacon-cheeseburger please!" said Shulk.

"…" Pit paused as the waiter scribbled on a note pad before looking up at the angel. Pit panicked and pointed to the first thing on the menu he could see. "I'll have this one please!"

"Ah! A fine choice, sir!" said the waiter finishing up the notes and running back to the kitchen to place the orders.

Ike was finally done with his shopping and was making his way home with roughly 50 bags on his arms. The poor guy was struggling to do so much as waddle up the sidewalk towards his house.

"Why didn't I take Marth with me… that guy is such a kill-joy that he would have stopped me buying this ridiculous stuff…" Ike groaned to himself. "As long as this makes Roy happy, I suppose!"

He had finally made it to the corner of the block when a strong gust of wind knocked him over and set most of his items free to roll back down the road.

"DAMN IT!" Huffed Ike as he stood up angrily and started chasing after the items.

He had managed to save a couple of the items using his sword, but a few had continued to roll down the road. One item, a mug with a love-heart shaped picture of Roy and Ike on it, had come into contact with the foot of someone who then picked it up.

"Aww…" said the mysterious person who was Roy.

"ROY?!" cried Ike from atop the road with a couple of the saved items balancing in his arms. "YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT!"

"WELL MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T DROPPED IT—"

"WHAT?"

"I SAID—" repeated Roy.

"WHAT?"

"NEVERMIND—"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

Roy sighed heavily as he began the hike to the top of the road to return the mug to his boyfriend.

It didn't take too long for the Boy's food to arrive in the Game and Watch restaurant, Dark Pit ordered a nice juicy steak, Lucas ordered an omelette, Shulk ordered a bacon-cheeseburger, but what did Pit order?

"And here you are sir, your Escargot…" said the waiter as he placed the bowl of snails in front of the angel.

"Err… thank you!" Pit nervously responded. _"OH CRAP… Is this seriously what I ordered?!" _Pit thought to himself.

From the other side of the table, Pit noticed that Dark Pit kept smirking at the angel knowing full well that he only ordered Escargot because he can't read.

"That looks yummy…" said Dark Pit sarcastically to his twin.

"Oh yEaH… I lOvE eScArGoT!" Pit responded. "It's delicious…"

Small teardrops filled the corners of Pit's eyes as he slowly ingested the snails. His body urged to reject the foul taste in his mouth, yet the angel soldiered on, keeping up the appearance that he was enjoying the meal.

"This burger is so good!" said Shulk with a mouth full of the burger.

"aww…" moaned Pit.

"Mmmm… This Omelette is delicious!" Lucas added.

"Aww…" Pit once again moaned.

"Oh! This Steak man!" Dark Pit chimed in.

Pit started to cry a little while he continued to force feed himself the escargot, but nevertheless, he soldiered on like a true hero… so majestic!

At the park, Isabelle was preparing her distraction so that she could finally hide the evidence that tied her to the near murder of Kirby. There was a small firework set up in the centre of the park which would divert the attention so Isabelle could hide the bolt cutters underneath a large oak tree.

***KABOOM***

Wii Fit Trainer, Ryu and Ken all turned their attention to the tower of blue and white fireballs erupting from the paper rocket.

"Who let off a firework in the middle of the park?" Asked Wii Fit Trainer whilst maintaining very good posture.

"That looks like the fireworks that Villager used in Smash 4!" Ryu added.

"Do you think it was him?" questioned Ken, putting a finger to his chin.

"I wouldn't know, but it is a matter of the upmost importance that we sophistically figure this out!" Ryu said.

"Good lord!" cried Wii Fit. "Are you a walking, talking thesaurus or what?"

Meanwhile, Isabelle pulled out a shovel and dug a perfectly round hole in the ground like the ones in Animal Crossing. She then buried the bolt cutters leaving a mud-marked X on the ground from which the cutters were buried underneath.

"Whew!" she sighed as she pocketed her shovel. "That was a close one!"

"You hidin' somethin'?"

"EEP!" Isabelle squeaked.

When she turned around, Isabelle saw Pichu standing there with a Pecha berry in her hand, the latter of which had a small little bite in it.

"Oh… I was burying a time capsule… hehehe!" Isabelle panicked.

"Girl, I have seen less conspicuous birds hangin' round here when it turns out they were involved in drug smuglin', now whatcha buryin'?" Pichu asked, turning her head to the side slightly.

"I just told you, a time capsule!"

"It looked to me like some sort of weapon…" the mouse giggled.

"Wait? You saw it?"

"Ye" Pichu responded.

"Then why did you ask me what it is?!" Isabelle asked angrily.

"Bitch, I'm like 7 years old, you think I know what a f***ing weapon look like?"

"Well clearly not!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

After the boys had finished their meal, however inedible it may have been, they took to the high street in search of something fun to do after a hearty dinner… for some.

"You guys wanna go do some yoga?" proposed Lucas.

"Dude, NO!" replied Dark Pit. "That's gay!"

"Well I am gay…" the blonde said, looking the floor all ashamed-like.

"I don't see how that's relevant." The dark angel added.

"Listening to you two talk is like watching paint dry." Shulk said to the duo.

"How is it like watching paint dry?" Dark Pit asked.

"Just really boring, like the least entertaining show there is." The dirty blonde clarified. "Although I do not have a better idea than yoga… what about you Pit?"

Shulk turned to Pit and noticed that he was trailing behind the rest of them at a slower pace with his hands on his stomach. Shulk deduced that his meal was not sitting well with him.

"You alright, Pit?" the brit asked the angel.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, I'm fine!" Pit said, putting a hand behind his head. "Just a bit of a belly ache, that's all."

"Well I'm not so convinced…" Shulk replied, inspecting the angel a little more closely. "Suffice it to say that the snails aren't agreeing with you?"

"I think I'm going to… to…"

***BLUURRRGH (OR WHATEVER NOISE SOMEONE MAKES WHEN THEY VOMIT) ***

Pit blinked for a second when he realised that he had vomited on Shulk's shoes making the former rather concerned about the latter.

"Oh god Shulk!" Pit said, panicking a little. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's alright." Shulk reassured, all the while seeming just a tad bit annoyed at what had happened. "Better out than in, I suppose."

"Ha!" cried Pittoo. "Pit totally just barfed on Shulk! What a loser!"

"Wait…" questioned Lucas. "Who is the loser, Pit or Shulk?"

"I dunno, both of them I guess."

"Dude, you need to form your sentences better!"

"Well I'm going to now go home and clean myself up, I'll meet up with the rest of you as soon as I'm done!" said Shulk as he waved goodbye to the group he was with.

"Bye Shulk!" Lucas innocently responded.

"Sorry!" Pit said, almost crying.

"… meh…" Dark Pit said, seeming really emo or something.

Shulk vanished into the distance to go and get changed and what not, probably to one of his other alts, preferably not the almost naked one. Let's just say that I don't think Pit would handle it very well ;).

Isabelle had returned back to the beauty salon where business was not booming. In fact it was pretty dead, so she gave Corrin the rest of the day off.

Whilst in her office, Isabelle pulled out a chalk board with the title 'ways to kill Jigglypuff' that had a series of hand-sketched scenarios including the car crash, all of which portrayed Jigglypuff dying in some gruesome or perhaps spectacular way.

"Well number one was a bust!" the dog mumbled to herself as she crossed out the first scenario; the car crash. "Maybe there is hope for number two…"

Number two depicted Jigglypuff being killed by getting her so drunk that she says something super bad and causes an angry mob to start chasing her. Hearing it out loud makes it seem very ridiculous.

"But it might just work…" Isabelle said, interrupting this narrator's train of thought.

Villager, Link, Captain Falcon, Ness and Kirby were having yet another game night because I'm a basic bitch. They were playing Mario Kart, so some obvious red flags were going up, such as the fact that Falcon was once again winning.

**"****IMPOSSIBLE!" **Cried Kirby in a demonic voice. "I'm the best driver here, how am I last?"

"I don't know!" added Link. "The real question is how am I _not _last?"

"Suck it ass wipes!" yelled Villager as her in-game character lobbed a blue shell at the person in first allowing her to take the lead.

"NO!" cried Falcon.

"I'm just here to beat the CPUs!" Ness innocently said out of the blue.

***Bzzzt… RING, RING… Bzzzt… RING, RING***

"Oh sorry, that's me!" said Villager as she paused the game and then answered her phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me!" said a voice on the other side of the phone. "I… uh… need you to come pick me up…"

"From where?"

"… the front gate…"

"YOU EXPECT ME TO PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD BECAUSE YOU GOT HERE A LITTLE LATE?!"

"Yes."

"Alright, I'm on my way!"

Villager hung up and put her phone in her pocket.

"Who was that?" Kirby asked.

"Oh, my twin brother, he missed the first train out here, so he had to wait a week…"

"… I don't know what I was expecting…"

"Ta – ta!"

Villager disappeared out the front door and hopped into her car, or should I say Falcon's car, but you know.

"That was weird!" Ness pointed out.

"Really? … I don't know how you can tell the difference anymore!" Link added.

"Wait, did she take my car?!" Falcon panicked, coming to the reality that his precious petrol guzzler was gone.

"Dude!" cried Kirby. "Keep up!"

Over in house 1, Mario gasped like he was about to speak… but that's irrelevant.

Shulk had stormed back to his house, stomping with vomit dripping from his shoes. The smell was making him nauseated, so naturally, Shulk stripped off his vomit stained clothes, threw them in the wash and then jumped in the shower. He was so enraged about the situation that he was scrubbing with anger, you know, like really aggressively.

Before long, he was clean. The blonde dried off and got dressed.

Hmmmm… yeah, this little scene was a little boring… never mind, we have some funny s**t to come so it should be good.

Zelda, Peach, Palutena, Daisy, Robin, Lucina and Corrin were enjoying a leisurely afternoon in their back garden, sitting at a table with a parasol above it, shading the group from the blinding sunlight.

Lucina sighed as she looked at her iPhone in front of her.

"What is it, Lucina?" Palutena questioned.

"It's just… all the good-looking guys on Tinder are either gay, live 2,000,000 miles away or are total assholes…" she replied. "how am I supposed to meet my future husband if he isn't even on the same world as me?!"

"You could do what I do." Daisy said, lifting a teacup to her lips.

"And what's that?" Lucina queried.

"Devote your life to celibacy and be married to the one and only god—"

"B***h!" Cried Peach. "You've slept with more guys than Ike has and who knows how many children you have by this point—"

"Peach! Quiet!" Daisy hushed. "No-one is meant to know about my kids! Heck, not even you are meant to know!"

"Well it's pretty obvious when you're walking around with a pregnancy bump!"

"SHHH!"

"Did we seriously just forego my dilemma in favour of yours?" Lucina questioned, seeming rather offended.

"Yes we did!" Peach replied, in a really cheery tone.

Lucina crossed her arms and pouted. "Well I could still use some assistance…"

"Well if a husband is what you're looking for…" began Zelda. "Then how about I set you up with Li—"

"NO!" the swordswoman replied. "how many times, Link does not butter my croissant!"

"Well why not?!" Zelda protested.

"Because it would be like dating my nephew… my elf nephew… my elphew…"

"How is it like dating your nephew?" Robin questioned.

"Because he's younger, weaker and more feminine than me… isn't it obvious?" Lucina replied.

"I mean, he's not _that _feminine." Corrin added.

"Please! Haven't you seen those nude photos flying around on the internet?"

"What nude photos?" Palutena asked.

"Some photos of Link without any clothes on appeared not so long ago, my best guess is someone needed revenge or something…" Lucina told.

"What makes him so feminine?" Peach asked.

"Well… he doesn't have a set of parts exclusive to men… and his thighs are so f***ing thicc, AND his hips are so wide, like what's he got under there?!"

"Wait, I've slept with him…." Zelda randomly blurted. "And if he doesn't have guy parts, what did he use – and now I've realised that I have said too much…"

"Okay, we'll circle back to that later!" Corrin said, leading the conversation. "But is it really true that he doesn't have a guy thingy?"

"I think so!" Lucina responded.

"There's an easy way to find out." Peach said. "All we need to do is wait for him to have a shower and—"

"N O!" Zelda, Daisy, Lucina, Corrin, Robin and Palutena all screamed simultaneously.

"It was just a thought!" Peach giggled.

"Well we could just ask him…" proposed Palutena.

"He'd just deny it!" said Zelda.

"Can we get him so drunk that he does a strip routine?" Daisy asked.

"No… we couldn't… could we?" the Hylian princess said.

"It's not the worst idea… certainly not the best but still…" Corrin said.

"hmmm…" Lucina postulated.

At the gateway to the Smash Ultimate world, there was a lonesome male figure, standing there looking puzzled. That was until a blue falcon themed car pulled up alongside him.

"Get in b***h!" commanded Villager from the driver's seat.

"You took your sweet time!" male Villager said, in a weird German accent. The voice he spoke with was low pitched and rough to listen to, like the curated edge of a knife. It almost sounded like he was talking in German death metal, but that's just a little bit weird, don't you think?

"I had to drive here from the other side of the realm so shut it!" Villa Fem replied. Yeah okay, Villa Fem and Villa Male or something like that.

"I have had a f***ing nightmare getting here from the town!" Villa Male exclaimed… you know what, Villa Male isn't really doing anything for me. Back to Male Villager it is for him. "First, my train crashes, then the next one is cancelled and when I finally do make it here, I learn that there is no transport to the suburbs, which is just fantastic!"

"Stop complaining, you're here now!"

"SOOOOO…" Male Villager began. "ANY SEXY BIOLOGICAL SPECIMINS?!"

"VILLA!" Villa fem replied in shock.

"What? You know we're technically adults so it's okay!"

"I don't care!"

"Well you should – **OH MY GOD, YOU DID NOT JUST SLOW DOWN FOR A SQUIRREL!**"

"HE'S IN THE CARPOOL LANE! HE HAS THE RIGHT-AWAY!"

"**OH MY GOD, YOU DID NOT JUST ASSUME IT'S GENDER!**" Male Villager huffed.

"Oh tell me you're not one of _those _people!" Villa Fem cried.

"B***h please, within my soul I possess the power of 18 blue-haired lesbians!" Villager explained. "Meaning that I calculate that there are 18,901,876,432—"

"I'm stopping you right there!" Villa Fem said, silencing her twin. "If you say, 'genders' at the end of that asinine number, you're walking home!"

"What?" Male Villager said sarcastically. "noooooo"

"Whatever…"

Shulk had re-joined the group he left to clean himself up. The dirty blonde was slightly more agitated than usual, sensing this, Pit grew more and more remorseful. Of course, that doesn't mean that he's going to learn to read any time soon… 'why not?' you ask. Well because I have no f***ing clue how to write a scene in which someone is learning to read.

"So what are we doing now?" Shulk asked the trio before him.

"We could always go to Hot Top—"

"PITTOO! NO!" Pit cried angrily.

"Hmmph!" Dark Pit pouted.

"How about we go bowling?" Lucas proposed.

"I suppose it is better than it is better than _yoga_." Shulk remarked.

"Man… I haven't lifted balls since I conquered Hades…" Pit randomly blurted.

Shulk, Lucas and Dark Pit all looked to the strange angel after his unusual remark.

"That… uh… that came out wrong!" Pit panicked.

"Yeah… sure it did…" Dark Pit said, adding to the humiliation.

"No! I meant—"

"HA-HA-HA-HE-HE-HA-HA!" the trio laughed hysterically, well Lucas was just pretending, he didn't really understand why it was funny.

"STOP LAUGHING!" Pit commanded.

"You need to think about what you say, ass-crack!" Dark Pit said, putting his arm around the angel's shoulders.

"Says you!" Lucas added, singling Pittoo out.

"SHHH!"

"Okay…" Pit said, getting the conversation back on track. "What I meant is, I am out of practice with bowling!"

"… Not buying it!" Dark Pit giggled.

Seeing Pit act like his usual ditsy self, made Shulk feel content about his feelings. Unlike the others, Shulk found Pit's somewhat annoying traits to be cute and only made him like him more. He even found Pit's illiterate nature to be cute if you can believe that. I'd guess Shulk has a thing for stupid people.

The group had arrived at the bowling alley which was a spherical building with giant bowling pins set up outside much like how one would have trees in a garden. The boys entered and selected to play five games of bowling. If you ask me, Master Hand should just get the tournament under way so that the Smashers aren't so bored.

Ike and Roy were in their house celebrating their one-week anniversary. The living room was dimmed with the only lighting being the cinnamon scented candles, all lit and glowing ever so gently. Ike and Roy were perched on the couch with Roy positioning his legs over Ike's lap, like Roy was laying on the couch whilst Ike was already sitting there, you know?

There was rose petals scattered throughout the floor and some slow and seductive music playing on the record player in the background creating a nice ambience in the room, transforming it from a dull family meeting room to a passionate love den.

"Happy one week!" Roy said to his partner.

"And to you!" Ike replied, kissing Roy on the cheek. "Which reminds me, I got you a little something!"

"Oh you did?!" Roy said, sweating a drop.

Ike pulled out a long black box with a red ribbon tied around it. Roy opened it revealing a shiny new sword that had the words, 'To my one true partner… may our souls be bound by the amount of people you stab with this sword…' engraved along the edge. Now, this may strike you as a little bit of an odd thing to write on a gift, but to a swordsman like Roy, this was as romantic as it gets.

"So?" Ike prodded. "What did you get for me?"

The colour in Roy's face drained as his pupils went smaller than a full stop.

"I… um… didn't get you a present…" Roy nervously responded.

The music on the record player stopped with a screech. Ike's world shattered. He wasn't the materialistic type or a gold digger or anything like that. Just Ike was a very romantic and passionate person and feeling as though someone did not feel the same way at the same level broke his little heart.

"You mean to tell me that I spent 30,000 spirit points on a gift showing how much I love you and you couldn't even return the favour?!" Ike erupted.

"No it wasn't like that—"

"You know what?" Ike began, huffing with anger. "I am not putting myself through another unrequited love situation! It's not fair, I deserve to be happy!"

"I'm not saying you don't!" Roy argued. "Will you just calm down, I never said I don't love you!"

"You…. You mean it?" Ike questioned.

"Yeah!" Roy responded. "In fact… I _do_… love you…"

Ike's pupils grew massive and shimmered in the light, the same way an anime girl's would when they see something cute.

"So this was just a misunderstanding?" Roy questioned.

"I guess so… was this too much, too soon?" Ike asked, feeling the situation for what it is.

"Well in some ways, like the fact that we've only been together for a week and a few days, but we knew each other beforehand so it's not so bad…" Roy answered. "I do want to be with you and I'm sorry if I made you think that I didn't."

"No, it's alright!" Ike responded. "I get it, I was a bit full-on."

"If I was you, I'd wait until our one-year anniversary rather than our one-week…" Roy said, giggling slightly.

This came as a relief to Ike. While he was the highly passionate type, one of his greatest fears was not doing right by his partner, whoever he may be. (I'm not joking, do some research! Ike is canonically gay, like he didn't have an S-Support in the game, but he and his A-Support, Soren, spend the rest of their lives travelling together like the happy gays they are… how f***king cute is that?!). All of that aside, Ike happened to be relieved by the notion that he did not have to move mountains for his boyfriend, he only needed to be there and listen and all that other cheesy crap.

Much like nearly every other night in the suburbs, Roy and Ike were not alone in their house. Marth was lurking atop the stairs, listening in with the malice hope that the pair would break up. Of course, to Marth, that would mean that the sexy hunk of man meat known as Ike would be available for a relationship, yet he had not considered that Ike has fallen rather hard and wouldn't get into another relationship so quickly.

On top of that, Link and Captain Falcon were lurking outside the window with tears streaming down their faces. They were a mix of tears of sadness and tears of relief that one of their many OTPs had not broken up.

Before they went bowling, Pit, Dark Pit, Shulk and Lucas had stopped off at the café for a spot of coffee. The café seemed to be rather busy considering it was quite late. One particular group caught the eyes of quadrant. A little trio consisting of Wolf, Fox and Falco. Falco and Fox were being their usual stupid selves and Wolf was pretending that it wasn't bothering him.

"How stupid are you?!" Falco said to Fox, upsetting the latter.

"I'M NOT!" Fox responded. "All I said was EV training is *just* as important as IV breeding!"

"Yeah, and you couldn't be more wrong! Even if you had compared it to using items, them being *just* as important as IV breeding!" Falco retorted.

"What the hell are you two on about?!" Wolf growled.

"Pokémon." The duo responded.

"That… That is probably the single most stupid thing I have ever heard!"

"Aw don't be like that, Wolf!" Fox said cheerfully. "Maybe what you need is a nice big hug?"

"Don't touch me you stupid Furry!" Wolf said angrily.

"Wolf, you're a Furry as well!" Falco said.

"Yeah!" Fox chimed in.

"BEGONE FOUL FURRY!" grouched Wolf as he bitch-slapped Fox through the big window next to the door.

The barista at the counter watched this and sighed grumpily. It was the kind of sigh that said, "Ah s**t, here we go again".

Meanwhile, Lucas, Pit, Dark Pit and Shulk just watched, accepting it for another weird day in Smash.

"Do any of you know what that was about?" Pit questioned.

"Not a clue!" Shulk responded.

"Me neither!" Dark Pit added.

"I want a Hot Chocolate with cream and Marshmallows!" Lucas blurted.

"Did you _not _hear what I asked?" Pit asked.

"Oh, I did!" Lucas responded. "Frankly, it was not a topic which interested me, so I replaced it with one that did."

The three of them looked at the young blonde in shock and horror of the well-educated professor that he had briefly become. This little blonde was full of surprises.

After the long journey, Villa Fem had finally returned home with her twin brother, the both of them seeming rather agitated with one another.

"Oh hey!" Ness called out to the male Villager, of whom Ness had never met. "You must be Villager's brother!"

"Clever observation from Dr Dumbass over here!" Male Villager said slyly.

"The hell did I say to you?!" Ness responded defensively.

Before Male Villager could respond, Villa Fem covered her twin's mouth with her hand and gave her apologies.

"Sorry Ness, you'll have to forgive him, he doesn't think before he speaks!" Villa Fem explained.

Ness faced the male with fire in his eyes making the latter rather nervous.

Male Villager returned the favour by giving another fiery glare. The two proceeded to exchange death glares until Kirby walked in and stopped the two by doing it back.

"Who dis?" Kirby questioned, looking at the strange male before him.

"This is my twin brother, he does not have a place to crash…" Villa Fem explained. "Can he sleep here?"

"Oh No!" Kirby replied. "Nuh-uh, No way!"

"Why not?!"

"Because we have enough mouths to feed, thank you!"

"What if he pays for his own food?"

"Say what now?" Male Villager questioned in shock.

"Well then, I suppose so… as long as he contributes 75% of the food budget!" Kirby said, folding his nubs.

"So it's settled!" sang Villa Fem.

"Uh—" Male Villager sounded.

Kirby reached into Male Villager's pocket and took out 50,000 Bells.

"I'll be taking this as a down payment!" Kirby said as he walked away leaving Male Villager with his arm extended out, watching his hard-earned cash disappear.

"Trust me, you're going to love it here!" Villa Fem told her brother.

Tears began streaming from Male Villager's eyes as he realised he is now broke… money making in the Smash world is not as easy as it is in Animal Crossing… ya know… because you have to kill people and stuff.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The group of lads carrying their hot drinks made their way to the bowling alley, ready for a couple of matches. Pit was still cautiously eying up the little blonde before him, slightly fearing the dormant powerful intellect that he had hidden inside his mind.

"Okay, shall we do teams or a good old-fashioned free-for-all?" Dark Pit proposed.

"Hmmm… how about a team match?" Shulk questioned.

"NOOOOPE!" Dark Pit growled in response. "We gon' have a free-for-all!"

"I really don't know why you asked then…" Shulk replied.

"Frankly, I think you just want an excuse to try and beat all of us at something that isn't fighting…" Pit suggested.

"So you think I can beat you guys?" Pittoo giggled.

"I said, '_try_'" Pit replied.

"Please!" Lucas blurted slyly. "I could take all of you down with a hand tied behind my back!"

"You only need one hand to bowl, genius!" Dark Pit said obnoxiously.

"Whatever…" Lucas replied.

The quadrant checked in at the desk with the receptionist. She took their money and set them up in the next bowling alley.

"So who's going first—" Pit questioned when Dark Pit shoved him out the way.

"Me first!" Dark Pit then yelled.

Shulk sighed while Lucas looked to the floor, it would seem that Pittoo's antics were beginning to get on EVERYONE'S nerves and not just Pit and Palutena.

Hmmm… a lot of the names in Kid Icarus start with P… oh? Just those three?... okay then, oh s**t! is this thing still on?!

*AHEM*

"Okay losers!" Dark Pit roared. "Let me show you how it's done!"

"… ugh…" Pit scoffed.

Dark Pit picked up the number 10 bowling ball and rolled it down the alley with great speed. So much speed that the ball slid into the gutter leaving the Dark angel with no points.

"Well…" Shulk said. "if that's how it's done, we ought to do the opposite, don't we?"

"Shut it!" Pittoo growled.

"Lucas, it's your turn…" Pit suggested.

"Um… Okay…" Lucas replied reluctantly. He picked up the number 6 ball with his tiny little fingers and rolled it down the alley. The ball collided with three pins which knocked over another four pins scoring him a total of seven points with the spare. He rolled the ball again and it only knocked over a single pin bringing the total to eight points.

It was now Shulk's turn and he stepped up clutching the number 11 ball in his muscular arms. This had Pit a little hot under the collar ?. He swung his arm back and then forth and let the ball roll with speed. It collided with the pin at the forefront and knocked the other nine over making this a perfect strike.

"Ooh yes!" sung Shulk as he watched 10 points be added to his total.

Pit's turn rolled around and needless to say, he was not really focused on bowling. He simply swung the number 10 ball and released it to roll down the alley, but it fell straight into the gutter.

This game would continue waaaaaaaay into the evening. Yanno, not like the bowling staff want to go home or anything.

Male Villager was settling into his new life with the unruly bunch that he now has to call his housemates. He seemed to have somewhat of a problem with Ness's very existence. Frankly I think he just needs to man up and deal with his problems maturely by throwing eggs at the person he doesn't like.

Male Villager was unpacking his suitcase in his sister's bedroom. The two of them were going to have to bunk up or there would not be enough space for everyone.

"ugh…" Male Villager grunted. "This blows!"

"What blows?"

"EeP!" Male villager squealed from shock. He turned his head to find Kirby standing in the doorway with his little nubs folded.

"Oh… nothing!" the villager replied. "nothing blows, I'm having a wonderful time!"

"So you're saying we've been _too_ hospitable towards you?" suggested Kirby.

"um… if you like?"

"Well since you were so rude to drop in on us so unannounced, I think it's only right that you would complain about our hospitability…" Kirby said sarcastically. "And since you seem to not understand the power hierarchy in this house, I will let you off this once… just know that if you happen to question my generosity again, I will be less than hospitable when **_I gut you and leave your homeless remains on the side of the road_**!"

Kirby waddled off merrily down the hallway feeling pride in the fear that he had instilled into the new houseguest.

Villager's eyes were peeled open in fear and dread filled his stomach as one thing seemed to puzzle him. That thing being 'what would Kirby class as questioning generosity?'.

Isabelle was setting her new plan to get Jugglaypoof—err—I mean Jigglypuff drunk in motion, so drunk that she causes an angry mob that gets her killed.

The little dog was delivering a pink, sparkly envelope to the Pokémon's house, its contents read…

_Dear Jigglypuff, _

_How would you like to come with me for drinks?  
a whole lot right?  
Well it's your lucky day! Meet me at the bar tomorrow evening at 8pm for drinks, on Me!_

_Lots of love, Isabelle XOX_

_P.S. if you tell anyone about this, the offer is off the table!_

Unbeknown to Isabelle, the only resident of the house that was currently there was in fact, Pichu, was swayed by her curiosity so she did the only rational thing and opened the envelope addressed to her housemate.

"Dis don't seem right…" Pichu said. "Isabelle is a tight-ass, there's no way she'd pay for someone else's drinks. Especially my homie!"

Pichu looked out the window to see Isabelle standing at the edge of the road, waiting for an uber by the looks of things. This was even more suspicious to Pichu. A lady like Isabelle would have driven surely.

Night fell over the suburbs and it was a still and calm evening. The ladies in house 5 had broken out the chardonnay and were completely s**t faced.

"You – you know what?" Lucina said in a slurred murmur. "I think… If you girls were boys… I'd f**k you all!"

Peach started laughing from the belly and couldn't stop so imagine a witch's cackle in the background of all of the dialogue.

"Luci-***BURRRP***-na!" cried Palutena with a little blush of the cheeks. "Stop it!"

"No… but like… you'd be so hot…" Lucina explained.

"He-he!" Daisy giggled. "You don't know that!"

"But I do!" Lucina said like it was some big reveal. "because you're all so pretty!"

"Aww… i-I think you've had enough…" Zelda said as she tried to take Lucina's glass but all she ended up doing was knocking it over and dowsing the swordswoman.

"Zelda!" Lucina cried.

"I slept with Link because I was drunk and lonely!" Zelda blurted.

Everyone else in the group gasped in shock of Zelda's comment.

Dark Pit fell to his knees feeling a crushing defeat. The scoreboard read that Shulk was the winner whilst Dark Pit was dead last with only 11 points after 10 rounds, a pitiful score. Even Lucas was doing better with a whopping 68 points while Pit was 3rd with 63 points, Shulk on the other hand, was winning with a staggering 91 points.

"HOW THE F**K DID THIS HAPPEN?!" Pittoo cried. "I CANNOT LOSE, WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Well I'd say it's rather obvious…" Shulk began. "You're all bark and no b ite!" he proceeded to gloat.

"Yeah… but, how did this twink do better than me?!" questioned Dark Pit, pointing at his twin.

"Hey!" Pit cried. "I am just as baffled as you are!"

"Can we just take a sec to appreciate that Lucas did really well?" Shulk said looking at the smaller blonde.

"My success is a mere steppingstone compared to some of the feats I have conquered!" Lucas replied, displaying the professor personality that he hid away in his mind.

"Oh yeah?" Dark Pit mocked, poking his index finger at the blonde's forehead. "Like what?"

"Have you ever heard of Porky and the Pig mask army?" Lucas asked.

"N… No…" Pittoo replied.

"Exactly!"

"So you vanquished them?" Pit clarified.

"Yeah!" Lucas replied.

"That's not at all concerning that an 13-year-old vanquished an entire army and it's leader…" Pit said, seeming rather concerned at the notion.

"This was a stupid idea, why did we have a free-for-all?!" Dark Pit pouted.

"Pittoo, this was your idea!" Shulk replied.

"Hmmph!" the emo angel replied.

As the group was preparing to leave, something came crashing through the ceiling of the bowling alley creating a deep crater that spread across several of the actual alleys.

"What the f**k?" Dark Pit yelled.

Bayonetta was with her son, Joker. The two of them were sitting in their house talking about various random things such as facts about their games when a mysterious looking figure knocked at the door.

"I wonder who that could be at this hour…" Bayonetta said as she approached the door.

Bayonetta twisted the knob and pulled the door open to find the group of drunken women standing there, swaying slightly.

"Can I help you?" Bayonetta questioned.

"We're knocking on people's doors and running away!" Lucina drunkenly explained.

"Like rascals!" Palutena added.

"Then… what are you still doing here?" the umber witch questioned.

"Oh DAMMIT ZELDA!" cried Peach. "Why didn't… you tell us to run?"

"Since when was it my duty?" Zelda protested.

"He-he…" Lucina giggled. "Duty means poop!"

Robin grabbed her stomach as she started laughing rather hysterically at her daughter's last remark.

"I think… I think… I think this was not a success…" Palutena slurred.

"Sorry for your time!" Daisy bowed. "And a very merry Christmas to you!"

The girls scurried away dragging their drunk asses back to their house leaving Bayonetta and Joker rather puzzled.

"Hey Mom!" Joker called out. "Mom! Mom! Moooooooom!"

Bayonetta sighed as she turned around to her child. "Yes Son?"

"I found a cool trip we should take together!" Joker explained. "A trip to Hawaii!"

The words escaping Joker's lips bought a cringe to Bayonetta's face. Yes, she was happy to have found her actual son which cannot be said for Lucas, but, she was more involved with Lucas because it was on her terms I suppose. Or maybe she simply doesn't like Joker, who knows?

Piranha plant was trolling around the town, sampling some of the local cuisine. It seemed Game and Watch's restaurant was about to get a new regular customer.

"Mmmm…" Piranha plant said. "Your Magikarp soup is delicious!"

"Beep!" Game and Watch replied, blushing slightly.

Suddenly, Lucas ran past the window, screaming at the note E7. He was soon followed by a screaming Dark Pit, Shulk and Pit who weren't running as fast as the little blonde. Not long after, a strange looking man with shoulder length blue, purple ish hair followed, sprinting at a steady pace while carrying a death scythe.

"Why are you running?" he yelled at the quadrant. "WHY ARE YOU RUNNING!?"

"Yo what dafuck?!" Piranha plant exclaimed looking rather confused.

The drunken ladies had taken Link out to the bar. They were putting their misguided plan into action.

"Hey… Link!" Lucina slurred. "I bet… I can't drink 10 shoots faster than you!"

"Um… alright…" Link replied, picking up a shot glass full of tequila, the sluttiest alcohol.

"So like, there isn't a stripper pole… so what are we gonna do?" Daisy questioned.

"I'll magic one in a minute, once he's drunk!" Palutena replied drunkenly.

"Done!" Link said, slamming the 10th empty shot glass on the table.

"Aw nuts!" Lucina replied, still slurping the first one.

"HEY LINK!" Peach cried. "SHOW US YOUR NEVER REGIONS!"

"Lady Peach?" Link questioned. "I think you've had enough—and there's that drunk feeling!"

Link was now s**t-faced like the rest of them, however, it had not had the desired effect. The ladies had not taken into account that Link is a bit of a lightweight and the Hylian was preoccupied with not vomiting all over Daisy's BTS merch.

"I don't feel so good!" Link cried.

"Nonsense!" Robin giggled. "Have some more tequila, you'll feel better!"

"Yeah!" Palutena chimed in.

"Actually, I think that's the problem!" the Hylian added.

"WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIFE!?" Zelda cried whilst pouring herself a glass of pink gin and slurping it down in a single gulp. "LINK! I NEED A COOK!"

"… You mean food?" Link questioned.

"YIS!"

"…"

"Link?"

Zelda looked over to Link to see that he had dozed off from the alcohol.

"Now's our… our… our chance!" Lucina exclaimed rather loudly.

"SHHHHH!" silenced Daisy. "You gon' wake 'er up!"

"Oh yeah!" Lucina giggled.

Lucina then carefully reached into Link's pocket and pulled out a pair of car keys.

"Put them back!" Robin scolded. "Don't make me discipline you!"

"How.. how are you sentences so well?" Peach questioned. "You drenk!"

"Actually my beer is alcohol free!" Robin calmly replied.

"So why are you in on us looking at Link's junk?" Palutena asked.

"Scientific curiosity…"

"…. What's wrong with you?" Daisy asked.

"Everything, now can we get to it?!" Robin added.

As Robin instructed, Lucina started carefully removing Link's trousers… only to find that he was wearing a leotard for underwear.

"S**t!" Lucina cried. "Now… we'll ne-never know!"

"Bang goes that plan!" Palutena added.

"Sad…" Zelda said sadly. "So sad."

The ladies looked around a little bit sadly only to see Peach courting a 'gentleman' at the bar, this gentleman being Marth.

"So…" Peach said twirling her hair around her finger. "That'll be 180 spirit points!"

"Okay!" Marth replied.

"Wow!" Palutena said. "She's cheap! I hope the sex is at least high quality!"

"What're you doin'?!" Daisy asked.

"He's paying me to play XBOX in his room with him so that Ike thinks he has friends!" Peach innocently replied.

"Oh…" Palutena exclaimed. "Okay, that makes more sense!"

"No…" Link murmured in his sleep. "Epona…."

The sun rose again like any other dull-ass boring day and Bayonetta was getting worried. The boys of house 7 had been out all night without so much as a phone call.

Bayonetta stepped outside to collect her mail from the box at the end of the garden when the ground started to vibrate slightly.

"What on Earth?" she questioned.

Suddenly, Lucas came charging round the corner screaming at a G8 this time, it appears that the pitch of his scream increased as the night went on. As Lucas ran past Bayonetta, all of the windows in the house shattered from the high pitch.

"You f***ing WHAT?!" Bayonetta yelled at her adopted child.

Lucas was soon followed by Hero who stopped at house 7 to examine the damage.

He gasped, "I can't believe you've done this!" he yelled at the blonde.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Bayonetta questioned the suspicious male.

"I'm Hero, nice to meet ya!" Hero innocently gestured.

"Okay, why are you chasing my adopted child?"

"because I could've dropped ma croissant!"

"Pardon?"

"Y'all Ugly!" Hero then said as he disappeared into a cloud of black dust.

"Well that was just odd, even for our standards!" Bayonetta sighed to herself.

Then, Pit, Shulk and Dark Pit came sprinting around the corner.

"Where did that strange man go?" Pit huffed.

"I don't know…" Bayonetta replied. "Why?"

"I think he's the next DLC fighter!" Shulk added.

"Yeah, not like there's too many people here already!" Pittoo scoffed.

"Well he called me ugly and then turned into a black dust cloud…" Bayonetta explained.

"Oh well that just proves that I'm right!" Pittoo said smugly.

"No it doesn't, he was still able to introduce himself!" Pit argued back.

"So?"

"Right about what?" Bayonetta questioned.

"That everything he says references either a vine or a meme!" Dark Pit explained.

"Is that really important though?" Shulk and Bayonetta asked in perfect unison.

Link was lying in bed with a pillow covering his head and his butt in the air. Although his eyes were not in contact with the light, he was also wearing a pair of sunglasses to help him cope with the hangover.

"Ugh…" He groaned. "I'm never going to drink again!"

"Sure… that's what everyone says!" Kirby replied.

"I'm not sure why you even drank that much anyway!" Ness said, raising his arms in a way that gestured that he had no idea.

"It's called peer pressure… it's something you'll learn about when you eventually go to school!" Link responded.

"Nah bitch, I ain't going to school!" Ness said.

"Do or don't, I don't really care!" Kirby added.

"… My mom would have made me go…"

"I ain't your mama!" Kirby said before leaving the room and slamming the door as hard as he could.

"UGH!" Link whined. "Please stop all the noise!"

Roy and Ike woke up in Ike's King Size bed once more. Their usual attire was spread across the bedroom floor… clearly they had made up from the night before.

"Good morning handsome…" Roy yawned as he wrapped his arm around Ike and laid his head on his boyfriend's chest.

"Good morning!" Ike replied, returning the arm wrap thing. "… so last night was fun!"

"Yeah… and the sex was pretty good too!" Roy giggled.

Ike giggled in response. "Mind you, I think it was a bit of a mistake to open that bottle of wine…"

"you're hungover?"

"A little!"

"That's not fun!" Roy said hugging the big guy.

"You're not hungover?" Ike asked.

"No, don't think so!" Roy said.

Suddenly, Hero appeared in their bedroom sitting in the rocking chair in the corner holding a story book. "You asleep?" he whispered.

"WHO ARE YOU?!" Roy cried.

"Go back to sleep!" Hero whispered.

"Mom?" Ike asked.

"Yes… I'm your mom…" Hero said blankly.

"Oh…" Ike said sadly.

"Okay… once upon a time—"

Rosalina then burst through the door and sent her Luma flying towards the intruder. "Leave the Yaoi alone!"

Hero yelled, "Okay Boomer!" as he was sent through the window and onto the lawn of the house.

"Who's he callin' Boomer? I don't believe in boomers!" Rosalina said, folding her arms in a strop. "Boomers are a sub generation invented by millennials to justify mocking!"

"Rosalina, we just had a stranger enter our house uninvitedly… does that not bother you?" Roy said questioningly.

"To be honest, the only thing that bothered me was the fact that he interrupted your yaoi!" Rosalina explained.

"That's a little concerning…" Ike said looking towards Roy.

"Who was that anyway?!" Roy questioned.

"I don't know… does it really matter though?" Ike replied.

*Ping*

"Oh there's my phone!" Rosalina said as she climbed onto a chair, then onto the table and took her sparkly blue phone from the top of the wardrobe. "Video storage is full?"

"… Were you recording us all night?" Ike questioned.

"All week actually!" Rosalina said innocently.

Roy facepalmed.

Hero was still laying on the lawn of the house he had fallen out of when master hand appeared.

"You're a hard man to find!" Master hand said looking down at a clip board that contained Hero's file.

"…"

"Well anyway, you don't have a designated house so you can crash wherever you'd like! Later!" Master Hand said and then disappeared.

Pit, Dark Pit and Shulk were sitting in the living room on the couch when Pit got an alert on his phone.

"Hey! Emo shit!" Pit called to his twin.

"The fuck did you just call me?!" Pittoo said looking towards his twin with smudged eyeliner around his eyes.

"Not now, look at this!" The angel said as he shoved his phone in Pittoo's face.

"Wait…" Pittoo said as he started reading the news article.

Tears of joy began streaming down his face as he darted off and then returned with a thick layer of white hair dye slathered into his hair.

"What's going on?" Shulk questioned.

"MCR REUNION CONCERT! FOR REALZ!" Pittoo said screaming. He then pointed a small remote at a stereo and started blasting out 'Teenagers by MCR'. "THIS IS EASLIY THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"

"I mean MCR reunion is pretty spectacular but I'm more of a Panic! At the Disco kind of guy…" Shulk said as he slurped his cup of tea. "Although welcome to the black parade is a classic!"

"Shulk… did you just speak emo… with Pittoo?" Pit said questioningly.

"I am right here you know!" Pittoo added.

"Oh, did I not tell you I had a little bit of an emo phase when I was a teenager… good thing that was short lived!" Shulk added.

"By the way, Pittoo, that hair dye won't work because it isn't registered as an official alt!" Pit explained to his twin.

"Aw nuts!" Pittoo sighed. "And we live in a world where you're allowed to be blonde… so not fair!"

"I never said I suit blonde… heck! I don't, not really!" Pit added.

"Yeah fair point… I better wash this off then!" Dark Pit said running back into the bathroom.

Shulk was on his phone buying tickets to the MCR reunion concert for himself and Pittoo. "Pittoo! Do you want VIP or Golden Pass?"

"YES!" Dark Pit responded. "YES TO ALL!"

"So is that Golden Pass or VIP… or both?" Shulk said questioningly.

"Get both… just in case!" Pit said.

"… Aaaaaaaaand it's sold out!" Shulk sighed disappointedly.

***MIRROR IN THE BATHROOM SHATTERING***

"YOU F***ING WHAT?!" Dark Pit yelled from the bathroom.

"That was quicker than expected." Pit added.

Dark Pit then dashed back into the living room with a devilish look in his eyes. He was holding a shard of the mirror in his hand and was staring at Shulk's phone.

"… WHO MUST I KILL TO GET THOSE TICKETS?!" Dark Pit said slyly, his eyes now glowing red.

"It says here that the last Golden Pass Tickets were bought by Simon and Richter so… kill them I guess?" Shulk replied.

As instructed (Sort of), Dark Pit dashed out of the house in hunt of Simon and Richter with the intent to kill.

"You know… you shouldn't encourage him like that, he'll end up doing something stupid!" Pit said scolding the dirty blonde.

"Don't you worry, he'll get all tuckered out, find somewhere quiet and go to sleep!" Shulk said innocently. "I mean he is your twin… you know him better than I do!"

"You really don't know how he was created do you?" Pit added.

"Nope but I don't really need to… maybe you should take a nap…" Shulk said nudging an eyebrow. "You do seem a bit cranky!"

"Oh… well it's probably a good idea, Lucas' screaming did have us up all night." Pit replied. "Do you wanna take a nap with me—"

Pit and Shulk both paused at the former's last remark. Shulk gulped nervously while Pit sweated a drop.

"Err – I mean – not with me – like in separate beds but at the same time!" Pit said, gesturing his arms in a panic.

Shulk breathed a sigh of relief. While the thought of sleeping with Pit – yep… realised it as I said it – wasn't overly off putting for him, he was nervous about what Pit would think, after all, the panic the latter went through over him not thinking before he speaks would suggest the feelings were not mutual, right?

"Errm…" Shulk sounded. "You go ahead, I'm not that tired. Guess I'll see you when you wake up!"

"Yeah okay."

Pit retreated into his bedroom, picked up one of his pillows and started screaming into it. So relatable…


End file.
